Feeling stressed and worried. Help?

[phdhopeful123]

Hey all,

 

I've read this forum frequently through my grad school application process, and it has been full of helpful tidbits. Now I have an odd situation of my own that I would appreciate feedback on.

 

I applied to a bunch of PhD programs last fall. I hoped to get into at least one, but I honestly felt like there was a real possibility that I'd be shut out from all of them. Now, a few months later, I have multiple fully funded offers, several of which are at top ranked schools. I should be feeling over the moon, but I'm not. I mean, I was proud to be accepted at the time, but I'm so worried I'm going to pick the wrong school or not live up to everyone's expectations. The prospect of picking a program is really tough. I am excited about my field, but I really torn between programs. It also is terrifying to think I could end up living in a new city by myself. The transition seems very difficult.

 

Also, I am in my last semester of undergrad right now and am genuinely struggling with a class. It's a 100 level class, but the professor is an extremely difficult grader. Every other semester, I have gotten straight As. My other courses are difficult as well. I am worried that if I do poorly in this course, I might have my offer rescinded. It would be easy to read a B or C in a 100 level class as senioritis/laziness, especially when coupled with a B elsewhere. I am working just as hard as I have in previous semesters... it's just by chance that I ended up with several tough professors this semester. It also doesn't help that I have missed so much school for interviews! I have considered doing a pass/fail option on the difficult 100 level course, but I'm not sure if that would be read even worse. Most of my acceptances were conditional upon completing undergrad, but I advertised in my application that I will have finished this 100 level course by the time I begin, which is obliquely related to the field.

 

So, my questions are:

--Am I crazy for not being happier?

--What can I do to be less worried?

--What's the likelihood that an offer will be rescinded?

 

Basically, I feel like the world has handed me a tremendous opportunity and I feel insanely guilty about not being more excited.

 

Thanks in advance.

[the_sheath]

No, being nervous about all of this is natural. I mean grad school is a big step for all of us, and we're likely going up against the best and brightest. Many of us have little idea of what we're doing and not living up to expectations is a common fear. And that emotion can muddle the excitement and that is OKAY. It shows you truly value your position (a very envious one) and like everyone else, you want to do well.

As for getting your offer rescinded: did passing those last classes involve blackmail or some kind of felony? If not, what you described seemed fine. I've heard of someone else on this board describe dropping a class late into the semester after having been accepted, and was told that would not affect that person's acceptance. But don't take my word for it, contact your respective DGS'es and ask. They'll probably be fine with it.

[pears]

First off, I highly doubt you'll have any offers rescinded. Seeing as you've been offered funding, I'm guessing programs will know it's an exception to the rule.

As for the rest: you're not alone in those feelings and worries! I'm at the program that was my top choice when applying and loving it, but I still feel anxious sometimes. One thing to understand is that going to grad school is inherently selfish, to at least some degree; you're going to a place that suits your needs in the short and long term to reach your goals. Go with the decision you know is best for you, then take that opportunity and run with it. It will likely be more disappointing if you chose somewhere to please everyone else, then struggled and didn't reach your full potential.

Taking your mind off it all is something of a two-part process. The first is to take your mind off of everything as much as possible: exercise, hang out with friends, indulge in a hobby that's not related to your academic work. The second is the more realistic part: acknowledge that your worries exist but are justified, and allow yourself to muddle through them. When I'm nervous, I try to remember why I'm so passionate about what I do, and think of the daunting task ahead as another step on the journey towards my "big picture" goals. I also like to think of the so-called Zone of Proximal Development; it reminds me that small risks and medium jumps are necessary for growth, but I still have to be cognizant of when I'm pushing myself so far that the risks outweigh the benefits. But, that's just my experience; you may have a different approach to rationalizing what you're doing and handling your worries. Hope that helped!

[VioletAyame]

It is incredibly terrifying and nerve-wrecking decision to make, and I can relate as I did not think I would get it anywhere and now I myself am going through the same decision process. I'm gonna tell you the same thing I just told my friend who is about to apply next fall. We both came from a ordinary state school without an MA, and my first 2 years I went to a community college to boost. When I was about to transfer, I thought about going to a more prestigious schools like U Mich or UT Austin but it didn't work out. So I went to this state school, having no idea that I'd want to go to grad school until I graduated. When I was applying, I was worried that would harm my chances compared to other candidates, but it didn't turn out to be the case. So here I was, worried and stressed again about where I should go; then I woke up one morning and realized that they're all excellent schools, excellent places to pursue my PhD, and I'm gonna be fine no matter what. I know it's a cliche, but I've experienced it: it's less about where you go and more about what you do while you're there. That is not to undermine the importance of fit, funding, faculty availability, support, placement, and many other factors that will guide your decision, but I feel that there is no single right or wrong decision, one that will grant you a tenure track position or one that will ruin your life. That is, the decision doesn't end the moment you make it; all the stuff you do after will factor into it as well. This realization allows me to stop feeling panicked and paralyzed every time I think about choosing a program, and I hope it'll help you too.

 

About not feeling more excited, I found this thread on the Lit subforum and it is extremely helpful. It's more about the post-decision feelings, but it just goes to say that it's totally normal to not feel over the moon every moment of every day. I think it should be pinned somewhere or reposted each year during this time

 

ETA: About your class, I don't have a lot of experiences but it seems the posters above made some very good point. Contact the DGSs if you want to find out, but don't worry too much. Good luck!

Edited March 3, 2014 by VioletAyame