Early Termination of Fulbright Grant

[Lzhang917]

Hi everyone! I'm currently an ETA and I'm thinking about returning home. Don't get me wrong I do really like teaching and the like but I am not enjoying my placement city. It is too small. There's really not much to do. Also I don't really have any friends and it's my 5th month in. I've tried but it's hard to make friends when there is a language barrier. People here seem to like to keep to themselves for the most part. The whole grant started off terribly and the drama over housing seems to be never ending. Ideally it would be nice to be relocated but I don't think that's all too realistic. I don't really want to be the one that quit and I would like to stick it out but another 4 months of being sad and alone doesn't really sound all too appealing.

Are there any negative ramifications of leaving early? Did anyone here leave early and regret it/think it was the right choice?

[tomjonesy517]

As someone who has not received a Fulbright but who has been in a very similar situation before: leave. You've been at it for months and it's not getting better. Leave especially if you don't imagine things getting better at all. Sorry, Fulbright awardees might get better jobs, but you're talking another four months of misery for you. In my opinion you shouldn't go through life miserable for stepping stone status. Don't feel pressured because of prestige; you should do what is best for your mental and emotional health.

[TakeMyCoffeeBlack]

What country are you in? I'm currently a Fulbright scholar in Germany. I'm doing alright socially, but I understand the troubles of the language barrier (and I already went through the socially reclusive stage when I studied abroad in 2012). I'm not sure what your commission is like, but I know that ours has made it pretty clear that they'd relocate us if there were sufficient reason. Social isolation and (possibly?) depression should count. Feel free to PM me.

[Torrid]

I am also a current ETA in Germany, and I agree that you should reach out to your respective commission with your concerns, at the least so they are informed of your current feelings and aren't as blindsided if you do decide to leave. Your mental health comes first -- no one is going to look out for you better than you can -- so ultimately I think it's up to you to decide what you can and cannot handle, but your commission may be able to help in some way.

[lady rainicorn]

Hi Lzhang917-

 

I was an ETA in Korea a few years ago, and so I know it's hard. Looking back at the experience, I remember it fondly, but the first 6 months were pretty challenging. I went to Korea with a very limited language facility (and knowing almost nothing about the culture), and so having to learn Korean in my mid 20s was really difficult for me, foreign languages are not my strong point. It's definitely lonely at first. I was stationed in a small factory town in the middle of the country. I also had a very close person in my life pass away my second day of teaching, and had to both mourn and act as a support system from overseas (as you know, I couldn't leave the country to go to the funeral b/c this person wasn't in my immediate family). This made teaching extremely difficult because I had to perform and exhibit a cheerful countenance to the hundreds of middle school students I saw every week. I also had to teach one of the worst classes that had rolled through my school in a while (all the teachers agreed that that particular class of 400 students as a whole was pretty bad behaviorally). That said, the latter half of my grant year was amazing. I was a much better teacher, my language ability went up (with a lot of studying, I took a language class over the winter break), and I was beginning to connect with people in my community more. 

 

Personally, I wouldn't terminate early, unless you experience something really out of the ordinary negative. But what you described so far (alienation, loneliness, housing drama) seemed to be the norm in my year, and I think everyone stayed until the end (and Korea was def NOT for everyone, and some people were able to switch host families). During my grant period, Fulbright admin stressed the importance of not picking up and leaving suddenly b/c it causes a lot of administrative issues for the host school and the relationship between that school and Fulbright. The attitude may be different in your respective host country though, I can only speak for Korea's program. I did consider terminating early b/c of the complicated nature of the person who passed away, but in retrospect now, I am really happy that I stayed in Korea. I even renewed for a second year. 

 

I agree with Torrid that you should talk to the commission in your country. If things really are going beyond the normal amount of isolation/depression that is expected with living abroad in a foreign country, that may warrant a relocation or ultimately the final decision to leave. Only you can decide what is best for you in the end. Your mental health should come first, but make sure you talk it out with people, especially if you have other ETAs you trust. You will probably find that they are having difficulty too.

 

Best of luck! PM me if you want to!

[marty3]

I don't think you should be concerned with repercussions if your mental health is in jeopardy. As far as prestige goes, you're still a Fulbright ETA. You didn't complete it, but you still have some experience from it that can go on your resume (if worded carefully), and you still won the award. Remember, that any award you win, whether you accept or decline it, can still go on your resume. You'll still be a good candidate for a job, so don't worry about that.

 

Do check your Fulbright contract regarding early termination. My Fulbright scholarship was the worst year of my life, and I wanted to leave early, but I couldn't without having to return my entire stipend up until that point. Needless to say, I couldn't afford that. Mental health can be a work-around for that, and it probably would have been in my case, but the people at my commission were by no means friendly or willing to help. I should have been more determined to leave, and actually regret that I hadn't left early now.

 

If you are willing to stay, your commission might actually be of help to you as well. You won't be the first unhappy scholar, and you won't be the last. Perhaps they'll relocate you or give you some useful information or contacts, like alumni, to help make your current situation work. You won't know until you ask.

 

The only thing that made my Fulbright experience slightly positive was traveling. If you can afford to see some of the major sights in the rest of your country, or even nearby countries, go for it. It will give you something to look forward to and help you get through the weeks and months, and really helped me through the toughest times. Alternatively, you could try and spend a weekend in a hostel even in your own city/town. It's easy to miss out on some of the local sites when you are actually living and working there. I spent nearly a whole month in a hostel just a few blocks away from my dorm at the end of my scholarship, and I would have spent my whole year there if I could do it over.

[krys315]

Please do not terminate early.

 

You sighed up for cultural exchange. This is a learning experience. You chose this opportunity so finish it out!!! You are not in danger so just remember what you are doing. When you leave you will regret it.

 

You will be fine!! You made it more than hallfway!!

[brusselsprouted]

My Fulbright year (Germany, last year) was really hard too. I had just graduated college and all my friends were thousands of miles away. Plus I was living in the "real world", away from the support of my undergraduate institution. Combine that with the longest winter Germany had faced in 43 years (the sun was only up from 8:30am-4pm) and you have a great recipe for a long and lonely winter.

 

That being said, the last 4 months were the best. I traveled, made more friends, and finally began to feel comfortable with where I was living. I think it just takes a lot of time to settle in to living abroad and if you terminate your grant now you would never get to experience the amazing wonderful things about living abroad. Of course, you know yourself best and if you think it won't get better, it might not. But I think your experience is not unique and it will get better in the second half. 

[guttata]

Combine that with the longest winter Germany had faced in 43 years (the sun was only up from 8:30am-4pm) 

 

Just jumping in to point out that the lack of daylight had nothing to do with the depth of the winter. Germany is situated much further north than the United States, reducing your daylight during winter months. To illustrate, Minneapolis is located at ~45ºN, while Berlin is at ~52.5ºN.

[browncow]

It's important to distinguish between jeopardizing your mental health (danger of self-harm) and just having a hard time. A good dose of non-dangerous depression is pretty standard for a year abroad and kind of what you signed up for. Quitting looks bad to employers, especially for a short-term commitment, and 9 months is very, very short to any employer or person over 25.

[StyLeD]

In my opinion, quitting looks really bad, and only a mental evaluation will save you from the harshest of employer judgement. The Fulbright is one of the most prestigious programs in the world. Having been recognized as a worthy recipient, backing out of your commitment would partially negate the benefit of being a Fulbright scholar. It will depend on your future employer. 

 

However, I can also empathize with your current mentality. Like the poster above said, I would seriously consider whether you're going through a "phase" or are mentally unfit to complete the duration of your fellowship. 

[hj2012]

I must second what other posters have said: if this is a matter of mental health and safety, you must prioritize your own wellbeing.

That said...

Are you interested in academia or international relations or any other field where you expect Fulbright to be a big plus on your resume? If that is the case, I must caution that quitting early will not do you any favors. However, if your dream is to go to into, say, accounting, I question how much an employer would know or care about the length of a Fulbright grant year.

Having also lived abroad for a few years now (starting, incidentally, with a Fulbright grant), I agree that culture shock and anxiety are a normal part of the transition process. If you can stick it out, I encourage you to do so.

[semicolon2013]

I am not doing Fulbright, but I am currently teaching English in a small (less than 6,000 people) and very isolated town in France where there are no Americans and very few people my age. I often spend whole weekends without seeing anyone. I am having a hard time as well, but I would still say that unless you are close to suicidal--stay! Part of being abroad is learning to adjust to such circumstances, and you can still gain a lot even if not all of it is fun.  Plus, I think quitting would look very bad to employers unless you are doing it because of serious, diagnosed mental health issues.

 

Are there any clubs or organizations you can join? Can you take language classes? Have you tried to reach out to people, even if they are not your age or don't speak your language? Do you have hobbies you can do on your own?

 

PM me if you want to talk.

[overworkedta]

Talk to the governing body in charge and try to seek out mental health services if you are genuinely feeling depressed and if that's an option where you are.

I experienced some really hard times adjusting to life in Britain during my year abroad (believe it or not) because of a housing situation as well.  I had two great housemates, one meh one, and one truly awful one.  We also had no working stove, no working heat, etc.  Until I made British-living friends, I was pretty miserable.  Making even one friend a couple months in was truly life-changing for me.  I loved school and being able to travel but my living situation was truly awful because of one roommate and my inability to make food I wanted to eat.  Food was a huge issue for me there.  Reaching out to the local uni and housing board, I was able to solve the problem and get the student responsible for trouble written up.  The problems didn't completely go away but my life got much better.  However,really, it was having friends locally that "got" things and could tell me who to talk to that made all of the difference.

 

Finding friends can be trying (even for an extrovert like myself) but it was a great life skill to gain.  Even with the awful weather (I have SAD and was dx'ed there) and terrible food, I found ways to help myself and now miss Britain years later.  I have since been abroad to Rwanda for a summer and had almost zero lag adjusting even despite language barriers.  I made friends, surrounded myself with things I knew would help (like good coffee and the occasional ex-pat food treat) and did much better.

 

Don't leave before you have exhausted all opportunities.  It's never easy to go abroad - especially the first time you do.  Find resources and try to stick it out.  If your mental health simply won't permit it (I get that completely), then you can definitely take care of yourself and pull out.  But I would seriously try all avenues before that.