SOS!!! - Miserable in grad school :-(

[psychgrad]

Hi,

I haven't been on here in a while. I wrote a while ago when I first started grad school in clinical psych in the fall and was having issues with my advisor. Well, it has not gotten better. She seemed like such a good person to work for when I was applying, but now she seems like a pretty cold person. She's abrupt, sometimes obnoxious and sometimes even inappropriate. I have tried talking to her and letting her know what I feel (while still being respectful and open to ideas) -- I told her I feel there's a tension between us that I wish weren't there.

I have these ideas for research that I feel all excited about, and she either outright shuts me down or she does so passive-aggressively. I asked her a couple questions that apparently were psychodynamic questions, so now she has labeled me the psychoanalyst in the lab. I feel like she hardly knows me, but she judges me a lot and says very closed-minded and black and white things. She's very hot and cold.

Is it a terribly bad idea to try and transfer to another phd program? I keep thinking back to the decision last year of what school to go to, and I feel full of regret. I don't really like to program that much -- even thought it's a well known school, I feel like the faculty don't always really care if we're learning, and the classes aren't really all that great. I thought the school was very organized, but it turns out it's just rigid. I have found some other students and a couple faculty members that I like, which feels good, but I still don't know if that out ways the negative. I really thought I would like graduate school, but it seems to just suck. I know I want to be a psychologist, and so I will hang in there if I have to. My question is, do I have to? Do PhD clinical grad students transfer schools? How would I go about doing that?

[kh1264]

Hey,

I am not yet a grad student (will be in the Fall), but I talked with a grad Psych student from an Ivy League school (in their Developmental Ph.D. program) who felt the same way. She was in a wonderful, top-notch program but apparently had the coldest professors. The working environment was not at all healthy and pleasant for her, and so she transferred to a school that embraced positive student-professor relationships in her second year. The school is not nearly as well ranked as this Ivy school, but it's a consortium school so most of the professors have taught at Ivies and top-ranked public universities, have done stellar work, continue to do stellar work and have wonderful connections. This was just a better situation for her and she seems to have made an improvement when she decided to transfer. Obviously the choice is yours and I hope your situation turns around. It may very well change as you know your advisor better over the years, or perhaps you can change advisors, but don't be afraid to seek out other options if you're not feeling hopeful about your current program. I would recommend talking with other profs, deans, students....anyone whose advice you can trust. Definitely get some opinions before you make a decision. Best of luck!

~kh1264

[psycholinguist]

I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles!

It sounds as if transferring would be ideal in your situation; you like the work, you like the idea of grad-school, but it's the particular characteristics of your department that are not working for you. I would certainly look into transferring. How about emailing departments at other schools that look better, expressing your dissatisfaction with the one you're in now, and asking whether they take transfer-grad-students?

[psychdork]

I would definitely look into transferring. Really what is the worst that could happen if you do? Besides, how are you supposed to excel if your advisor isn't helping you (or cutting you down)? Sometimes people just don't click and it has nothing to do with either of you.

[jnett8]

My professor told me she went through the same thing while she was going through an Experimental PhD program at a reputable university. She ended up changing advisors, and pretty well told the woman that she was working under that it just wasn't working out, and she needed a change of supervision. Would this be an option for you if transfering looks like a pain? Yeah it may be awkward for a while, but one you are away from her, she looses the control anyways. In my opinion you have every right to look for someone else to wrok with! And I would hope that the head of the program would agree.

On the other hand, my professors have also always told me that transfering during a Clinical PhD program is not unheard of, and that sometimes life happens and you have no choice!

Good luck!!

[StudyMom]

I also a second semester PhD student but I am in a different field but having the same kind of difficulties with my adviser. She is very rarely available, expects you to find out EVERYTHING for yourself (even conferences that might be good for you to submit papers or attend), disses those conferences that you find out for yourself and submit papers to; does not like my dissertation idea and is very vague about its potential. However, I am very proactive about my degree/career and I have found another prof that I think is great and I am now hopeful that this new person will agree to be my adviser. Changing advisers is fine at my school, providing there is a valid reason for doing so. Why not try to connect with a prof that you like and approach them about becoming your adviser? It would be easier than switching schools, though if you really don't like the department then you probably want to change both school and adviser.

Good luck. Try to be positive -- the end will be worth it! (at least that's what I keep telling myself...)

[psychgrad]

Hi,

Thanks for your reply. Why do things need to be so difficult? Well, I don't think it would be a good idea for me to transfer advisors. Chances are my advisor would be on my dissertation committee anyway, plus the department is pretty small. I think I might try to give it till the end of this year and see how it goes. But, I might also start doing research into other programs as well.

If anyone has any more feedback, this is really helpful!

[liszt85]

Hi,

Thanks for your reply. Why do things need to be so difficult? Well, I don't think it would be a good idea for me to transfer advisors. Chances are my advisor would be on my dissertation committee anyway, plus the department is pretty small. I think I might try to give it till the end of this year and see how it goes. But, I might also start doing research into other programs as well.

If anyone has any more feedback, this is really helpful!

You probably won't like to do it and justifiably so (you shouldn't get into any more trouble than you already are), but if things are so screwed up, it might help other applicants if they knew which school and dept this was! :|

[Rioga]

I think you should demand some respect for yourself, and if this implies that you have to transfer or switch advisers then don

[Hopelessly_Neurotic]

Hi,

Thanks for your reply. Why do things need to be so difficult? Well, I don't think it would be a good idea for me to transfer advisors. Chances are my advisor would be on my dissertation committee anyway, plus the department is pretty small. I think I might try to give it till the end of this year and see how it goes. But, I might also start doing research into other programs as well.

If anyone has any more feedback, this is really helpful!

Hi again! I replied to you a while back on another thread. I'm sorry to hear that things haven't gotten better. I'm not going to tell you what you should do, but if it were me.....I would find a way to get out of there and into a better environment. What you describe sounds like torture. I think students spend a lot of time ruminating about burning bridges, etc., etc... I really don't think it would hurt you to leave the school and go elsewhere. There is no way to make this a "good" situation -- it is what it is -- however, I think your chances of being successful and happy will be much greater if you are in a more positive, supportive environment, working with a prof you respect and who respects you.

I wish you luck and the strength to make the right decision!!

[IOPsych83]

Sorry to hear your dilemma psychgrad.

I am a 2nd year student in an I/O program, so it is not the same as clinical, but we have 3 individuals that are now in our program that transferred from other programs they were not happy with. Do you have any contacts at other univerisites that you are somewhat close with? Having someone on the inside of the program you are considering transferring to would be a huge help. I hope it works out for you, I would hate to have an advisor that did not give good feedback and help. That is why I like the idea of not having an advisor when you come into the program. This way you can work with all the professors and then decide which one has the most in common with you and which one you click with best. I hope it all works out for you.