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You know you're at a dive bar when...


Guest Gnome Chomsky
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Guest Gnome Chomsky

the bartender has to Google everything you order.

the youngest girl there is older than your mom.

there's a pool table and no pool sticks.

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…The guy next to you is dribbling gamey stew in his beard.

 

This makes 100% of the drinking establishments my S.O. has eaten food in a dive bar, if we're counting his post-beard mustache days. To be fair, we're not classy people.. but I had a good chuckle. ^_^

 

Also:

...when getting in a fight doesn't immediately get you 86'd.

...you walk out smelling of musky cologne or other patrons' cigarettes, despite having walked in unscented.

..."brain & eggs" is not only an item on the menu, but one of the most popular.

...there are no actual lamps on after 9:00 pm, just neon signs & backlit advertisements.

...the bathrooms have "grow-up quarter machines" with condoms, lubricant, perfume, & flavored breath drops.

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This makes 100% of the drinking establishments my S.O. has eaten food in a dive bar, if we're counting his post-beard mustache days. To be fair, we're not classy people.. but I had a good chuckle. ^_^

 

Also:

...when getting in a fight doesn't immediately get you 86'd.

...you walk out smelling of musky cologne or other patrons' cigarettes, despite having walked in unscented.

..."brain & eggs" is not only an item on the menu, but one of the most popular.

...there are no actual lamps on after 9:00 pm, just neon signs & backlit advertisements.

...the bathrooms have "grow-up quarter machines" with condoms, lubricant, perfume, & flavored breath drops.

 

I guess "dribbling" is too polite of a way to word drunkenly spilling great gobs of stew into a beard with each heaping spoonful. I've only ever witnessed this once, but my oh my it was memorable.

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I guess "dribbling" is too polite of a way to word drunkenly spilling great gobs of stew into a beard with each heaping spoonful. I've only ever witnessed this once, but my oh my it was memorable.

 

When it's warm out, keep an eye open for beardy dudes eating ice cream, especially soft serve. It's a field day of dribbles & hilarity! We were finding rainbow sprinkles in my S.O.'s beard the rest of the day.. :D

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