My POI's colleague doesn't like me?

[jellybean36]

Hi everyone,

 

Back in the Fall 2012 I contacted two POIs at one university, POI A and POI B. At first I received positive responses from both, with POI A even inviting me to meet for coffee to discuss my potential role as a graduate student in his lab. The problem is, after that invitation, and presumably after reviewing my application materials, POI A completely cut off all communication with me - he hasn't responded to another email since and we never did meet for that coffee.

 

Now, POI B and I have been communicating regularly since the Fall. He introduced me via email to a grad student that could answer my questions about the program. But, more problems - POI A and POI B share a lab. POI B does not yet have any grad students of his own, so the grad student he introduced me to is actually one of POI A's students. It's been 4 days since I emailed the grad student and he has yet to respond to my email. 

 

So basically  my concern is that for some reason POI A doesn't like me, POI B is unaware of this fact, and it's going to be really awkward to show-up in a lab that POI A worked to keep me out of. Am I crazy? What should I do?

Edited March 15, 2013 by jellybean36

[Amerz]

Or maybe it's more like POI A realized you were clicking with POI B, and wanted to back off - since he needs to find a good match as much as you do, and otherwise they'd have to fight over you. And since POI B doesn't have any students yet, it's likely he'd get first pick.

 

As for the grad student - he's probably just busy. Or your email went to his spam box or something.

 

I'm sure POI A and the grad student aren't sitting around talking about how much they dislike you, if that's what you're worried about I mean, unless you said something off-the-wall offensive, which I'll bet you didn't.

[Amerz]

Also, for the record, I emailed a little with a POI, and then he stopped responding to me - until he called me for an interview 3 months later. He invited me to interview weekend, I spent large parts of the day with him - and he still doesn't respond to emails. So who knows.

[lypiphera]

I would agree with the above poster in that I would not at all assume the professor doesn't like you based on what you've said.  They are super busy, and if POI B was taking the time to "woo" you, he would probably be spending more time on another student.  Even a professor that accepted me and wanted me to come took a long time to respond to emails, and while some grad students I've emailed responded right away, others I never heard back from.

 

It's an unfortunate coincidence that they student and professor are both not responding to emails, but unless there is some other indication, I would not think that means they don't like you.

[lewin]

Dropping contact like that is unprofessional and irritating but, unfortunately, not rare in academia (or in any corporate job hunt, for that matter). 

 

In addition to the great advice above, I'll just point out that even if POI A read your materials and decided he doesn't want to work with you, it doesn't mean he "doesn't like" you. Poor research fit (or whatever caused him to disappear) shouldn't cause personal dislike and won't make it awkward if POI B accepts you.  On the other hand, did you make a racist joke? Call his daughter a "handsome lad"? Then he might actually dislike you. But in the absence of other factors you haven't mentioned I think you're reading too much into this. 

 

 

....also, this probably won't be comforting to hear, but if you really did do something specific to make POI A personally dislike you then POI B definitely knows about it too, or will soon. Admissions aren't done in isolation and I'm sure they'll talk to each other. Also, academics are the worst gossips.

 

[jellybean36]

Thanks guys! I definitely never said anything offensive. I hadn't really considered the possibility that he backed off to give the other guy a chance.