Is my SOP intro overly personal?

[Isaac32]

So I am in a bit of a bind. I have shown my first SOP draft to six professors and, just my luck, three thought it was great and three thought my intro was overly personal. For the sake of privacy I won't post the actual text of the intro, but will instead describe my general approach to see what you folks think.

In my introduction I essentially explain how my interest in theology originated in my personal faith exploration, which in turn led to familial difficulties and other challenges since this exploration led me to part ways with the faith of my family. Do you think this is too personal?

[xypathos]

If you're applying to an MDiv program, this is fine.

If you're applying to a PhD program, not fine.

MTS would be somewhere in the middle

[HNV721]

I have kind of been concerned about the same thing. Out of my five applications, only two are to divinity schools - Vandy and Harvard. In Harvard's, I hardly mentioned any thing about my faith. I did a bit more in Vanderbilt's. I find it kind of bizarre that mentioning your religious affections in your application to a theology school is some how detrimental. Seems backwards to me. Anyway, after worrying about it, I found a lot of peace in the realization that if a divinity school program cannot handle a brief mention of my love for Jesus, I can safely conclude it is probably not the place for me.

[newenglandshawn]

I have kind of been concerned about the same thing. Out of my five applications, only two are to divinity schools - Vandy and Harvard. In Harvard's, I hardly mentioned any thing about my faith. I did a bit more in Vanderbilt's. I find it kind of bizarre that mentioning your religious affections in your application to a theology school is some how detrimental. Seems backwards to me. Anyway, after worrying about it, I found a lot of peace in the realization that if a divinity school program cannot handle a brief mention of my love for Jesus, I can safely conclude it is probably not the place for me.

Again, are you talking about an M* degree, or a PhD?

[Isaac32]

I've decided just to post the three different intros I have written up. The SOP to which these intros are attached is for an MTS.

1. I first encountered the study of theology through an undergraduate philosophy of religion course, and became further interested in its study through research accompanying my personal faith exploration and conversion to Eastern Orthodoxy. Although such conversions are common in a modern, pluralistic culture, I come from a devout Mormon family, and my conversion resulted in marginalization and damaged relationships. Disappointed friends and relatives blame my interest in theology and religious studies for this injury and their challenges have become the constant companion of otherwise rewarding studies. However, these challenging questions and criticisms have been rewards themselves as they have required me to better express and understand my own beliefs by employing the tools made available by academic theology.

2. While I do not hesitate to proclaim my love for theology and the history of Christianity, they have brought personal challenges. My initial encounter with the disciplines accompanied an arduous faith exploration, which culminated in my entrance into the Greek Orthodox Church. Although religious conversions are common in a modern, pluralistic culture, I come from a devout Mormon family, and conversion meant marginalization and damaged relationships. Thankfully, I am still invited to my mother’s house for Thanksgiving, and my interest in theological studies has only increased as I have struggled to navigate new social realities. Additionally, questions and arguments from friends and family pertaining to my new faith continually move me to better understand my beliefs as I discover answers to their inquiries.

 
3. While I do not hesitate to proclaim my love for theology, the two of us have had a complicated relationship. My initial encounter with its study accompanied an arduous faith exploration, which culminated in my entrance into the Greek Orthodox Church. Although religious conversions are common in a modern, pluralistic culture, I come from a devout Mormon family, and conversion meant marginalization and damaged relationships. Worse still, I made my mother cry. And this all happened, or so say my relatives, because of my love for theology and religious studies. On the bright side, I am still invited to my mother’s house for Thanksgiving, and my interest in the study of theology has only increased.

[Joseph45]

I don't know how the MTS admissions committees at the respective schools that you are applying to will read personal statements. I'm sure that some won't mind your willingness to share your personal experiences. On the other hand, I just think that it's unnecessary. You're applying to MTS programs. You don't need to convince them that you're interested in studying this stuff. Besides, they get it--that's what they do. I just wouldn't put it in. Focus instead on explaining what exactly you're interested in and why that particular school would be the perfect fit for you to pursue your academic interests. --My two cents

[Isaac32]

I don't know how the MTS admissions committees at the respective schools that you are applying to will read personal statements. I'm sure that some won't mind your willingness to share your personal experiences. On the other hand, I just think that it's unnecessary. You're applying to MTS programs. You don't need to convince them that you're interested in studying this stuff. Besides, they get it--that's what they do. I just wouldn't put it in. Focus instead on explaining what exactly you're interested in and why that particular school would be the perfect fit for you to pursue your academic interests. --My two cents

Thanks for the input. I suppose I should have mentioned that the MTS program I wrote this statement for specifically said "tell us how you became interested in the study of theology"

[Joseph45]

Thanks for the input. I suppose I should have mentioned that the MTS program I wrote this statement for specifically said "tell us how you became interested in the study of theology"

Again, I certainly do not know what these different admissions committees are thinking (and, for what's it's worth, I'm at a PhD program that doesn't do theology at all or have any masters students, although I did get my MTS from one of the places you mentioned).

 

That said, I personally would still advise you to talk about what books, authors, classes, or maybe even intellectual problems got you interested in the study of theology. For example, talk about how this author or this class really excited your intellectual curiosity in a way that you didn't even know was possible, and you realized how important the study of theology can be, especially against the cacophony of popular notions about X topic. It's pressing to study it, and that class/book, first made you see that. Since then, you've expanded your interest in these problems are are excited about the possibility of studying at X school because it seems like the natural next step in your intellectual development. It'll be the perfect place to  . . . .

 

Like I said, that's my advice. I'm sure that those committees do take at least some students who include descriptions of their personal faith development, but I just don't think it's necessary (and most theology isn't really about that anyway).

[mdiv2014]

i don't read sop's but can tell you specific, heart-clutching and true anecdotes/or shorter specific points in your life that showed a decision point is what makes the adcom pause, raise their eyebrows and go hhhhhmmm. in other words, this is what distinguishes you from the pack in a VERY good way

i normally don't read sop's but having looked at your ideas for first paragraph - they all suck, are boring, and are no different from the pack

and do you realize in one of your paragraphs you trashed Mormonism? personally, i would have stopped right there and canned you

seriously

everyone at hds for example has a personal narrative and has had struggles, but no one trashes another religion

that aside, paint the picture of your dysfunctional family - what decisions did you make and why?

for mts and mdiv, be personal, but don't just repackage your resume/transcript, tell them about your struggles and decisions

your transcript and lor's will flush out the academic strengths you have, get personal in the sop - but well crafted

Edited November 19, 2014 by mdiv2014

[Isaac32]

i don't read sop's but can tell you specific, heart-clutching and true anecdotes/or shorter specific points in your life that showed a decision point is what makes the adcom pause, raise their eyebrows and go hhhhhmmm. in other words, this is what distinguishes you from the pack in a VERY good way

i normally don't read sop's but having looked at your ideas for first paragraph - they all suck, are boring, and are no different from the pack

and do you realize in one of your paragraphs you trashed Mormonism? personally, i would have stopped right there and canned you

seriously

everyone at hds for example has a personal narrative and has had struggles, but no one trashes another religion

that aside, paint the picture of your dysfunctional family - what decisions did you make and why?

for mts and mdiv, be personal, but don't just repackage your resume/transcript, tell them about your struggles and decisions

your transcript and lor's will flush out the academic strengths you have, get personal in the sop - but well crafted

I thank you for your blunt advice, really. If you don't mind, would you indicate where I trash Mormonism? It was not my intent to do so.

[Joseph45]

" can tell you specific, heart-clutching and true anecdotes/or shorter specific points in your life that showed a decision point is what makes the adcom pause, raise their eyebrows and go hhhhhmmm. in other words, this is what distinguishes you from the pack in a VERY good way"

 

I call BS. "heart-clutching" anecdotes are actually quite cliche--and most academics, even at divinity schools, are much more interested in rigorous thinking that personal sob stories.

[Isaac32]

I thank you for your blunt advice, really. If you don't mind, would you indicate where I trash Mormonism? It was not my intent to do so.

Does anyone else think my intros are offensive towards the Mormon faith? I am surprised that they might be since one of my letter-writers and two of the people I asked to review my statement are LDS and they only had positive feedback for me.

[AbrasaxEos]

I don't think so - you make it sound a bit parochial, but no more so than I would expect from a Southern Baptist or Pentecostal who did the same.  I'm also not 100% sure I quite catch mdiv's drift in the post above, despite its having been edited.  I don't think your statements suck or are boring either, though they are probably a bit more self-referential than I'd go for with regard to the type of degrees you are applying for.  A few of the places (most notably St. Vladimir's) *might* be interested in this aspect of your application, but overall I'd tone down the "can't come home for Thanksgiving/crying mother/disappointed family" end of things.  I think you could talk some about how your conversion to Greek Orthodoxy has been an important influence on your desire to study theology without bringing all of this extra stuff in.  I know that this has been an important aspect of your decision, so you don't necessarily need to leave it out, but just use your conversion (in truncated form - i.e. "I recently converted to Greek Orthodoxy") to tell a story about how you then moved towards readings, thinkers, or ideas that really motivate your desire to learn more about the subject, and then how each school would allow you to do this. 

 

So briefly, I don't think you trash Mormonism in the letters, but I actually don't think you need to bring it up at all.