Dealing with massive miscalculations

[sifir]

I don't know how I got into this school or this MA program. The only class I'm actually enjoying (despite being as bad a student in it as in any other context) is the one that isn't actually very related to my declared research area and doesn't really fit under the purview of my program. The other two classes, well, 1) I consistently find the readings to be vague at best and utterly pointless at worst, and 2) I have no sense of what a proper understanding would actually constitute. Looking at my midterm paper prompts, well, I was halfway able to get a handle on one of them, but for the other class, it's as if I'm looking at magical incantations which suffuse me with an impression of urgent but completely alien meaning, and I can neither comprehend nor articulate the requested analyses. I'm not exaggerating. Ten pages due tomorrow (by tomorrow? by the end of tomorrow? instructor did not specify and I cannot bring myself to ask) and I am still staring at a completely blank page wondering what the hell I'm supposed to be writing.

 

I think I might actually fail that class, actually. How does that work, in grad school? Do they just throw you out, or just delay your progress? I mean, at this point, if I were a rich person, I would probably just drop out of my own volition and look into some way of rendering myself unconscious for the rest of the academic year or until the shame wears off, whichever comes first. But I borrowed money for this, I sank money not only into tuition but also housing, transportation, utilities, and the like. Sunk costs. So yeah, I need to figure out how to deal with the undesirable novelty of literal failure, rather than giving up in my natural weak-willed fashion.

 

I'm a little astonished that I was able to front so well that an admissions committee actually thought I deserved a spot in their graduate program. They gave me money, so surely it can't have been wholly motivated by financial need.

 

//edit: Should I keep throwing myself at this wall, or move on to the activities required to maintain a base level of performance in my other classes, including the one that's of less relevance to my initially declared research interest? As you can see, my framing of the problem is quite clearly suggestive of the kind of answer I want to hear; less clear is whether that's the correct answer.

Edited November 5, 2013 by sifir

[Lisa44201]

You are not inarticulate, at least not as the concept pertains to the written word; if you were this eloquent in front of an admissions committee, I can see why you were admitted. 

 

In other words, you talked your way in.

 

You have managed to write a very articulate essay which can be boiled down into three words: "I don't wanna."

 

I'm guessing you got through undergrad without working hard at it, and have now found grad school to be a different matter; it is not impossible to write a 10-page mid-term the night before it is due (I've done it), but it is very difficult if you do not have a good grasp on the class; this seems to be the case with you.

 

Enjoying a class should not be a prerequisite to putting forth some effort; in school, and in your job, you will be asked to do things that do not interest you; welcome to real life.

 

The policy on failing out of a program varies by location; in my former program, two C's automatically got a student expelled; here, I believe two C's results in a semester of academic probation and intense evaluation by a department committee, then getting kicked out if the student has not shown progress.

 

You do not come across as hating the program; quite frankly, you come across as lazy and entitled. The third option (throw yourself at the wall being one, maintaining a base level of performance being the second) is to actually put in some effort and earn a reasonable grade. The fourth is to withdraw. Given your apparent work ethic, that may be the best option.

[MsDarjeeling]

Sounds advice from Lisa, and yes the rules for failing out are different at each school.  In my current program if you get a C+ or lower you are expelled and there is no academic probation.  There is an appeals process and winning means having to repeat the class you failed and understanding that if you receive another failing grade in any class the appeals process will not be available to you.