Are these feelings normal, how do you cope/deal?

[DNAgyrase]

Will try to explain myself as succinctly as possible. I am started Grad school last summer. I did three rotations and just stayed in the third lab. I have been in this lab for about 6/7 months. I have gotten nothing to work, not one experiment. Everything I do fails, I have attempted all my experiments multiple times. To me its nothing too complicated, for example western blots and immunoflouresence. My PI has not flat out told me you have failed/this is unacceptable. I am getting the feeling he is not satisfied/pleased that I have not been able to nail these simple experiments yet. Sometimes he says, this needs a repeat, you haven't got it right yet...he has sometimes this is a technical problem you are doing something wrong. This is so frustrating, I follow the protocols exactly and have talked with other people in the lab....yet still nothing works.  I have my written qualifying exams coming up soon, and I am not prepared and I spend so much time working on failed experiments that I haven't been able to study for it. I have thought about quitting everyday consistently for the past couple months or so. Just leaving and not coming back. If I am out lab and  I think about going back, it just gets me sad-upset...that I cannot get anything to work. I feel like I put in so much time/effort for nothing....We're talking about 60 hours a week maybe. Working round the clock for nothing, I am not American, but did my Ugrad here. Moved to new state, miss my family and friends from college. I am miserable here.....I have no real friends here. My program is very small, and I cannot just 'go out' and meet new people. Not that outgoing. I go to lab everyday, and put in the hours and try to keep up with everything.....but I honestly don't know how long I can continue for....eventually everything is just going to shatter, I'm going to break,....will just come to an end.

 

Don't know if anyone has been in similar situation or have any insights.

 

Thanks

[Larri]

OK, first of all: yes, this is normal! Everyone is university, especially in the natural sciences depending on experiments/ programming/ .... knows this, because one small mistake can render hours of effort useless. You're not alone in this. Second of all: don't panic. I know it sounds ridiculous, but thinking clearly is the only thing that is going to help right now. 

 

It's obvious your situation is unbearable to you right now, so you need to change something. Consider your options: 

 

- Quitting. Is it worth it to quit, after you put in so much work? Aren't you going to regret it? Would research in a different place be more successful? Veering away from grad school entirely: do you have realistic job opportunities in the field you're in? And could you move back to a place where you're happier/ have more social interaction? 

 

- Continuing. Talk to your PI. Ask for help if possible. Make a tight schedule and stick to it, including studying. It might consume even more of your time, but getting in the studying every day is going to lower your stress levels over the looming exam. Also, you must have one person you feel comfortable enough with to go out and grab a beer. Even being in a lively, more relaxed and less lab-related environment can make you feel better because you will (unconsciously) realize that there's a life outside of the lab, even though that's what yours is focused on right now.

 

Good luck in making your choice and hang in there. As we say where I'm from: het komt allemaal wel op z'n pootjes terecht. (Sadly there's no adequate translation, but it's something along the lines of 'It will land on its feet' - the way a cat does.) 

[danieleWrites]

Most every university has some sort of free counseling service. You're getting beat down and that would depress anyone. Add homesickness and isolation to that and you're going to feel awful. Find your Uni's counselor, make an appointment, and they will help you deal with being overwhelmed. Being depressed makes it more difficult to do anything at all.

 

Stress is killer. Staying in a lab and spinning your wheels doing the same thing over and over isn't going to help. You do need to get out of the lab, even if it's nothing more than to spend 30 minutes walking around campus briskly. Treat yourself to something you enjoy that has nothing to do with school. Get a book or a magazine and spend some time at a coffee shop drinking a latte and reading for pleasure. Make yourself a promise that you will not think about anything that has to do with school, your future, or home. Focus on the book. Now, it's easy for introverts to get sucked into escapism, which is why I suggest making an appointment with yourself someplace out. It's very easy to get stuck in the habit of lounging on the bed and practicing escapism. While it would be great if you could join a club or some other activity with people involved, you don't have to be a joiner to get out of the lab. Learn to play golf. Take a yoga class. Draw. Do whatever you enjoy doing.

 

I suppose the whole point is moderation. You have to take care of your mental health. Everyone gets stressed. Everyone fails. Everyone feels isolated as some point. The key is to breaking that cycle before you need outside intervention. Universities also have programs for students who feel that they may be academically in trouble. If not, speak with your PI. If nothing else, it might help him to know that you are suffering from some severe homesickness and that you feel incredibly isolated, so it's very difficult for you to focus and you feel like you're at the end of your rope still halfway down the cliff. You don't have to give him all of the details, but letting your advisers and faculty know that you're in a rough patch and trying your best to work your way out of it without slacking off is a good way to help them help you. I found it very painful, as a teacher, to deal with a student that came to me near the end of the semester to explain that she or he hadn't been involved in the class out of laziness, but out of a genuine problem. Particularly a problem I could have helped out with. Before you quit, talk to someone about you problems. What you're feeling and going through is not unusual. It happens to a lot of people. That's why universities have student services. If your uni's website can't direct you, check with the student health center.

[aberrant]

I did three rotations and just stayed in the third lab. I have been in this lab for about 6/7 months. I have gotten nothing to work, not one experiment. Everything I do fails, I have attempted all my experiments multiple times. To me its nothing too complicated, for example western blots and immunoflouresence.

 

You instantly reminded me of this quote -- "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." by Albert Einstein. I personally think that science research has a lot to do with troubleshooting. There must be some serious problems if you haven't get things right for 6 or 7 months -- not even things that you considered "nothing too complicated". Assuming that you are doing western blot to identify some sort of protein, how long does it take for you to realize that something is wrong with your protocol (or your practice)? It shouldn't take you long to realize that something is wrong with your experiments after repeating the same experiment one or even two times. Did you look for assistance/help from your colleagues / PI? If nothing is complicated, shouldn't you be able to troubleshoot the problem in the first place, given that solving these kinda problem is almost a routine? While there may be things that are negatively impacting your life, you should reconsidered why did you apply and attend graduate school in the first place.

 

Just because you are putting hours in the lab that doesn't mean you are doing science. We are talking about efficiency; effectively use your time / time management is one heck of an important lesson you should have learned as an undergrad

 

ps. I also am an international student / not American and got my bachelor in the U.S., moved to a new state, work in the lab everyday (including weekends and holidays) -- and I'm enjoying it so far, after my first year.

Edited May 27, 2013 by aberrant

[St Andrews Lynx]

When I had problems getting experiments to work I tried running some basic controls that had nothing to do with my research but which helped me identify what was going wrong. Could I replicate the results of an experimental procedure out of the literature? (Yes, I got 69% yield versus the 72% they reported) Could I do a more basic version of my experiment, using a "standard" substrate? (Yes, the reaction went cleanly).

 

Those simple experiments told me firstly that the problem wasn't with my technique or lab skills, it was something to do with the substrates. Understanding why the experiment didn't work was the first step to making it work.

 

Later on it was kinda confirmed when the experienced postdoc in the lab tried my experiment...and got exactly the same results. In previous situations where I've not been sure if I was doing an experiment right, I'd ask a postdoc/supervisor/more experienced lab member if they could watch me setting up the experiment, to double-check that I hadn't missed anything out. 

 

But hey, I know from experience: the more you get something wrong and repeat those failed experiments endlessly on loop...the more mistakes you start making, and the more frustrated you become. Take a break from Western blotting for a couple of days. Refresh yourself. Explore some side-projects.

[Tall Chai Latte]

Everyone here offered good suggestions. My grad program director once told me, that feeling frustrated doesn't mean you fail as a graduate student. 

 

I went through a phase like you described just a while back, and I was very close to calling it. At the time I felt uncomfortable revealing it to my PI, so I talked to my grad program director in private. He had me write down reasons I felt stressed as bullet points, for example, "I am frustrated about my projects because of A, B, and C", and approach these problems by saying "I have trouble in these areas, can you help me?" when talking to your PI. For me, seeing a list of reasons relieved some of the stress. Otherwise I'd be wondering why I was frustrated nonstop, which just made the situation even worse. 

 

Interestingly, it was at that point my experiments started working. 

Edited June 5, 2013 by Tall Chai Latte

[ScienceGiraffe]

I run experiments every day...i can feel your pain.

 

If i were you, i will find the person in the lab that can do the tests that you want to do. If he/she is friendly enough, ask him/her to stand behind you like a hawk while you run the tests. If he/she is not friendly enough, offer to buy him/her lunch in return, or even pay him/her cash by the hour. If the test is good, then you got it. if the test is not good, hopefully not, then you need to find another more capable person. For 6, 7 months with no results, i think your issues need that kind of attention.

 

Since you said it's simple procdures, i am assuming someone in your lab will know it well and done it thousands of times. unfortunately if you are the first person that does it, you probably need the PI or a more senior grad student to work side by side with you on it until you are independent.

 

Good luck