Anybody please check my SoP

[tasrubabu]

hi everybody, i am a new member of gradcafe. i am trying to take my master degree from Malaysia. i contacted with a Malay professor who asked my statement of purpose. i wrote this SOP given below after looking some samples. please read it and evaluate . also comment if any correction is needed:

 

Statement of Purpose

 

“Education is a social process. Education is growth. Education is, not a preparation for life; education is life itself.” -John Dewey

 

I cannot forget that memorable day of my life which is still affixed on the canvas of my memory. That was my first day at school. My mom told me-‘you will go to school today.’

 When I look over the past I became astonished. How many days have been passed! Now I am thinking for my higher study!

Albeit I am not from a rich family the creator gifted me a lot. I was a genius and talented student in past and still I am. I have stood first in the examination most of the time. When I passed my SSC exam I obtained golden A+ (letter grade in all subject). It was a record of my school. After passing my collage successfully I got admitted in Rajshahi University of Engineering & Technology (RUET). In Bangladesh, getting admitted oneself in a public university is so much complicated and hard. There are only four public universities in Bangladesh. So I had to place through a hard competition. There were more than 4000 students attended in the admission test but only 480 students were selected for study. It is the mercy of the creator that I was among them.

However, my late father was a benefactor of mine. In my childhood he told me – ‘Son, you have to be a very big engineer. You have to design aero plane.’ Sometimes, after reading newspaper he told me about those who went to abroad for higher study. Then he inspired me that I have to go also. Now I am surprised that, my father’s wish is going to be true. I am already a mechanical engineer! And I am trying to take my higher study aboard.

I found some extracurricular activities into mine. I attended in science fair for two times. I like to think like a scientist. So I have written some science fictions which were published in various renowned journals in Bangladesh. I also write poems and stories which are being published in various national dailies of my country. One of my books is going to be published this year. I can debate, recite poems etc. Also my IQ level is very high.

However, as a student of Mechanical Engineering, my intension is to take Master’s Degree to refine my knowledge and skill set in areas of my interest. I think, it will assist me to reach my goal of career as a research professional at academic, commercial or research based institutes. I intend to pursue my Master’s Degree in order to achieve this goal. Curiosity has been the main attribute of my behavior. I always sought new questions and I believe that it has led me towards education success.

 

When I was an undergrad, I had a strong background in the fundamentals of the basic mechanical engineering subjects. Theory of machine, Automobile, Production Process Engineering, Thermodynamics, Solids Mechanics, Computer Science and Electrical Engineering etc. captured my attention.

During my undergraduate course, I took an industrial tour in Rajshahi Sugar Mills Ltd. There I saw those things before my very eyes which I read in book herein before like boiler, generator etc. I understood the working principle of those machines.  I prepared two technical papers on my thesis project for international conference which is going to be held in our country in December. My thesis project was based on ‘Pyrolysis technology using an opaque reactor preheated by solar energy from the perspective of Bangladesh.’ In my project I found around 27% savings in cost and energy than conventional process.

 

Actually, I was inspired for higher study from my thesis project. I want to be a good researcher and I want to go to the teaching profession due to the liability and my interest. I want to hone my intellectual abilities to acquire in-depth competence in my stream of engineering; to develop individuality and conviviality; to learn for collective good and expand my horizons of knowledge.

Malaysia is going to be the world leader in technology day by day. Malaysia avails the advantages of securing the best of knowledge, quality of education, good life style and above all the international exposure. Browsing through the information brochure and the University's web page I feel that the Graduate Study in your university holds a lot of promise to me. While seeing your resume for first time, it charmed me much. I became very eager to take my master degree under your supervision. I became much more interested in your natural fiber related topics. My curiosity grew up to know the world of natural fiber. So I want to become under you to fulfill my curiosity and thirst about natural fiber.

 

I would be glad if a research assistantship is given because in addition to easing the financial burden on me, it would go a long way in preparing me for a career in research and teaching.

 

Hope, if I get a chance I will be able to make a meaningful contribution to the ongoing research developments. I am fully aware that a pursuit in research and academics requires a high level of dedication, determination, motivation and self-discipline. I intend to assure you that I will meet the above expectations diligently and prove to be a worthy student.

[Flandre Scarlet]

I've messaged you about it.

[danieleWrites]

I teach composition in the US, and I've dealt with international students. The culture of both the society the program is in (Malaysian) and of the discipline (mechanical engineering) matters when you're creating a document.

 

That SOP wouldn't fly in the US. Half of it doesn't say anything substantial and the rest focuses on your accomplishments without context important to the program. For example, your A+ means what to the program? Why should they care that you got that grade? In other words: so what?

 

The questions you will be answering in an SOP doesn't change:

What are you research interests and how do those interests match what the program has to offer?

What makes you qualified to be in their program, specifically?

Why should they pick you rather than the dozens of other just as qualified applicants? What sets you apart, in the field of mechanical engineering, from others who have high marks?

 

My suggestion: put aside what you've written, take the three questions above and structure your SOP to answer them. Make use of writing conventions in mechanical engineering, and the conventions for professional writing in Malaysia.

 

Meandering monologues about your past and how you are now turning to look at the future, as well as overly obvious pandering to the program may or may not be appropriate for the person reading your SOP, I don't know because I'm not part of that culture. However, nothing in your SOP distinguishes you (in terms of the questions the SOP is supposed to answer) from the average SOP writer. Nothing in your SOP explains the specific reasons why you selected their program, aside from the fact that you liked their website. And really, what bearing does a website have on the quality of instruction and research opportunities in mechanical engineering?