Worried I'm not smart enough for grad school

[fancyfeast]

Hi all,

 

So this is a problem that's been bothering me since I started research, but I thought it would go away over time. I'm really worried I'm not smart enough to be successful in grad school. I make good grades and would consider myself to be really hardworking and not necessarily naturally gifted, but after working on 2 or 3 projects in the lab I still feel like I need a lot of help. I don't have other undergrads to compare myself with so I don't know if it's all in my head or not. I get really frustrated when I have to go find a grad student for troubleshooting ideas. I feel like I don't have the necessary background to make things work and I always second guess myself and get frustrated when trying to draw significance from my results. I feel like I should have more confidence after being there for 2+ years but I sometimes I feel really hopeless and I'm worried that this will continue once I'm in grad school and I'll be miserable. 

 

That's pretty much the surface of the problem. I always thought I'd do a PhD, but now (I'm a junior) I'm really second-guessing myself. I always thought I was "too good" for med school, but now I'm starting to wonder if the way I learn and think are just better suited to the rote memorization that I always took med school to be. 

 

Thanks y'all.

[obaka]

I think a lot of people feel this way (look up imposter syndrome). Now, I'm willing to accept that maybe you just aren't capable, but you're probably selling yourself short. I'm sure you don't want to ask your PI pointblank "do you think I'm good enough for grad school" but maybe you could subtly ask some grad students you work with what they think of you/how they knew they were ready for grad school.

When I was in undergrad, I would constantly mess up in lab and have to go to my PI and explain my stupid mistakes. I thought he considered me a huge dumbass, but in a letter of recommendation he wrote for me, he listed it as a strength! It's better to know when you're in over your head and get help than to soldier on into the abyss and make things worse. Messing up and failure are just a part of learning. Seriously.

[fancyfeast]

Thanks obaka! How did you know you were ready for grad school? A lot of the grad students in my lab treat me like I'm a baby, which is okay and is appreciated sometimes, but sometimes it makes it hard for me to take myself seriously since they don't, if that makes sense.

[obaka]

Haha, honestly I'm not too confident in myself, but I work with a lot of very, very smart people who seem to think I would do great in grad school. So either I'm fooling all of them without realizing it or I actually do belong in grad school.

As for being treated like a baby, sometimes I feel like I'm treated that way as well. The same people who are doing everything they can to help me get into grad school make me feel like an infant sometimes but it's just how they show me support in their own awkward way. If you pay attention, you may realize they treat rotators and new post docs that way too.

[obaka]

Sometimes I kind of year the undergrads like babies, but really I'm usually just trying to let them know their mistakes to set them up for success in the future. I kind of feel like a jack ass sometimes but then I remember how people did the same for me when I first started and I really appreciated it.

[fancyfeast]

That's great you have that support I'm sure they wouldn't encourage you if they didn't mean it. My lab people can be kind of mute about my future plans, which is another reason I'm worried I'm not cut out for grad school life. It's difficult because I don't feel comfortable sharing these kinds of insecurities with them. They all have their own things to worry about and in the end I think my problem can only be solved by me finding confidence within myself (sooo much easier said than done for me haha).

 

I really appreciate your help though! It's reassuring that other people have felt similarly.

Edited January 21, 2014 by fancyfeast

[thegirldetective]

Three things:

 

1) Talk to your PI or grad students who help you for a reality check. They can give you an honest assessment of where you stand compared to, say, the average first-year grad student.

2) Consider spending a couple years as a tech. It'll give you more time to gain confodence and develop skills.

3) Read this: http://jcs.biologists.org/content/121/11/1771.full

[I am not sure yet]

After my first day of class, when I started my Master's, I went home conviced I was the worst student in class. Everybody knew what they were going to reseach, they all seemed so smart and confident and I was lost as hell. Back then, I didn't know about impostor syndrom, so I felt terrible for a very long time. I just hated myself and thought I was going to fail. It turned out I had a 4.0 GPA and was the first one to defend. =)

 

I just told all this story to say that maybe you're just being too hard on yourself.

[fancyfeast]

Three things:

 

1) Talk to your PI or grad students who help you for a reality check. They can give you an honest assessment of where you stand compared to, say, the average first-year grad student.

2) Consider spending a couple years as a tech. It'll give you more time to gain confodence and develop skills.

3) Read this: http://jcs.biologists.org/content/121/11/1771.full

 

I'm intimidated by my PI and afraid of wasting his time, but if I were to approach this topic with him, how would I ask without coming off as insecure as I feel? Would "I'm having a hard time judging how prepared I am to apply to grad schools this fall, where would you say I stand relative to other students," work?

 

I actually just got told to maybe consider a full-time research program for a year or two if I was feeling really uncertain and I think depending on what my PI says I will consider them. I'm itching to go to grad school but I like the idea of only focusing on doing research for two years and using them to maybe explore other areas that I might be interested in.

 

Lastly, I was actually given that article before my first presentation when I was really nervous! It helped at the time, and maybe re-reading it will provide the same reassurance.

 

Thanks for the reply

[fancyfeast]

After my first day of class, when I started my Master's, I went home conviced I was the worst student in class. Everybody knew what they were going to reseach, they all seemed so smart and confident and I was lost as hell. Back then, I didn't know about impostor syndrom, so I felt terrible for a very long time. I just hated myself and thought I was going to fail. It turned out I had a 4.0 GPA and was the first one to defend. =)

 

I just told all this story to say that maybe you're just being too hard on yourself.

 

That's seriously so awesome. I love stories like that! I very often feel like my peers are way above and beyond me, but I guess I actually keep up in class quite well; it just doesn't always feel that way. It's hard to compare myself to them when it comes to research since we're all in different labs and over half of them want to go to med school :/ I feel loads better now that people are telling me what I'm feeling is rather common.

[thegirldetective]

I'm intimidated by my PI and afraid of wasting his time, but if I were to approach this topic with him, how would I ask without coming off as insecure as I feel? Would "I'm having a hard time judging how prepared I am to apply to grad schools this fall, where would you say I stand relative to other students," work?

 

I actually just got told to maybe consider a full-time research program for a year or two if I was feeling really uncertain and I think depending on what my PI says I will consider them. I'm itching to go to grad school but I like the idea of only focusing on doing research for two years and using them to maybe explore other areas that I might be interested in.

 

Lastly, I was actually given that article before my first presentation when I was really nervous! It helped at the time, and maybe re-reading it will provide the same reassurance.

 

Thanks for the reply

 

You could try phrasing it as "(PI), I am considering going to graduate school in (field). Are there any skills you think I should develop or areas I can improve on to be a successful graduate student?" Then read the temperature of his answer.

 

I took two years off to do research and it was incredibly helpful. Clarified my interests, gained some confidence, and I was able to focus A LOT more on my apps then I would have been able to during my senior year.

 

Edit to say: Your phrasing was good too, just throwing out ideas.

Edited January 23, 2014 by thegirldetective

[spectastic]

You're probably smart enough. But being smart isn't the key in grad school. I think a lot of people are smart enough to be successful grad students. The key difference is your drive/motivation, as well as your ability to manage your state of mind. I find it incredibly helpful to be constantly aware of my state of mind, in order to have better control over it. For instance, I find it helpful to realize when I'm stressed, frustrated or overwhelmed, and that realization keeps me from losing my shit. I'm sure someone talks about it in a self help book.

[fancyfeast]

You could try phrasing it as "(PI), I am considering going to graduate school in (field). Are there any skills you think I should develop or areas I can improve on to be a successful graduate student?" Then read the temperature of his answer.

 

I took two years off to do research and it was incredibly helpful. Clarified my interests, gained some confidence, and I was able to focus A LOT more on my apps then I would have been able to during my senior year.

 

Edit to say: Your phrasing was good too, just throwing out ideas.

 

Nah I actually like yours better haha.