Any thoughts on my SOP?

[JessePinkman]

I've redrafted my SOP from last year. However I'm still not happy. I've tailored it according to one of the University I'm applying! Any advice? And please tell me which is the better opening for the SOP!

 

     I have always been gifted with a keen mind and an unquenchable desire to learn. India, being a developing nation, is undergoing major infrastructural developments. Civil Engineering will play a major role in these developments and the most important part of these developments would be management. Proper management is a fundamental need of every project, be it any field. I believe I possess good interpersonal, organizational and problem solving skills and the ability to motivate a team towards a common goal. All these qualities will help me in becoming a good leader and hence I feel specializing in Construction Management would suit me. That is why I have decided to take up Construction Engineering & Management as my graduate field of study. (Opening 1)                                                                                                                  

     The world is witnessing a boom in the reality and construction sector since the beginning of the century. People aspire to reach higher and seek to express themselves and their individuality for the world to see in stone. This has led to the construction of numerous edifices which are iconic and breath-taking. In this land of the Taj Mahal there is an ever increasing need for quality professionals in the construction sector. There is a clear paucity of quality manpower and the sky is the limit for those who will, those who can and those who dare. This is the reason for my seeking admission to the Graduate Program in Civil Engineering with specialization in Construction Engineering & Management from a university in the USA. (Opening 2)

     I hail from a family where the bread winner is a civil engineer. I often accompanied my father to the construction sites he worked on. Watching the frantic activities on site and the buildings rise on bare land gave me a great sense of excitement and curiosity. With the passage of time my fascination for the fantastic metamorphic capability of this discipline of engineering became entrenched. Thus, my life’s goal became defined at an early age. In pursuance of my firm intent, I decided to become a Civil Engineer. I chose the science stream in Junior College in order to pursue my dream. After completing my Junior College, I was able to land a seat in XXX College of Engineering affiliated to the University of Pune, India where I completed my Bachelor’s in Civil Engineering.                                                    

     The Bachelor’s Program in Civil Engineering has helped sharpen the edge of my understanding of complex engineering theories and helped putting the theories into practice. Enthusiasm coupled with my keen interest enabled me to complete my graduation with a grade of ‘First Class with Distinction’. During the sixth semester course in Project Management & Engineering Economics, I learnt the basics of the subject and saw its great possibilities through the glimpses of different aspects of management, such as, Project Planning, Scheduling, Time Planning, Cost Control, Materials Management, etc. It was then that I decided to pursue my Master’s with a specialization in Construction Engineering & Management. In the final year of my Bachelor’s program I chose elective subjects such as ‘Total Quality Management & Management Information Systems’, ‘Systems Approach in Civil Engineering’ and ‘Construction Management’ to gain in-depth knowledge about construction project management. I also attended workshops on Construction Management during the course of my Bachelor’s program. I’ve also completed certified courses in the use of MS Project and Primavera P6.

     In the final year, I worked on a project, 'Evaluation of Municipal Solid Waste Management Practices in Pune City'.  The aim was to study the existing system, which is quite inadequate and suggest ways to improve it. The project was primarily based on finding the per capita generation, type of waste collected, density of garbage, solid waste collection, transportation, treatment and disposal methodology at present adopted in Pune City and suggesting some ways of improving it. I was applauded for the insight and approach to the irksome issue as also for the recommendations to 'sorting' the issue.

     Since graduation, I’ve been working with XXX Construction Co. Pvt. Ltd as a Junior Planning Engineer. I am currently deployed on an industrial project where we are building the XXX Technical Center India. It is a huge project with the building having a built up area of about 7 lakh square feet. My responsibilities include tracking daily progress of the project, preparing Daily, Weekly and Monthly Progress Reports and working out quantities as required. By the time I start my Master’s program I will have a year of experience working in a professional environment.

     Though I lack research experience, I believe XXX University will provide me with good opportunities of research in my interest areas such as Project Controls, Building Information Modelling, Project Information Management, Risk Analysis etc. The work of Prof. XXX with the XXX group and some of the projects pursued by Prof. XXX have impressed me. I’d certainly relish the opportunity to work under such renowned faculty and contribute to the industry.

     I believe now is the right time for me to take up a Master’s program because I’ve acquired all the basic knowledge and I’ve also worked at the professional level. While I can pursue my subjects of interest under able guidance of the distinguished faculty, the opportunity of carrying out research at the xxx Research Center and xxx Institute excite me. These opportunities will play a vital role in developing my abilities and aid me in becoming a sound construction professional. I look forward to doing my Masters at the XXX University to enable me to contribute to efficient management of development of state-of-the-art infrastructure in India and other developing countries.  

Edited October 24, 2014 by JessePinkman

[ImHis]

I like the flow and your writing style. I have some suggestions about this paragraph:

 

Though I lack research experience, I believe XXX University will provide me with good opportunities of research in my interest areas such as Project Controls, Building Information Modelling, Project Information Management, Risk Analysis etc. The work of Prof. XXX with the XXX group and some of the projects pursued by Prof. XXX have impressed me. I’d certainly relish the opportunity to work under such renowned faculty and contribute to the industry.

 

1) I would remove "Though I lack research experience" since you discussed your Evaluation of Municipal Solid Waste Management Practices in Pune City project.

Unless your school requires extensive experience, to me it downplays your qualification. Directly state, "I believe XXX University" instead. It's more resolute and confident.

 

2) Remove etc.

 

3) You might want to elaborate more about what impressed you about these professors' research

 

Good luck!

[JessePinkman]

Hey thanks. Yeah I was thinking about elaborating more! I'll certainly do that. And any advice on which opening should I choose? 1 or 2?

[StenoLubr]

I like the 2nd one more. 1st one sounds somewhat general and trite

[JessePinkman]

thanks..anyone else with any advice?