Seeking Feedback on SOP

[kdavid]

I'm pretty close to a final draft of my SOP.

 

As most programs have a 1,000-word limit, I'm quite constrained. Yet I suppose that's part of the task.

 

Here's my current draft:

 

http://docdroid.net/5jjv

 

I would greatly appreciate feedback and/or criticism of any kind!

Edited October 25, 2013 by kdavid

[DeVryGrad06]

Hello there,

 

This SOP has sentences and structure lifted directly from the UC Berkley sample. I would go through and write the SOP in your own words (this is assuming you haven't submitted the statement yet).

 

Here are a few of the  most glaring examples:

 

Your SOP:

"__________ is the ideal institution at which to receive my PhD, largely because of its outstanding faculty and interdisciplinary approach to history. hile researching _____'s program, I was delighted to learn that Professors Jeffrey Wasserstrom and Emily Baum both teach at

UCI. Professor Wasserstrom’s research on student movements aligns well with my interests in early

twentieth century education..."

 

Berkley Sample:

"UC Berkeley's history program looms large in my mind, largely because of its outstanding

faculty and interdisciplinary approach to history. I was thrilled to learn that Professors..."

 

 

Your SOP:

"will undoubtedly make my experience at ______ intellectually challenging and rewarding"

 

Berkley Sample:

"would make my experience at Berkeley a challenging and enjoyable one"

 

 

I understand these are basic sentences, but the similarities are uncanny. If I was able to recognize plagarism this easily I guarentee admissons comittees will, too.

Edited January 19, 2014 by SolarTemple