Is this for me?

[Jolcia17]

So I started grad school this spring of 2014...working on my msw. However I don't even know if social work is for me. I fear it. I question it. I question myself. I hate all these feelings. I am so afraid of the internship. I do have social anxiety which I'm working on and can't say if all these feelings are because of anxiety or not. I don't know what to do or where to turn to. I wish I can say that I will be good at it but I donf know if I will be. What is wrong with me? I need some friends. Someone please give me some advice.

[asd2t]

What is it about your internship that scares you?

[ediblestranger]

Hey Jolcia, I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you've been having.

Maybe, as a sort of thought experiment, you could consider where you would otherwise be if not enrolled in this program. Would your life seem better or worse? You may also consider the line of reasoning that led you to be enrolled in your program to begin with. Applying to grad school takes a lot of work, so obviously, it didn't happen by accident; it was deliberate. And if you had good reasons for pursuing it to begin with, then perhaps your doubts stem from somewhere else. Social anxiety, trying to straddle two different cultures, whatever it may be... is it self-defeating doubt that you should work to push past, or is it a deep-seated, irreconcilable conflict with the fundamentals of the discipline? That seems like it would be the most important question to ask.

[Jolcia17]

What scares me about the internship? Well like I said I have anxiety and I hate being put on the spot and I guess doing the whole counseling part is what scares me.

Thank you ediblestranger for your kind words. Honestly getting into grad school wasn't tough for me, I'll say it was an easy process. I guess if I wasn't in grad school I'll be working somewhere. Would it be better or worse I'm not sure. As I was doing my undergrad I never planned on grad school. Always said I'll find a job. And here I am in school again. Which I don't mind being in school at all, I just don't want to do something and regret it or hate it.

[Adri0507]

Can I ask what led you to pursue social work? Do you genuinely enjoy the profession and feel like you possess skills to be good at it if it wasn't for your anxiety? 

 

As someone who has had to work through anxiety in the past, you're most likely afraid of the internship and perceive yourself to not be good because of the anxiety you get. Your anxiety might come out during your internship and affects the work you're doing, which enables you to confirm to yourself that you're not good, which just continues the cycle. What you need to do is find a way to work past the anxiety to see if social work really is the profession for you. In my opinion, until you do work past it, you may not be able to see things clearly and really assess where your interests lie.

 

Social anxiety has to do with having irrational, over-exaggerated fears so I would perceive an issue to be bigger and scarier than it actually was and talking to a therapist helped me come up with coping strategies that I still use to this day to stop me in my tracks when I catch myself thinking that way.

 

If you need someone to talk with, please feel free to message me. I am all ears. 

[asd2t]

I counseled opiate dependent people before I began applying to MSWs, but I was a bus driver with a degree in History before that and had absolutely no experience in social work. I have always had mild social anxiety, but I also have a rather weak constitution and usually did't tell people (especially co-workers) how uncomfortable I may feel in most counseling situations. In the beginning, it  was very scary and I was just freaking awful at the counseling part of my job. After a while, I was turned on to the techniques of motivational interviewing and reflective listening (look 'em up). This really took the pressure off me and placed the onus on my client to, more or less, reach their own conclusions by pitching their thoughts and concerns against me, and I would simply pitch it back with a twist of cognitive dissonance, affirmation, or understanding.  

 

Counselors aren't expected to give advice, but simply be present and give people a chance to work things out in a safe space with a compassionate person. Increasing confidence helps, but this is a hard process that only comes through trial and error and is pretty painful. However, the fruits of experience are very rewarding.

 

Embrace your training, gather advice from those with more experience, and accept that you're going to suck in the beginning of everything you try, knowing that you have the intelligence (as evidenced by you being in grad school. 'tis no fluke) and the knowledge to eventually become a competent social worker,

 

Most of my friends have anxiety and I worked with a lot of clients with it, too. Like the above poster stated, it becomes a self perpetuating thing unless you seek counseling, learn skills to cope with your anxiety, or accept that you're human and work environments put us all on the spot, which is part of being in the world, I guess. 

 

Next time you feel anxious and are removed from the social situation, look back, step outside of yourself, and ask "what in that moment made Jolcia17 uncomfortable? Why was she upset by this? What does this say about her? (beyond that she has social anxiety because she already knows that) How can she hope to have a different outcome in the future? What needs to happen for that to be a reality" 

 

Peace

Edited March 6, 2014 by asd2t

[Jolcia17]

I just want to say thank you everyone for your time to write back and really for a lot of the encouraging words. It feels good to read this to myself. Ok so to answer some questions...

What led me to pursue social work? I did my undergrad in psychology, always enjoyed working with people and always wanted to help people. I also always wanted to work with children, foster care type of setting, but unfortunately that is a "dream" of mine I will never be able to do. Much more to this story but it can be linked with how my anxiety started and the reasons why I'm afraid to go and do other things since I know it won't be a field involving children. Hope all that makes sense.

I do think I have skills for it, I'm an amazing listener, I always want to help. However I'm not sure I'm a good communicator. Again could be the anxiety, I just hate to talk and don't feel comfortable talking. So that's my weakness I think :/ and that's the part that scares me. I can be all ears but not sure I'll be as good replying back.

I am currently working on the anxiety. I have seen therapists and currently trying to find a good fit for me. I also am taking Xanax which sort of helps but I'm not one to turn to medicine so really don't want to depend on that.

Honestly no one really knows about my anxiety, maybe one friend. The nationality I am and where I come from I don't think people or my family take it as a serious thing and it sucks because it is serious and it's really ruining a lot of things for me.

I guess from seeing three different therapists I feel like they always talk to me and know what to say and I always question myself if I will be able to be like that. I know that with experience it will get better but I'm not there yet and the beginning is doing an internship which I'm looking to start in fall and I'm just freaking out about it and have days where I want to quit. I'm such a mess I know!

Edited March 6, 2014 by Jolcia17

[SFGiantsFan]

As an addiction counselor myself, I 100% agree with everything that asd2t stated... Spot on.  

 

Working in a field where people rely on what you say is terrifying at first, but it does get better. Just like everything, it takes time... Time to find your flow and your counseling style.  Time to really feel comfortable with your clients.  But it will happen.  Don't give up!

 

[Jolcia17]

Thank you! I guess I've never had that experience, So for those of you who have done internships, how do you deal with group counseling when you know the evaluator will be there observing you and grading you? I think that part freaks me out

[jillchristine]

Thank you! I guess I've never had that experience, So for those of you who have done internships, how do you deal with group counseling when you know the evaluator will be there observing you and grading you? I think that part freaks me out

 

I don't have experience with this through an internship but I did own my own non-profit organization, in which I facilitated support groups for those suffering with Bipolar/ Depression. Once I gave away my company, I came to observe the group with a new facilitator (the new owner) and realized he was extremely nervous by my presence. Of course this is a different situation, but just keep in mind that all of your observers had to start somewhere too! They got nervous when their supervisors observed them years ago, so it's just a building block towards your career. When you're in this situation, just focus on your clients and if you need to, see your observer as a client as well. I think the most important thing to remember is that your client is in a much worse place and you need to focus on their emotions, instead of your own. Practice makes perfect! Just remember everyone has to go through it at one point or another! 

[Jolcia17]

Ugh easier said than done! Thank you though. I got a couple more months to go till I start the internship but it sucks that it worries me already.