First semester, want to quit?

[Grad25]

Just need to vent here, and maybe get some advice/thoughts from people who have been in this position, and what you did about it.

Last year I applied to the mental health counseling program at my undergrad institution, where typically you can go straight from the undergrad into the masters program.  Unfortunately, between bad timing and not the greatest interview, I was denied admission. Being denied admission was disheartening, especially since I had done undergrad work in that same program, so of course it was easy to take it personally.  I ended up staying around another semester, switching to a different track for my undergrad degree.

After I was denied admission, I was fortunate enough to have a professor offer to mentor me.  This professor offered to help me with furthering education and career opportunities.  The professor even mentioned the possibility of me helping with research. Unfortunately this did not pan out.  Since the mentorship began, we have only met a couple of times and I have received no response to my inquiries about participating in research.

In the midst of all this, I reapplied to the same grad program, but under a different track.  I really enjoy working with children and I could see school counseling being a better fit for my personality and skills.  I was accepted this time around which was exciting.

However, ever since I began my coursework (I am 7 weeks in) I have wondered if I am following the right track and being true to myself.  I don't have any experience in a school system, so until I begin my internship, I won't know if it's something I am really going to enjoy.  I also feel very alone and unsupported in my program.  The strained relationship with my "mentor" has really been hard on me. I have asked the prof about helping with research, which I thought would be a great opportunity to build my resume, but haven’t received a response.  But it’s not just this prof.  I e-mailed the head of the department more than once asking if we could set up a meeting to discuss the option of pursuing the a dual degree so I can be licensed as a mental health counselor, along with school counseling. Now I understand that it's summer and the prof is busy, but the prof could at least respond saying "let's talk about this in the fall" or something like that. 

Anyway, right now I am really hating my program.  I had a paper due last recently and I couldn't even get it written.  Fortunately I have done well on everything else so far in the class, but if I don't get at least some points for this paper I am going to really hurt my grade (our grading scale is really high, we can't miss many points and still get an "A").  I am under so much stress.  I feel like I can't enjoy life or take time to take care of myself properly anymore.  I have issues with anxiety, which are playing into this, but I have begun seeing a counselor again so I'm doing what I need to do there.  I just feel defeated, and I've barely even started.  Maybe getting a masters degree isn't for me?  I always thought it was.  I even want (wanted?) to get a PhD.

Edited July 30, 2014 by Eigen

[rising_star]

Have you thought about taking a leave of absence? I'm wondering if maybe it's been too much going straight from undergrad to master's and working with professors who previously denied you admission... If you're really questioning whether school counseling is the right fit, can you do something like an informational interview or two with some current school counselors? There's lots of advice out there about what to ask in such interviews and doing them will give you a much better idea about what the day-to-day life in the profession is like. Your program should be able to put you in touch with recent alums but, if not, you could try going through the careers center or LinkedIn too. If you opt to do the leave of absence, you might be able to volunteer in schools or join Americorps to get additional experience in schools...

 

As for the MFT, did you ever ask anyone formally or informally if they could explain why you weren't accepted or what you'd need to improve upon to get in? If you're having second thoughts, maybe you could also do some informational interviews with people with that degree.

 

You need to find a new mentor, imo. If yours isn't helping you build your career, then they aren't really helping you. You may do better to find a mentor who works in the field you're interested in but isn't an academic. Just something to consider. That said, some of it may be because research isn't expected or all that common in professionally-oriented master's programs, which yours is. Your "mentor" might be concerned that taking on research in addition to full-time coursework and whatever internships or practicums are required may be more than one can feasibly do. Perhaps you could talk with them after or before class, even if it's briefly, to ask about the research. It's much harder to ignore someone asking you in person than it is when someone asks via email.

 

Good luck!

[Grad25]

Thanks for your response!  I am not sure how to go about taking a leave of absence, but I will look into it.  That might be something to think about for this fall, and I was already looking into getting an off-campus job anyway (having solid income not associated with the school would help make the transition smoother).  

 

If I do get an off-campus job, maybe I can try to work in a school system.  I do think that going straight into a program where I was previously denied has been harder than I thought it would be.  It leaves a lot of questions in my mind and probably plays into me feeling "unsupported" as well.  I did try to find out a little bit about why I wasn't accepted the first time around, but they were not open to talking about it. I even asked my "mentor" and she said she couldn't talk about it... I think my anxious personality plays into it some, but the thing about the counseling field is no one is ever going to be "perfect"....maybe others just hide their issues better than I do...

Good advice about talking to some school counselors about their jobs, I have talked to a few, but it seems to be different depending upon the age group and school system you are working with.

 

And I agree with you on the mentorship thing.  I need to find someone else.  It's just annoying to be let down by someone who you thought was on your side.  It would have been really good to have a mentor in academics I think, but I can't force the relationship to work.

Thanks again for taking the time to reply! 

[Eigen]

From what you describe of your mentor, I wouldn't say they let you down, or were not on your side. 

 

I would say you may have had too high of hopes. 

 

The only thing it seems like they haven't come through with is research experience, which while related is separate from them being a mentor. It seems to me your entire focus on her "lack" as a mentor is in relation to not getting you research experience.

 

You say she responds to your e-mails (that aren't about helping her with research) and that she's met with you a couple of times in person. What exactly do you want her to be doing that she is not?

 

Defining what you want in a mentor that you are not currently getting is the best place to start in looking for a new one. 

[Grad25]

Hmm...thanks for the thoughts.  I agree, my expectations have been too high and I need to adjust them.  Which in and of itself could solve the problem potentially.  I guess I see a mentor as someone you meet with on a regular basis...like maybe once a month, I don't know.  But if I don't express those expectations, then that's my problem, not hers.

 

And yes, I guess I equated the two--research experience and mentorship, which are separate.  I guess i saw that as a piece of the mentorship, when it wasn't even a definite thing. 

Edited July 28, 2014 by lovelygrad16