Anyone having second thoughts?

[Guest rethinking grad school]

So I applied to grad school while I was finishing up undergrad not really planning to get in anywhere, because my GPA was underwhelming. I didn't apply to any safety schools because I figured that it would almost be nice to get rejected everywhere and be forced to take a year off. Well, I ended up getting into the top program in my field. At first I was incredibly excited, but in the past few months I've been having serious doubts about whether academia is right for me, given the other things I want out of life, such as financial stability and a fulfilling personal life ( going to grad school next year means, among other things, living ten hours away from my fiance who will also be beginning a doctoral program). I'm not sure that I'm in any position to determine whether getting my Phd is worth 5 years of my life, having never taken a break from school. I'm really burnt out, and I can't imagine feeling any better in 4 months. Also, Unless my fiance manages to transfer to my university, going this year might mean consigning myself to personal unhappiness for 5 years. At the same time, it would feel really stupid to turn down such a wonderful program, since I truely feel that it is the best program for what I want to study in the US. I'm also afraid that it would offend the people who wrote my letters of recommendation, since they did so much to get me admitted in the first place. The thought of going through the application process all over again also terrifies me, because while I got into all of my reach schools (thought rejected from my safeties), I can't help feeling that I was admitted as a fluke.

Is anyone else having second thoughts? Has anyone else turned down a high profile program for an uncertain future?

[Somedfjd]

I feel the same as you. I finished my Undergrad a year ago, in the last year I preferred to work in a science museum than looking for a real job, I just needed to feel that I have a lot of free time to do what ever I feel like.

I have been admitted to a great university that I really would like to admit, but I can not stop thinking that I was admitted as a fluke. I really do not know If I want to have the Phd, the only think that I am sure about is that I would like it to be a good experience.

I really hope that they will not "kick me out" after a year

[Guest Guest47]

rethinking, no offense, but you must be really rich if you spent hundreds of dollars (i'm assuming) to apply to grad schools hoping to get rejected...?

anyway, that's a hard decision that you'll really have to search deep down to reach. and you really should decide soon so good luck.

[Guest rethinking]

Not rich at all. In fact I'm a lower income first generation college student. I only applied to four schools, took the GRE once and studied on my own. It cost about $400 total. I figured if I got into any of them, I would be thrilled to go.

[DespSeekPhd]

Why don't you see if you can defer for a year? Go do tons of stuff, have great experiences, and you'll still be able to come back after a year to do the PhD if that's still what you want to do.

Just don't tell them that you're deferring because you don't know if you want grad school Financial reasons/work related issues/research and international opportunities are all good excuses.

[History_Nerd]

I think what you are going through is a natural feeling. In my experience, anytime somebody is about to go through a big life change they get cold feet. Weddings, moving to take a new job, starting grad school. It is all basically the same.

Are you allowed to defer your admission at your school of choice? Some programs will let you, some won't.

I took about a year off and am happy I did, but I have to be honest, at some points when I was working the whole 9-5 thing, I was kind of like, what am I doing here - I know I want to be a professor, and this really isn't helping me move forward much.

At the end of the day though, I am really excited to start school and am pretty positive I made the right decision.

[Guest Guest47]

Not rich at all. In fact I'm a lower income first generation college student. I only applied to four schools, took the GRE once and studied on my own. It cost about $400 total. I figured if I got into any of them, I would be thrilled to go.

my apologies! and good luck

[Guest Squirrely]

A lot of people seem to have that "I only got in because of fluke" thing. And truthfully, the whole grad school application system seems pretty fluky to me. BUT, not fluky enough that you would get accepted over 50 other presumably highly qualified applicants. I think they call this the imposter complex---when you think that your success has been due to chance draws and that when people really get to know you they will discover that you're not spectacular as you seem. Even tenured professors have that fear of being "found out."

Maybe having the summer off will help you clear your mind and determine what is right for you at this point in your life. You can always defer, like others have noted. Or, you could give it a whirl for the first semester and then decide if you want to devote 4 or 5 more years to it. There is nothing unadmirable about trying and then deciding it is not for you---how else are you supposed to know unless you have experienced it?

Good luck!!

[Guest Guest]

It is a bit selfish you to apply somewhere, get in, then decide to postpone or not go at all when there are many applicants, just as good, who are taken off the waitlists right now because you took the spot. It is also impolite to the school who accepted you in good faith and is investing a considerable amount in you. They might not easily get another student instead of you now, after sending them rejections, and the spot may be lost for the year. Some student somewhere might not be going to grad school at all because of this. (Check out some other threads to get some perspective on this.)

If you were unsure about grad school, you should not have applied, or should have at least questioned your motives when accepting their offer. Afterall, they give enough time to consider. You should tell your school soon, whatever your choice is, so that they can still get some things fixed. Think of the impression you'll leave if you tell them now you cannot go this year. I'd be surprised if they allow you to defer the offer or accept you another year, unless you clearly were a top candidate.

(Before the bashing begins, I am not bitter toward the poster, as I myself got into my top choices. However, I find it appalling that some people don't think of consequences of their choices.)

[Guest Guest]

To add to the above:

Think also of the reputation of the professors that wrote you the references. Will they be as credible now in that school if you decide to reject the offer after accepting it? Another student with their references appkying to this school have his/her chances hurt becuase of the impression you left behind. The professors will be in this bussiness long after you've left.

[Somedfjd]

There is nothing wrong in declining the offer in one semaster, it will give you a plenty of time to think about what your really prefer.

[Guest Guest]

There is nothing wrong in declining the offer in one semaster, it will give you a plenty of time to think about what your really prefer.

Really?! There IS something very wrong about declining an offer once you have accepted it. It shows you are not sure about what you want and also have no consideration whatsoever for the school or the other students. Frankly, it shows lack of integrity, and that's hardly a desirable trait in academia or elsewhere.

Would you want the school that you accepted to go back on its promise and retract the offer, once you have already declined all the other offers you might have had?!

[Somedfjd]

I decline an offer after that I accepted because I get a better offer that I could not refuse, and I do not think there is anything wrong in doing so. right now there is a happy graduate student somewhere enjoying the late admission offer that he get.

They, the universities, know very good that students usually look for the best financial offer that they may get.

I can not see anything wrong in declining an offer ( and not rejecting it ) for one semester

[Guest Guest47]

i have to agree with Guest here. Accepting an offer from a grad school is like signing a contract. it is not like accepting a job at walmart or whatever. certainly, grad programs understand if you wait until april 15th to decide so you can hold out for a better offer, but if you pull out after you have already accepted, you may get a bad reputation among professors in the field. and I think it's important to build a good reputation from the beginning IF you want to work in a discipline for the rest of your life. Now if you go to a program and absolutely hate it, the grad program would obviously be upset about the waste of resources, but they hopefully wouldn't hate you for it...and then you wouldn't have to worry about having a bad reputation in the field because you wouldn't be in academia anyway.

the happy graduate student you speak of may have already accepted another offer that wasn't as good and therefore be an unhappy graduate student.

I think you, rethinking, should have done all of this questioning before you accepted the offer, but obviously it is too late for that and i know that this is a tough time and a very hard decision to make in a time crunch. but Guest is right that your indecisiveness could cause problems for others.

good luck for the third time!

[Guest rethinking]

I did in fact think this through before I accepted the offer. When I was deciding whether to accept I actually asked the grad director specifically about whether they were going to offer my spot to another person if I chose not to go, and they said that they weren't going to because they had already had one more person accept than they had planned on having attend next year.

Secondly, I think my original post did convey that I felt really bad about having doubts, and I certainly didn't anticipate feeling this way when I applied. The school I accepted at was my dream school, and I figured that if I was lucky enough to get in, I would be thrilled to go. People's minds do change, and I think it is reasonable to have doubts when you're looking at commiting 5 years of your life to something. What I want to avoid doing is going next year and then dropping out after burn out, after taking thier generous financial aid for a year.

It is a bit selfish you to apply somewhere, get in, then decide to postpone or not go at all when there are many applicants, just as good, who are taken off the waitlists right now because you took the spot. It is also impolite to the school who accepted you in good faith and is investing a considerable amount in you. They might not easily get another student instead of you now, after sending them rejections, and the spot may be lost for the year. Some student somewhere might not be going to grad school at all because of this. (Check out some other threads to get some perspective on this.)

If you were unsure about grad school, you should not have applied, or should have at least questioned your motives when accepting their offer. Afterall, they give enough time to consider. You should tell your school soon, whatever your choice is, so that they can still get some things fixed. Think of the impression you'll leave if you tell them now you cannot go this year. I'd be surprised if they allow you to defer the offer or accept you another year, unless you clearly were a top candidate.

(Before the bashing begins, I am not bitter toward the poster, as I myself got into my top choices. However, I find it appalling that some people don't think of consequences of their choices.)

[Guest rethinking]

Didn't I say in my original post that I was worried about this very thing? I think that it would look worse for my recommenders if I dropped out after my first year, after taking advantage of the school's financial aid.

To add to the above:

Think also of the reputation of the professors that wrote you the references. Will they be as credible now in that school if you decide to reject the offer after accepting it? Another student with their references appkying to this school have his/her chances hurt becuase of the impression you left behind. The professors will be in this bussiness long after you've left.

[Guest matilda]

Sometimes if you feel you have an escape, you can settle down and enjoy your success.

[PETRAL6]

I can see both sides. But, what you have to weigh is the chances that deferring will screw you over to the chances starting right away will screw you over. If deferring is allowed and seems like the right choice for you, do it. They obviously accept deferral as an option if they offer it. If they don;t allow it, think very seriosuly about not accepting, because you may make it harder for yourself next time. If you start right away, I think failing or deciding against grad school after a year may cause you more problems if you decide to go back later.

My take... go now. It probably is just wet feet if you went through all you had to do and made it. You are obviously prepared and nervousness is common. Likely, a year off will not help you academics, because it's easy to slack off academically when not in school. But, don't let fear of losing reputation of you advisors stop you if you need time. Failing out=much worse. If you must, tell your advisors thank you, tell them your feelings and let them know how much you appreciate your help. Also write your advisor at your grad school and tell them how much you appreciate their offer and that you feel that a year will make you better able to give your best to their program.

[Guest Guest]

Didn't I say in my original post that I was worried about this very thing? I think that it would look worse for my recommenders if I dropped out after my first year, after taking advantage of the school's financial aid.

Actually, you said you were worried you'd offend your recommenders. It is a different thing from ruining their credibility and ruining their other students' chances.

Many people drop out after the first year, and it is usually for reasons schools can understand. The recommenders would not have much to do with it then, and it will more or less reflect on the student or the program. But declining just days after accepting is just not something many would find honorable, and it does put your recommenders and your current school, in a bad position. The position may be worse if you are from a lower-ranked institution, because top programs probably judge applicants based on what they know about past students from that institution attending/accepted at the top program.

Things may not always be about us, no matter how we may feel that we deserve all the possible time to decide and all our mistakes are forgivable. Our poor choices, indecissions, insecurities and whatsonot could wrong other people.

Again, this is not personal. I do understand your dilemma, as many of us face them. I hope you do the right thing not just for yourself. Good luck!

[PETRAL6]

I think that's a little overdramatic. There is not screwing other people over and there is screwing yourself over because your actions *might* slightly affect maybe one advisors opinion of a school you happened to attend undergrad. With so many apps per year, unlikely they will remember this for very long if it isn't a HUGE problem that relates directly back to your school. If you write a letter to both the school and your recommender saying that you need some time, it should not adversely affect everyone who applies from your school. People do a lot more selfish things when applying to grad school than you all the time (don't believe me, read the forums about all the leveraging and dropping schools when better schools come along and not keeping in contact with the first school). I think that it would have been better to decide before acceptance, but if you are allowed to defer and put it in a positive light (I want to make sure that I will be able to contribute positively to your school, so I would like to take time to better prepare myself for graduate work) this will not make people think "oh... so and so state, well we accepted someone from there who totally rocked, but they needed to prepare and so fuck all those other apps from there" Don't feel guilty. Do what's best for you and do the best you can to put yourself and your school in a positive light after you decide what is best for you. I still think you should go to the school and get over the wet feet, but don't let people make you think that you're screwing over everyone and their sister for taking time if you need it.

[Guest Guest]

I think that's a little overdramatic. ... but don't let people make you think that you're screwing over everyone and their sister for taking time if you need it.

Now youPetral6 are being overdramatic and vulgar. I wonder what you would say if the people s/he was "screwing over" were you and your sister. You'd probably would be out on the street protesting and suing the school.

It'd be too good to have the cake and eat it too.

[Guest rethinking]

I am so confused by where the idea came about that I was trying to screw people over, though your responses do sort of confirm my worst thoughts about the implications of withdrawing at this point.

First off, in my defense, I have begun to talk to the people who wrote my letters of recommendation, and they agree that if I'm not sure academia is right for me, it would be worse to take a school's funding offer and then drop out later, since they're investing what feels like an astronomical amount of money on me. Clearly they're disappointed, since they were my mentors during undergrad and want to see me have a successful career, but I think all one has to do is look at any edition of the Chronicle of Higher Education to get a sense of the number of people unhappy in academia, and the strain that an academic career can put on all aspects of one's personal life. If you talk to professors it seems that all of them have some sort of sob story about the damage academia inflicted on their personal and family life, and thus most tend to me understanding about having doubts about whether academic and personal fulfillment are reconcilable. I still haven't made up my mind as to whether I'm going to act on my doubts or not, but I think its reasonable to not want to sacrafice my happiness for five years, just because it may offend someone if I back out now.

Secondly, given that the school I accepted at didn't have a waitlist, i.e. they made all of thier admissions decisions at the same time, I really wasn't screwing over some other deserving grad student when I accepted their offer of admission. They weren't going to admit anyone else even if I had rejected their offer of admission. Frankly, the easiest thing for me to do would be to go for a year and drop out if I was unhappy, but I just don't feel that it's ethical to have them invest a whole lot of money in me ( somewhere in the neighborhook of 50k per year), if I'm not sure that I'm going to be able to provide them with a return on their investment. The doubts that I'm having are recent by the way, and were not as present before I accepted the offer.

Finally, in my defense, I would like to add how difficult it would have been for me to reject two of the top programs in my field, as a first generation college student. When I told my parents that I had gotten accepted to graduate school, they literally must have told everyone they've ever known, and even 3 months after the fact I still get a few emails a week from distant relatives congratulating me. No one would have understood or supported my decision had I decided to reject both of the schools that I had been accepted to, as for someone coming from a lower income background, the opportunities that I've been presented with in the past few months feel like something out of some sort of fairy tale to my relatives, childhood friends etc.

I'm not saying that this excuses my indecision, but I certainly think that I'm being a little unfairly villanized given that I merely asked in my original post if anybody else was having doubts, which I think was a pretty benign question.

Now youPetral6 are being overdramatic and vulgar. I wonder what you would say if the people s/he was "screwing over" were you and your sister. You'd probably would be out on the street protesting and suing the school.

It'd be too good to have the cake and eat it too.

[PETRAL6]

I am sorry if I offended you with my vulgarity. I was sure you had heard more offensive things in your time on earth, but I guess not. I don't think I was being overdramatic, in fact the opposite. I was tempering the outrageous claims that rethinkings choice to take a year would completely ruin the chances of everyone from the school and besmirch the reputation of his advisors to the whole of academia. Beleive me, there are so many things going into an application process that having one other person from your school politely ask for a year when it is allowed by the school is NOT going to ruin the chnaces for any qualified applicant from that school in the future. If the graduate admissions committee from a higher tier school passed me over despite fit, GRE scores, research experience and the like because someone from my school asked for a year (or god forbid had other offers and turned them down completely... I guess we should all accept at every school) they would have to be crazy. And to make someone feel bad because there may be a tiny little chnace one person on a committee that is that crazy is almost immoral. That guilt trip you laid on rethinking needed to be corrected. This IS NOT going to affect everyone from your school and your advisors adeversely! If it did, there are far more shady reasons people do or do not get into grad school and no one (esp. not me) is going to protest on the street for it because they realize that any one thing like this is not the deciding factor BY FAR.

My point was that this is not "screwing over" anyone, me or my sister. If anyone has to make excuses like this one for why they did not get into a school, they need to stop, breathe, think rationally then and retake the GRE, do more research, and/or rethink their personal statement because it's this stuff that gets you in. Any plusses or minuses due to connection or some random association with school you came from or recommenders will be a really low on the list afterthought if you have all those ducks in a row.

[PETRAL6]

PS- rethinking... it seems like most people on this site support and understand your position and merely encourage you to make sure it isn't wet feet since you have a good thing going. Ignore the posts that make you feel villianized. The majority of people realize that it is important for you to make the right choice for you and that any choice you make will have minimal or no harm on future students and professors who wrote for you if you tactfully ask for a year and leave a good impression on the future advisors. That said... I hope you do make the decision to go to grad school next year and have it be for you... not to appease you family, not to appease your advisors, not to appease your letter writers, and not because you have been lead to beleive that you have ruined the chnaces of people from your undergrad (which you haven't). Take the summer to get used to the fairy tale and accept that you deserve it and that other people realize that you can do it! Good Luck!!!!

[Guest Moussaka]

I'm also having second thoughts: I have been accapted to a top school that is "to die for" and I was really over the moon about it. But slowly I have come to realise that I will be more of an exeptional case, an outsider, being a mother and an international at that. I have always excelled at what I do, a class topper and all, but I am increasingly getting the feeling that I will be judged not for my academic abilities but rather as a woman with kids and this may make my professors have little faith in me. I am so panicky, I thought I had everything well planned but recently I feel like crawling into a corner and well...

I keep telling myself that I can do it but the voices of doubbt keep ringing louder.