Making new friends and maintaining a social life in graduate school

[Authorization]

How do you manage to make friends and have some degree of a social life in graduate school? I've heard it's fairly busy and less social than undergrad, and I've noticed that even the undergrads I've met who are more social or outgoing tend to have lower GPAs or take longer to graduate - I couldn't imagine the problems this would cause in graduate school (!) As a result I'm concerned about maintaining a schoolwork-social life balance in graduate school. Does anyone have any input on this topic? 

[nugget]

You probably won't have time to go out 3-4 nights a week like in undergrad but one night a week should be fine (but maybe not during the end of the term).

[TakeruK]

I don't think I ever had time to go out 3-4 nights a week in undergrad! But I also had a 1-1.5 hr commute so that really cut into my time! In grad school, I would say that during terms where I have coursework, I probably have time to go out once a week, sometimes twice. During times where I don't, e.g. the summer or after I had finished all my classes for my MSc or next quarter when I don't have classes or teaching, I could probably do something almost every evening if I wanted to.  That is, I don't really feel the pressure to work more than a regular 9 to 5 plus maybe 5-10 hours on the weekends. But I wouldn't even want to go out every evening because I prefer to spend some of my down time just doing nothing, or reading, or watching TV, or cooking etc. My point is that once you get past the coursework stage, grad school becomes a X hours per week research job (where X is something like 40-50 for me) and you can pretty much be a "regular person" outside of your work hours. However, I know some in the lab fields where you have to be in the lab for certain measurements so that would mean a less flexible schedule. Overall though, being a grad student is busy but if you have other interests, you can and should prioritize your time so that you have the work-play balance you want.

[juilletmercredi]

It just really depends om your priorities and ability to balance.  I have had a great social life throughout most of the time I was in grad school, and the times when I didn't have one were my lowest and most unproductive years.  In years 1-2 I made friends with the master's students who came in with him, and since most of us were fresh out of undergrad or maybe just a few years removed, we liked to hang out and have a lot of fun.  I think I went out at least 2 weekends a month and then maybe one day out of the week.  I was very very busy but I usually had enough time to hang with friends.

 

After my master's friends all graduated I found other ways to make friends - I did a graduate-student-only paraprofessional job on campus and made my best friends there; I played in a city-wide social sports league and I went to a bunch of grad student mixers.  I also made the effort to hang out with some of the closer people in my departments (I have two).  I did all of this while taking coursework and/or studying for exams, so yes, it's very possible - you just have to prioritize it and fit it in around the other stuff you have to do.

 

You have to make the effort in grad school - sometimes you won't feel like taking off your pajamas and putting on real clothes because you're at home, working, but I always made the effort because my social life is really important to me - I'm very outgoing and love to have friends and hang out.  Once my friends graduated and started working full-time jobs I had to make even more effort, because they actually had more free time than I did BUT at hours that were at odds with mine.  Periodically I'll send an email to a friend I haven't seen in a while and say "Let's grab lunch/coffee/drinks!" in order to maintain those friendships.

 

I agree with TakeruK, too - I'm a social scientist, so while I belong to a "lab" I don't have to be in the lab in the traditional sense.  90% of my work is done at home parked in front of my desk, from a computer.  So I work a much more regular and flexible week now that my coursework is over - probably about 40-50 hours at this point, which isn't much busier than a person working full-time.  My advantage is that I can work any 40-50 hours I want, so I try to make myself available when my friends (who are mostly working full-time and have more rigid schedules) are available.

[nnnnnnn]

You have to make the effort in grad school - sometimes you won't feel like taking off your pajamas and putting on real clothes because you're at home, working

 

Yes, don't give into the Blerch: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/running

 

I would also say that it helps to set your priorities at the earlier stage of your research. Because then, maybe you won't go for the adviser who equates constant lab presence with efficient work. Or maybe you can plan experiments according to your social calendar. As juilletmercredi mentions (and in other posts around the forum bring up), while you are very busy, you are actually fairly flexible with your hours and to some extent (depending on your field) where you spend those hours.

 

It's very easy to fall into a rut of business while forgetting that socializing is a goal with its own validity and importance. So yeah, set your goals beforehand and keep to them.

[Authorization]

You probably won't have time to go out 3-4 nights a week like in undergrad but one night a week should be fine (but maybe not during the end of the term).

 

That wasn't me! I spent most weekdays of undergrad indoors studying… even with my relatively light major and lenient coursework. Might have to get back into the loop of doing that for grad school. 

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

That wasn't me! I spent most weekdays of undergrad indoors studying… even with my relatively light major and lenient coursework. Might have to get back into the loop of doing that for grad school.

So did you overstudy? Classes in undergrad, especially "light" ones, aren't made to require endless studying. I just don't see how someone could study all day, every day unless they're going above and beyond the required coursework.

[nnnnnnn]

So did you overstudy? Classes in undergrad, especially "light" ones, aren't made to require endless studying. I just don't see how someone could study all day, every day unless they're going above and beyond the required coursework.

 

Doesn't that depend on your school? Or pre-college preparation and study skills?

 

I worked my butt off in undergrad. Academically, grad school has been breezy. It's hard in other ways though. Womp-womp.

[ChocoLatte]

I plan any events way in advance and stick them on a calendar.

I mean, I still go out at random to grab a coffee with a friend or get dinner, etc, but it's often something that I have to do anyway (like eat! haha) and doesn't take a lot of time.  The only exception to the planning rule is date nights with the boyfriend, but even he understands that any spontaneous thing comes second to work I may have to do and that it can't keep me out all night.

 

It helps that some of my new friends I met outside of graduate school, so it isnt just like...work friends?  But she just happens to be in a graduate program at the same school in a different department, which I found out later.  As a result, we understand each others work loads and schedules but also could chill in pajamas in the office drinking tea/coffee doing work and consider that our socializing time.