should I ask if my letter will be positive?

[tempact]

Even if I really think the guy likes me a lot?

 

The thing is, I'm pretty sure he found out about something about me (marijuana). Where I am from, this is a big deal to a lot of people. I am not sure where he stands on the issue and he hasn't said anything about it.

 

Addtionally, his spouse has suddenly started encouraging me to attend UC-Boulder, when before she had thought another program was a better fit.

 

 

Should I ask him directly if he can write me a positive letter? I really don't want to bring the issue about the pot up. There is a chance he did not find out about it.

 

Any opinions, based off of the few details I have provided?

 

Thanks!

[Lisa44201]

I would suggest asking that anyway, no matter what your extracurriculars are.

Edited November 13, 2013 by Lisa44201

[Sizzle]

...

Addtionally, his spouse has suddenly started encouraging me to attend UC-Boulder, when before she had thought another program was a better fit.

 

...

 

Perhaps, she made that suggestion on the grounds of recreational Marijuana being legal in Colorado (at a state, not federal level).

[TakeruK]

My opinion is that in the ideal case, you would want to know that your LOR writer will write a good letter without you needing to ask. My LOR writers and I talked so much about which programs I should apply to and who would be good POIs for me that it would be pretty silly to ask, after all that, if they were going to write me a positive letter. But, I definitely don't want to say that this is generally true and that if you are actually not sure, then it doesn't hurt to ask.

 

In your case, with the few details provided, it sounds like until recently, you were sure that this would be a good letter and would not need to ask. But now you are afraid that the letter might not be good after all, now that the prof might have found out about the "pot issue" (I don't really know what happened so let's just call it that for simplicity?) At the same time, you don't want to bring up the issue in case the prof doesn't actually know.

 

Here are some options I think:

 

1. Ask anyways and pass it off as a joke if the prof is confused as to why you even need to ask if it's a positive letter. If your relationship is as good as it sounds, then you can probably just make this part of one of your normal interactions. Hopefully you will get a response that will alleviate your worries, or at least a response that is honest. But remember that sometimes people have a hard time saying negative things to someone directly! In addition, if the prof now thinks negatively of you, but they don't know how to tell you that they don't want to write a letter anymore, asking them directly might give them a chance to politely suggest you get a letter from someone else.

 

2. You could also just not bring it up at all, and rely on the prof to come clean if he feels like he can no longer write a positive letter for you. The pro would be that you won't have to deal with a potentially awkward/uncomfortable conversation/confrontation. The con would be that you will not know what your letter will say. However you should also consider what your prof might do with information about the "pot issue". Do you think he will factor that into your letter, somehow -- i.e. make you sound like a bad candidate and write negative things about your abilities as a researcher just because he knows this information, or do you think that although he may or may not approve of the "pot issue", he would still keep the letter professional and only discuss your abilities as a researcher. Similarly, do you think he will just randomly attach information about the "pot issue" into the letter, which doesn't seem like it would be relevant. If you think he would, do you think that the profs at the places you are applying to will just ignore this irrelevant piece of information, or do you think they will view it negatively (or positively)? 

 

I guess what I'm getting at here is that even though it might be a big deal to him about the "pot issue", it might not affect the quality of your letter from him after all. So it's up to you to decide whether or not it's worth the "cost" of the stress/anxiety of not-knowing or having a confrontation because this "cost" is dependent on each person! 

 

Finally, the UC-Boulder comment might due to legalisation of pot there, but it could also just be a coincidence -- it's possible that your prof's spouse found out something good for you at that school. I wouldn't really read too much into the comment. Like I said above, you might have nothing to worry about at all, or if you're comfortable with it, just directly asking won't really hurt!

[Loric]

I have a hard time thinking a higher level academic has such vehemently negative feelings toward marijuana. This coming from a "prude" who never partook. But it's like expecting someone who comes from an all male boarding school to be violently opposed to the concept of mutual masturbation. They're more like "meh" - cuz such is life. 

 

I just watched "Another Country" on netflix so i could be coming at this from a completely skewed perspective.. but pot isn't that big of a deal for most people, even those who don't use it themselves. 

[astaroth27]

Who would take the time to write a negative letter? If they like or respect you enough to take the time to write you an LOR it will be generally positive. That said, it is really easy to tell the level of enthusiasm a letter writer has about someone and if they are on the fence about you it will show. Asking them if they will write a positive LOR is silly.