Moody Advisor

[Joker34]

I've recently passed my Qualifying Exams and am a doctoral candidate at one of the top 3 departments in my field.  My advisor is a difficult person, but we've been getting along alright for the past few years.  Yesterday, however, things really changed.  I am a very quiet person and tend not to participate much in seminars; I listen attentively and make comments when I really want to, but am not a very talkative member of class and never have been (this is something my advisor knows about me).  I am auditing my advisor's seminar this semester, and after class, he pulled me aside and said that I am amazing in every aspect of my work, *except* for discussing/debating my ideas orally and really need to work on this.  I said that I would.  He then said that I am setting a bad example for the other members of class by being a very knowledgable student and not participating in class and am also making the other students nervous by not talking because they feel judged and observed (this was obviously speculation on his part).  At the end of this, he told me not to come to his class anymore.  I told him I would do what he thinks is best and promised to disenroll.  He apologized for coming down hard on me, and I said it was OK, and I just want to improve -- He said he knew I would improve and not to worry.

 

I want to take the constructive parts of what he said and learn from them, but feel horrible about being kicked out of his class.  I have to get his permission to change my schedule and he isn't responding to emails asking his to forward confirmation of my schedule change to the administrator who makes those changes.  He also did not respond to my email after our discussion promising to make the changes he suggested and apologizing for not being more participatory in seminar. 

 

He's known for being moody, mercurial, and difficult, and this might be an example of him overreacting and taking a mood out on me.  I feel awful though.  I'm meeting with him next week and am prepping hard for that meeting so I can impress him, but the awkwardness from our discussion might become an issue and I just simply feel really terrible about what happened.  I feel like I ruined my relationship with my advisor because of my quiet personality... 

 

Any thoughts? 

Edited October 25, 2014 by Joker34

[ZiggyPhil]

I can't imagine you've ruined an advisor relationship by being not talkative enough in class, especially since he's never said anything about this before.  Considering he is known to be moody, I doubt this had that much to do with you, so I'd just go into the meeting as if nothing is wrong. 

[Joker34]

I can't imagine you've ruined an advisor relationship by being not talkative enough in class, especially since he's never said anything about this before.  Considering he is known to be moody, I doubt this had that much to do with you, so I'd just go into the meeting as if nothing is wrong. 

 

Thanks very much.  Definitely feeling awkward about the situation, but I'm just going to go to the next meeting and try to impress him. 

 

I'm definitely feeling a bit negative about the department these days though.  Last semester, I had a fellow student spread rumours about me copying a paper topic from him (*completely* unfounded) and had a lecturer make fun of me in seminar and say I'm autistic, and earlier this semester, another professor berated me for not knowing the answer to some review questions and told me he could fail me in my Qualifying Exams; that last experience just made me study harder and I ended up passing.  Anyway, it hasn't been the best few months and this latest thing with my advisor is making me more unhappy in my program... 

 

In the end, I'm just going to work hard and make the improvements my advisor suggested (and also try not to take what my advisor did personally).  I just want to improve and become a better scholar.

[TMP]

It may be that he was taken by your presentation during your orals and would like to see you speak more and get into the habit.  Consider his feedback as a professionalization advice.

 

If I were you, I would send him an e-mail letting him know that you will show up for the next class and do what he asked to you to do- speak up more.  If he doesn't respond, just go and do it.  If he doesn't say anything, then it's all forgotten on his part.