Best way to decline an offer. Discuss please...

[ritapita]

I have been thinking a lot about what to say when it comes time to decline offers (if of course I am lucky enough to be presented with that predicament!).  I have been working with each POI extensively over the course of several months, and have really grown to like them in the process.  It is going to be uncomfortable of course if I then need to cut that cord. Most likely only on my part...but I would hope there would be a tad bit of disappointment on their end. They have each done a lot of work on my behalf to help with applications, funding searches, etc etc. I know that it is part of the process and that they expect this to occur with many of the potential students they engage with, but I am looking for input on the most professional way to approach this difficult task.

 

I am curious how others have approached this...

[TakeruK]

Keep it short and polite and be very appreciative of all the time and effort they put into helping you. Do not go into reasons why you picked another school, unless they ask (and even if they do, avoid saying anything negative about their program). Most schools will have you take an "exit survey" after you officially decline them and that's the right place to let them know things like "stipend was too low" etc.

 

Also, don't be overly apologetic because then it sounds like you are saying that they will be not as well off now that you're not there.

 

I wrote a few sentences like this:

 

Dear X,

 

Thank you again for all of your help with the application process and inviting me to visit your program. I really enjoyed meeting you and learning about your research. Unfortunately, I am writing to let you know that I decided to accept an offer elsewhere. I look forward to meeting you again at [insert conference here or whatever, as appropriate; you can also just omit this]

 

Thank you again,

TakeruK

[fuzzylogician]

I kept it short and simple, Dear X, I am writing to let you know that I have chosen to accept an admissions offer from Uni Y. I wanted to thank you again for your support throughout the application process. I greatly enjoyed {meeting you / talking to you / corresponding with you} and learning more about your research. I look forward to meeting you (again) some time soon. All my best, -F. Logician

[jujubea]

Oh gosh, I hear you. I am not looking forward to declining. I have conversed and personally met all the people I'm dealing with at my schools and they're all so respectable, I really like them, and genuinely would be honored to work with any of them. I was sort of secretly hoping that two schools would reject me so I could avoid having to decline offers. 

 

I'm really looking forward to reading more responses to this thread...

 

Also - FuzzyLog, you mention specifically saying who you did accept an offer from. Would others recommend doing this too?

[fuzzylogician]

Also - FuzzyLog, you mention specifically saying who you did accept an offer from. Would others recommend doing this too?

 

I mean, you don't have to, but why not? In cases when I sent these emails before I made my final choice (I was debating between my two top choices and decided I was definitely not accepted some other offers) I think without exception the professor would write back and wish me luck and also ask what offer I ended up accepting. Your affiliation is not a secret, so I didn't see a reason not to share. 

[TakeruK]

There's no reason not to share -- you can easily replace "elsewhere" in my example with "at University X." I guess I just chose the faster option to type when writing the example

[jujubea]

Makes sense.... thanks!

[rising_star]

Just chiming in to say that I always told people where I decided to go instead, if I'd already decided. For the schools I declined in like early March when I had decided against them but hadn't yet decided where I'd go, I used "elsewhere" (as TakeruK suggested) in my emails. Once I did decide, I told people where I was going. I did this in part because my decision came down to two programs that know one another very well (PhD grads of one are on the faculty of the other, the dept chair of one was the previous dept chair at the other), so I knew I'd see those people again. My field isn't huge, neither is my subfield, so I knew people would find out at the next conference where I'd decided to go. Given that, I figured I'd just be honest. 

[grad_wannabe]

I did a personal phone call to each POI when I declined two master's offers. One of those went very well, and that professor and I are still in close contact to this day.