Paralysis in Graduate Seminar Class

[determined13]

Hi,

 

Am having a problem that concerns me a lot and thought someone might have some advice.  I am taking a phD sociology seminar class at a very elite school.   I tried very hard for months to get into the class.  Have enormous respect for  the professor and the readings are fantastic.  The topic however is very concrete in my personal background, having to do with imprisonment which I have experienced. To my surprise I simply cannot speak in the class. While I am super-engaged and riveted by the discussion, I seem to have a paralyzing fear of speaking and get completely choked up when I try.  So instead I stay quiet. I do try and make it a goal every single class to getover this and contribute, but as much as I struggle to try, over six class sessions I have only been able to utter something once.

 

I don't know whether to approach the professor, who is quite high-ranking and very well-known to apologize and/or attempt to explain my silence.  Should I?

 

I should add the course is not at my own school, but at another local (consortium) school. So I don't know the culture well in terms of these issues, and do not feel comfortable asking advice from my classmates, whom I barely know.

 

Any advice about whether to approach the professor would be very appreciated. Thanks.

[Geologizer]

No, I don't think trying to talk to the professor is a good idea. If your reason for not speaking up is incomprehensible to you, then the odds of putting something articulate together while face to face with this professor that you seem starstruck by seems pretty slim.

My advice would be to just speak up.

I know, easier said than done. But really, the only way to conquer whatever social anxiety that's rendering you mute is to practice. Start off small, and don't let yourself take steps backward. It sounds like you don't normally have this issue being that your anxiety took you by surprise. So what's different about this class (literally ask yourself this)? It sounds like you're really caught up in putting this course, professor, and school on a pedestal, and perhaps suffering some sort of imposter syndrome. Or, perhaps anxious about revealing too much about yourself to this group of strangers. Perhaps a bit of both; perhaps neither. But in any case, ask yourself what the issue is, and challenge that issue. Is it something big enough where you should let it cripple you in this class that you really enjoy? If not, practice, and conquer it. One step at a time.

[determined13]

Thanks Geologizer.  I think some of your advice applies and is good.  Some of your charactarizations are not.  As I mentioned, the reason I cannot speak up is trauma related to imprisonment which the course is about. So I can articulate that to the professor. Secondly, I am not "star-struck" rather I have a very strong interest in the subject matter and it took a lot to get into the class. Your final words, are helpful. Although I have really practiced and tried hard and it conitnues to be extremly difficult. Thus the point is right now do I tell the prof. or not.  Thanks again for taking the time to answer.

[threading_the_neidl]

This is clearly more than just normal shyness or imposter syndrome. I'd highly recommend trying out therapists in your area who can work with you on handling this. Many grad programs cover at least some psych stuff, so take a look at your health care plan and get a session scheduled asap. At a guess, this will take a long time, and you'll be done with the class by then, so I'd work on speaking up anytime you can, maybe when different or tangential topics are being discussed, to show that you're actively engaged. Talking to a professor can be a crapshoot, and sometimes even faculty that I really like and admire won't find it unethical to tell everyone else something that is told to them in confidence. It's up to you if you want to speak with them, but I'd personally err on the side of caution with them.

 

The other thing that might help out is Toastmasters. Again, this is more of a point issue for speaking with you, but perhaps you'll find that practicing speaking in general will help. The first meeting you attend is free, so you can check it out and decide if it's useful with no obligation. Good luck!

Edited March 28, 2014 by threading_the_neidl

[determined13]

Thanks so much, threading_the_neidl.  Really appreciate it.  I am pursuing therapy already and that is helping, but as you say takes time.  I will aim harder to speak up. Toastmasters is also a good idea.

 

Good advice about telling the professor. Outside of academia, I would normally tell my supervisor such a thing if it was affecting my work, as  It seems professional, natural and right for me to apologize for not constributing more.  But that's the non-academic in me speaking. Clearly there are other considerations in academia,  and other things at play   Am wondering if besides confidentiality, there are any other  downsides to revealing this to a professor. 

 

Thank you again.

[Geologizer]

I'm still struggling with the effect your talking to this professor is supposed to have. What is your goal in doing so?

[fuzzylogician]

You should have some impression of the professor by now -- do you think he'll be open to your experience? Do you think he'll be supportive and find a way to help you get over the paralysis? Do you think there is a chance that he will betray your confidence and share your private information? Conversely, how comfortable to you feel sharing your story with the professor? I can imagine changing my opinion if a student who is not participating because of unusual circumstances, but that means the student needs to explain the problem. Can you do that? If you do, what do you expect to happen? Are you just trying to explain the situation or seek help? I'd try to at least think about what form of help you could ask for. Here is one possibility -- since you have a strong interest in the subject matter, maybe you could talk about that in a one-on-one meeting? Show that you know the material and care about it; see about doing a serious project (paper? presentation?) for this class that would impress the professor and other participants. If this is something that you would like to pursue in your future research, talk about how it ties in with your interests and what you're doing now, and ask about how you could integrate this subject in your research. I think one important reason to talk to this professor is if you hope to work with him in the future on any project/paper. You don't want to leave a bad impression that could hurt you later.  On the other hand, if this is not something that you're going to pursue in the future and this person is not someone you want to work with, or if you fear that talking to him could have negative consequences, it may be best to just let this one be even if it means you'll have a less than perfect grade. 

[determined13]

Thanks geologizer and fuzzy logician.

 

Want to clarify I  definitely am not seeking help from him in any form  on this issue.  I don't feel that's inapproriate in this case  and as mentioned have and am getting help through health/professional means.  

 

I do hope to work with this professor in the future academically, and leave an excellent impression on him as he is prominent and does great work in my field of interest. He has given me excellent marks on my written work in the class. But I have gotten the distinct impression that he wants me to speak up more and contribute. So  a good impression is very important to me professionally, moving forward, and that's the primary reason I am considering communicating with him about it.

 

 Secondly,  as I mentioned, it's engrained in me from the  work world that it's critical to have proactive accountability when performance is not up to par in some way.  Again, that's just from my work worl/professional background, not academic.  Maybe that's misplaced in academia, but it's a secondary reason for me. I'm going to weigh all of this, pros and cons, this weekend.

 

fuzzylogician, many thanks for your insightful comments.   I really appreciate your feedback, more than you can know.  It's been very difficult to  fuss out how to seek similar advice directly within academia about such issues so I am very grateful for the existence of this board and the opportunity to tap your wisdom. THank you all -geologician, threading the niedl, and fuzzy logician -and have a great weekend.

[RomulusAugustulus]

If you think the professor wants you to speak up more, and you feel unable to, my advice would be to meet with the professor, but meet with him about something else. Find some topic you want to discuss with him (a class discussion you wanted to talk over in more detail, an upcoming paper/project/conference, anything). Meet with him about that, and if he mentions your class participation then (if you feel comfortable discussing it with him) explain why it is difficult for you. The benefit to doing it this way, rather than meeting with him specifically to disclose your situation, is it may feel less like a personal confession (to both him and you). The other benefit to meeting with him about something else is it will show your interest in and knowledge of the topic, without having to reveal too much in front of your classmates. It may make it so he doesn't even mention your silence in class, because clearly you are engaged and motivated. Or he might say something like: "these are great comments, you should bring them up in class!" and maybe that will help you feel more comfortable/able to speak up? Obviously a lot depends on the professor, and your own feelings about whether to discuss your life with him. Best of luck with the situation, however you handle it!

[hashslinger]

Different fields might be different about this, but in my field, it's *essential* to speak up in seminar. If you go all semester without saying anything, the professor assumes that you didn't do the work.

 

I think you should talk to the professor about this, but present it not as an apology or explanation for not speaking up in class but as an issue you're working through. Make clear that you know it is *your* issue and that you're aware of its consequences, and that you aren't trying to get an exemption from speaking in class. You're just working on it.

 

I also had a difficult time speaking up in seminar, especially when other people seemed to dominate the discussion and I didn't want to talk about what they were talking about, but I didn't want to derail, either. I found that a few tactics help me deal with it, namely writing down a few questions or observations before I went to class. Then, if there was a lull in the class, I would jump in with my question. Or sometimes I would ask my question at the very beginning of class before anyone else had a chance to go on their lengthy theory binge. Speaking up really early helped to "take the edge off" a bit--I didn't have to sit there and wait for a chance to jump in and get all nervous about it.

 

Is there a way you could try to start off class discussion with a question that's non-triggering for you?

[ExponentialDecay]

If not, practice, and conquer it. One step at a time.

 

You know, if you were happy, you wouldn't have depression... Such empathy. Much knowledge of what they are talking about. So Geologizer.

 

Sorry for trolling, y'all. Carry on.

[danieleWrites]

It is a seminar class and seminar classes are generally discussion based. You would also like to work with this professor again in the future. This tells me that it would likely be in your interests to speak with the professor. That's where things get iffy because this is about something very private for you, something that is traumatic due to discussion content, rather than stress, shyness, fear of public speaking, and so on.

 

I would recommend that you speak with the professor about this issue because you do want to make a good impression and your silence must frustrate him. Since you are getting help for your issue, I'd recommend that you dedicate part or all of one of your sessions to resolving this problem. Discuss how much information the professor needs to have and how that information should be delivered. Everyone has a different comfort level with revealing information about their private lives. Roleplay the conversation, particularly ways of re-directing the conversation should the professor ask questions that lead you to uncomfortable territory. Mental health is HIPPA-related. For example, you can drop by office hours about five minutes before they're over and say hi, just wanted to to let you know that I'm not usually so quiet in class discussion. I've had some traumatic experiences and the content of the course strikes pretty close to home. I'm dealing with the course's content just fine, but, for some reason, I've found it extremely difficult to speak up, even though I am interested in the discussions and find the class fascinating. I feel like I'm letting the class down by not saying anything, but I am trying to be a receptive listener. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I am doing the work and that I am participating as much as I can.

[Roquentin]

I was a rather shy, quiet student while completing my bachelor's degree, and transitioning into graduate seminars was difficult. My strategy was to try to say at least one thing every seminar. That didn't always happen, but over time I became more confident and articulate. Speaking at conferences and teaching also helped.

 

OP, I'm sure that your contributions will be welcomed by others in your seminars, who will recognize the value of what you have to say.

 

Best of luck to you!

[gubidal092]

I would consider writing the professor an email explaining your interest in and appreciation for the course; be specific and reference class discussion where relevant. Explain that you seem to be having "stage fright" but are eager to talk about the course. Most professors are very understanding about how different students participate in different ways. Remember, you're in grad school and you have to be your own advocate now. The squeaky wheel gets the grease! 

 

I would also consider finding a professional to talk to about your "paralysis" in class, whether its a university councilor, or someone who teaches public speaking. If there is a participation element to the course (as in, you are being poorly graded for not speaking), ask the professor if there is a way you can make up the participation aspect, perhaps through email or blackboard if your school uses it. Perhaps you could write an extra paper for the class? 

 

You might even want to ask about maybe doing a small talk during class; give a brief lecture over the course/your relevant experiences; you might find talking to the class easier than trying to add to a preexisting discussion, since you can rehearse and script yourself as much as you like. (This may also be even more terrifying to you, but sometimes these anxieties can work in interesting ways.)