Significant Others / Post-Acceptance Upheaval

[pannpann]

On 3/10/2015 at 2:26 AM, grishko said:

Knowing that I essentially have to get into one of 3-4 schools in order to stay in academia, I wonder if anyone has tips for how to maximize your chances? He thinks I should meet with POIs at UCSD and tell them that he will be joining the faculty and that I'm interested in their program, but this seems presumptuous to me... I don't know that they'd care at all what my situation is, particularly because he's in a completely different field. But I will be in SD a lot in the near future, including an upcoming visit for them to wine and dine us, so it seems a waste not to reach out to anyone.

 

I know this is a very specific problem, but just thought I'd put it out there. I don't even know if I should ask profs in my own MA program for advice... I'm afraid people will take me less seriously if they know I'm prioritizing my commitment to the relationship over maximizing my options for the PhD ?

 

The value of a pre-application visit is debatable, and depends on the school. Some schools encourage it and some strongly discourage it. But once you've done your faculty research and know enough about your POIs to make serious inquiries or have relevant questions, if you feel confident enough to get in touch with them about your interest in the program, and if they respond, I don't see what the harm would be in asking if you could meet up in person, or speak on the phone, etc. I think it would be a bad move to just show up, not because it's presumptuous necessarily but because it could be rather intrusive.

 

Also, I can't guess your gender, but if you are a woman I would highly recommend not telling the program that you hope to attend the school due to proximity to your boyfriend. Academia is wary of married women and women with children, and I don't think citing your boyfriend as the cause of your interest in the program will do you any favors. (Not that there is anything wrong with your choices, just that even the most educated people were raised in this patriarchy and institutional bias prevails.)

 

Slate article on the pay gap/tenure gap of women with kids here. 

[MonicaBang]

I went on a campus visit as a "prospective applicant," and I really think it was a mistake. Even though the DGS and the professors he directed me to speak with were very gracious, there was an undercurrent of why are you here in every conversation. 

 

People in the sciences might view it differently, but I wish I had kept my exchanges email-only. Perhaps you could pick one POI on campus, email him/her, and if s/he seems enthusiastic, mention that you will be in the area and would be happy to meet. 

 

I had a very similar experience visiting UCSD a couple years ago. The DGS and a POI were friendly enough, but there was definitely no encouragement. My biggest suggestion if you're interested in UCSD is to make sure you thoroughly understand their program. It is very comparative-lit focused, so it will be to your benefit if your research interests clearly align with theirs. I suspect they get a good number of applicants who want to attend because it's the only PhD program in San Diego, not because it's that applicant's ideal place to pursue graduate work. So the better you truly fit, the better your chances are. 

 

Before reaching out to POIs, you might also try to reach out to current grad students. Check out their work, see if there's any overlap with yours, and venture a friendly email. Then you can get a little more perspective on the program and the professors you think you'd like to work with. 

[grishko]

I went on a campus visit as a "prospective applicant," and I really think it was a mistake. Even though the DGS and the professors he directed me to speak with were very gracious, there was an undercurrent of why are you here in every conversation. 

 

People in the sciences might view it differently, but I wish I had kept my exchanges email-only. Perhaps you could pick one POI on campus, email him/her, and if s/he seems enthusiastic, mention that you will be in the area and would be happy to meet. 

 

I had a very similar experience visiting UCSD a couple years ago. The DGS and a POI were friendly enough, but there was definitely no encouragement. My biggest suggestion if you're interested in UCSD is to make sure you thoroughly understand their program. It is very comparative-lit focused, so it will be to your benefit if your research interests clearly align with theirs. I suspect they get a good number of applicants who want to attend because it's the only PhD program in San Diego, not because it's that applicant's ideal place to pursue graduate work. So the better you truly fit, the better your chances are. 

 

Before reaching out to POIs, you might also try to reach out to current grad students. Check out their work, see if there's any overlap with yours, and venture a friendly email. Then you can get a little more perspective on the program and the professors you think you'd like to work with. 

 

Thanks very much for these insights - that's what my intuition was telling me: that I'd just get the dreaded "why are you here" vibe! That's a good idea about perhaps reaching out to a grad student, but perhaps only if their work is very closely related to mine. In the meantime I'll try to network if the opportunity arises at all.

 

I agree that UCSD is a very specific program and don't want to fall into the trap of applying just because of location, which wouldn't be to anyone's benefit. I'll be doing a lot of research

 

Also, I can't guess your gender, but if you are a woman I would highly recommend not telling the program that you hope to attend the school due to proximity to your boyfriend. Academia is wary of married women and women with children, and I don't think citing your boyfriend as the cause of your interest in the program will do you any favors. (Not that there is anything wrong with your choices, just that even the most educated people were raised in this patriarchy and institutional bias prevails.)

 

Slate article on the pay gap/tenure gap of women with kids here. 

 

Thanks for this reminder. I'm definitely aware of the bias against women having children in academia, and I think mentioning it at all before you have an offer somewhere is shooting yourself in the foot (sad as it may be). I'm a bit surprised that it would extend to married women as well... maybe just because of the association of marriage with reproduction. But yeah, something to keep in mind.

 

I um don't have any experience with it, but I would bring this up to your MA professors. Let me put it this way, would you want to be in a field where people looked down on you for choosing financial stability and love over precariousness?

 

This will be my next step. I think that there will be people who judge, but it's unrealistic to think we can make these decisions in a vacuum especially given their odds of success for a stable career. 

 

Thanks again for your responses, guys.

[jujubea]

I went on a campus visit as a "prospective applicant," and I really think it was a mistake. Even though the DGS and the professors he directed me to speak with were very gracious, there was an undercurrent of why are you here in every conversation. 

 

People in the sciences might view it differently, but I wish I had kept my exchanges email-only. Perhaps you could pick one POI on campus, email him/her, and if s/he seems enthusiastic, mention that you will be in the area and would be happy to meet. 

 

I had a very opposite experience with two Communication Studies programs. Well, not entirely opposite. 

People definitely wanted to know why I was there (in late summer, before applications had even opened), but as soon as I told them it was for family reasons (in my case, I told them I have my SO and stepkids to consider in the move), people were immediately understanding - even at one of the programs where there were no other students with kids. People seemed to understand quite quickly and be sympathetic - not in a pity way, but in a "Oh yes, that's wise, I would probably do that too" way. 

 

I ended up getting in as a top applicant to both of those schools.

[chateaulafitte]

I'm late to this thread, but wondering if anyone is dealing with a situation at all like mine. My boyfriend is in the sciences whereas I'm currently doing an MA in English, but he's at a very different point in his career: he's on the job market for faculty positions and has been offered a position at UCSD (which is great!). So there's a 90ish% chance that's where we'll be moving (him this fall and me once I finish my MA), and if I want to do a PhD, it'll have to be within a 2 hour radius of there. I've already decided that I would choose living with or near him over the PhD if I had to, and we are planning to start a family soon so I couldn't do long distance while I'm in the PhD program.

 

Knowing that I essentially have to get into one of 3-4 schools in order to stay in academia, I wonder if anyone has tips for how to maximize your chances? He thinks I should meet with POIs at UCSD and tell them that he will be joining the faculty and that I'm interested in their program, but this seems presumptuous to me... I don't know that they'd care at all what my situation is, particularly because he's in a completely different field. But I will be in SD a lot in the near future, including an upcoming visit for them to wine and dine us, so it seems a waste not to reach out to anyone.

 

I know this is a very specific problem, but just thought I'd put it out there. I don't even know if I should ask profs in my own MA program for advice... I'm afraid people will take me less seriously if they know I'm prioritizing my commitment to the relationship over maximizing my options for the PhD :/

 

Has your boyfriend been offered a tenure-track position? Because it's not unheard of to have people on the TT negotiate a spot in a PhD program for their SO as part of their hiring package.

[grishko]

Has your boyfriend been offered a tenure-track position? Because it's not unheard of to have people on the TT negotiate a spot in a PhD program for their SO as part of their hiring package.

 

He has, but I don't know that they can do much as his is sciences faculty and mine is literature. They know our situation so I think they would've offered some help if so... though they are very helpful with career resources for partners.

[chateaulafitte]

He has, but I don't know that they can do much as his is sciences faculty and mine is literature. They know our situation so I think they would've offered some help if so... though they are very helpful with career resources for partners.

 

It doesn't matter what field he's in, it's actually better if he's in the sciences as departments typically have more money to deal with such cases.

 

Don't assume the hiring department would do anything if your partner doesn't ask. They may know you're a grad student; they cannot know what your actual plans are. If your partner doesn't ask anything for you, they won't offer it.

 

Of course, what I wrote only applies if he's still negotiating.

[TakeruK]

I agree with chateaulafitte in the sense that when a new professor is being hired, especially in the sciences, they have some negotiating power, even for things in other departments. For example, they might able to work it out that the hiring department will provide some or all of the funding for you in the literature department. This is not unheard of and actually quite common when both partners are being hired as postdocs or professors. I also agree that if you want to do this, you have to ask for it directly. Hiring departments want to save money too and they want to get the best candidate they can get without spending too much, so if you two want something as a condition of hiring him, he needs to ask.

 

However, I understand that the two of you might decide that asking for this might not be in both of your best interests. For some of the reasons above but also because some people have reported being treated differently when they are a "spousal hire". Your colleagues might not know but the professors/department would know. If you were being hired as a postdoc or professor, then this won't really matter since the other professors will have no need to know about your funding source, but since you are a graduate student, the professors will know more about you. But whether or not you should worry about this is 1) dependent on how your field works (I don't have experience here) and 2) whether or not you care about this.