Backing out on an acceptance?

[Thirteenth]

HELP.

 

I applied to three schools for my field: A (Ivy League reach school), B (solid shot, good in-state state school), and C (safety).

 

My results were A: waitlisted, B: accepted, C:accepted with assistantship.

 

I figured there was no way in heck anyone would say no to school A, so I accepted school B's offer (it really is a great program. I've lived in the town for a while, and had a really good visit with the department. I was happy with school B).

 

After sending in my acceptance, I sent my "thanks but no thanks" notification to school C. Rather than emailing school A to take my name off the wait-list, I decided to sleep on it.

 

Yesterday I received an email that I have been accepted at school A, with financial assistance. Blown away doesn't even begin to describe it. We're talking Linda Richman levels of verklempt.

 

School A is my dream school, one of the best programs in the country. I've already said yes to school B, but I haven't signed in blood and it's still before their decision deadline. 

 

I really love school B and the department is great, lots of good people. I'm already settled in the town, cost of living is low, and I'd get in-state tuition. But the chance to attend school A is a once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing. I'll open doors that don't even exist at school B (for reference, the program director at school B went to school A).

 

After all that, my question is: how common is it for someone to back on out an acceptance? 

 

Any thoughts are appreciated.

 

Thirteenth

[Gauche]

You have a moral obligation to attend School B since you've already accepted, but it's still possible for you to back out of the deal. Just explain the situation, and they should let you off the hook, especially if it's early. Whoever is on the waitlist for School B will be ecstatic too.

[student12345]

It's before April 15. You have every right to accept, don't even think twice about it. Congratulations!

[Janie M.]

Gauche,

 

I am in a similar predicament, so I know how you feel. I think you should definitely go with A. You didn't expect for this situation to occur, didn't intend to mislead or harm anyone, so I don't think you should feel too terrible about it. You don't want to spend the rest of your life in regret, wondering what is would've been like to attend A, just because you signed a piece of paper early in the game. You can just politely explain the situation to B. I'm sure the latter has plenty of waitlisted people who would love to attend.

 

Since it is before April 15, I think technically you do have a right to change your mind. You might, however, have to get a written release from B, if you officially enrolled here, before you can enroll at A. However, don't let these technicalities stop you! I really think you should attend A (your DREAM school). Do it! Congratulations!

[kiki123]

I'm actually in a similar predicament. My top choice school only recently got back to me with an acceptance, but some of my deadlines to accept at other schools were much earlier. I ended up accepting to my second choice school because I did not want to end without a school to attend in the fall, but I recently learned I was accepted into my top choice... so I have been in the process of declining to the second choice school. I feel bad for how I initially accepted to my second choice, but I didn't see many options.

[TakeruK]

You have a moral obligation to attend School B since you've already accepted, but it's still possible for you to back out of the deal. Just explain the situation, and they should let you off the hook, especially if it's early. Whoever is on the waitlist for School B will be ecstatic too.

 

I don't agree, there is no moral obligation to anyone. Assuming both schools are following the "April 15 CGS Resolution", then you have every right to change your mind, since it's still before April 15. The protocol "in writing" is to let both schools know what happened and ask School B to "release" you from your decision. This is a formality to protect both schools (for example, to show that School A isn't trying to poach you from School B without School B knowing). I can't think of a reason why School B would not release you. School A is supposed to wait until they get the release from School B before they can allow you to accept their offer.

 

However, reality doesn't always work like protocol. In your shoes, I would definitely attend School A (from the information given here). I would definitely let both schools know immediately (I think that's the only moral obligation) and work with both schools -- they will know what they need in order to properly process your change of decision.

 

I don't think you should feel any moral "guilt" for backing out of a decision -- you have every right to do so. In your shoes, I would feel regret that I caused extra trouble for School B for changing my mind, but I definitely would not feel "now I must attend". There is no legal obligation upon accepting an offer, and you are free to quit school whenever you want, including before school starts! Also, you are probably telling them now, before April 15, so there's still time to fill that spot if the school wants to.

 

I would encourage other students to avoid this situation though by not accepting an offer until you are 100% sure that nothing else can change your mind! In the OP's shoes, I would have declined School C's offer, and just wait until April 15 (or a response from School A) before accepting School B (although I would probably let them know that I am interested in their offer but have to wait until I hear back from School A).

 

Overall, the situation is not ideal -- you might upset someone at School B. But most reasonable people will understand your mistake and would want the best for you. I would definitely feel regret about doing this to School B, but I would not call it immoral or even feel that this is a "moral dilemma". The choice is obviously School A over School B -- it sounds like the advantages of A overwhelm any small problems that might arise from declining B. 

[Thirteenth]

I appreciate all the replies, guys. I definitely jumped the gun by sending an acceptance too early (and by assuming I didn't have a chance of getting into A -- erk!) I agree it's not ideal, but after reading your responses and talking to a few other friends, I've realized this isn't an entirely uncommon situation.

 

I'm still weighing the [mostly financial] pros and cons, but I'm leaning largely toward A. I'm never going to get an opportunity like this again, and I do think the department at B would understand that (again, they're nice people, and the program director there went to A). 

 

If I do go with A, I plan to consult with and write personal thank you messages to the graduate coordinator and program director at B. It's a good program, so I'm positive someone will happily take my place.

 

Thirteenth

[selecttext]

Definitely rescind school B. In the grand scheme, no one will really care. This isn't willy nilly, it's a big deal.

[biogirl2013]

Remember: this is your life. You don't want to end up going to the less-ideal school just because it might be awkward to back out now. Honestly explain that you had a recent offer and funding come through, and ask to be released from your commitment to enroll. If you are straightforward and communicate this sooner than later, school B should be fine with it and it should not harm your reputation.