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Need help with the introductory paragraph of my SOP for M.E. Computational Science and Engineering


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As an undergraduate student, I was exposed to wide range of subjects in Computer Science, and focused more on modules that involved complex programming, networking, different encryption algorithms, etc. Although programming is my favorite, I enjoyed not just programming, but even engineering applications, sharing ideas with group mates and Professors by maintaining a cordial relationship with everyone, taking leadership in group projects and contributing innovative plans that help reach the target, etc. My interest to do post-graduation began when I started to see world-class innovations that have influenced millions of lives – Google search engine, Cloud Computing, Big Data, Blood Simulators, Autopilot, etc., because I have a strong feeling that just an undergraduate degree would be insufficient to get a deep insight on such areas. The degree program at Liverpool has endowed me with moderate knowledge in wide spectrum of subjects in this field, qualifying me to pursue either PhD or Post-graduation in their University with Liverpool attainment scholarship for having maintained ‘A’ grade on all consecutive years. Since my only ambition was to do Masters at Harvard, I happen to hesitate the attainment scholarship issued by the University and job opportunities I had in the UK.

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Uh, is this your introductory paragraph?  If so, I would not mention you have the opportunity to stay at Liverpool with scholarship and what sounds like guaranteed Ph.D. admittance. And you have the balls to mention that not only are hesitant about attending Harvard, but you only want a Masters from Harvard, too. Seriously, this is not the way to get into any grad program in the U.S., Ivy League or otherwise. 

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