Graduate school with young children

[Chiqui74]

I'm interested in hearing from current graduate students who have young kids about what their experience has been like so far.  If you are still a prospective student, do you have a game plan?

 

I'm in the humanities, which is very reading and writing intensive, most of which I assume gets done at home since there is no lab for this.  I need to come up with a way to make sure I budget my time effectively.  I'm also somewhat concerned about how things are going to work out when it comes time for me to do archive work, which may not, and most likely will not be, in the same area where I'll be for school. Usually, people go away for months at a time, which I assume will also be the case with me, but I'd have to move my entire family just for that, and then back.  This is a bit in the future still, but definitely something to think about.

Edited February 17, 2015 by Chiqui74

[DartmouthTrav]

Hi there,

 

It's a serious question you ask and one that I was not entirely prepared for entering Dartmouth. Thankfully my wife and I worked out a system whereby I would go to classes / library like I would a job. When I came home I was Dad. It was very hard to try to do work for my masters while trying to stay active as a father. We lived in Dartmouth's grad family housing and there were spaces in the neighborhood that allotted study space outside of each unit. There was so much reading I did as a History student that time with family and school did end up overlapping. In those cases I treated it like I was casually reading on any other "normal" day not in school, but my kids were priority. 

 

I also ended up traveling overseas to Oxford for a summer. THAT was difficult but FaceTime / Skype is a gem that shouldn't be overlooked. Also time with grandparents helped in my absence.  All in all it's doable if you make your work and your family two separate things and afford yourself ample time for being a parent as well as a student. Learn to shut off the student when your child really needs you and conversely ....learn to late-night-cram your ass off.  I wrote 40 page papers in one sitting while my family slept. Yes I was a waste the next day and I edited and re-editied, but the bulk was accomplished by a pot of coffee and some serious work ethic. 

 

In truth, I found being a parent of an 8 and 3 yr old prepared me better for sleepless nights and the ability to work through being sick or tired or frustrated. Nothing EVER compared to a screaming colicky baby, so I felt good about my mental endurance throughout it all. Simply: parents make damn good students. I ended up with all A's in every class.  It meant more at this phase of life and being a Dad provided a daily perspective for why it was important to do my absolute best every time. 

 

Good luck to you !!

[AmityDuPeuple]

Does anyone know of support forums for grad parents? I am a single mom heading to grad school this fall and would love to join or start a support system for others. I am assuming the amount of single parent grad students is fairly low. What are your thoughts?

[Rini]

I'm in the same situation.  I'm interested in grad school, but I have a 1 year old and one on the way.  I think grad school would only work for me if I could find a part-time Biology program, because we are committed to being with our children as much as possible. 
 

I'm probably crazy:  do other parents sometimes wish that the presence of children wasn't completely excluded from academia in our culture?  I once attended a week long seminar in a rural Alaskan town (where I lived at the time), and there was a native lady in the back of the classroom holding and bottle feeding a little one.  It was casually excepted as completely normal and good, with some of the other ladies taking turns rocking the child.  I had no children yet, but my heart ached to incorporate my future family into my dreams of a career.

If it was treated as entirely normal and excepted, do you think you could get your work done with your children around?  I'm pretty sure I could.

[Chiqui74]

To be fair, I did all my undergrad, except for the first year, with a kid.  My son was born the summer after my first year, so the concept is not entirely alien to me.  I know I can make it work being physically there, my concern mostly comes from when it is time to travel to the archives, etc.

 

I guess we'll get to that when it comes to that!

[MidwesternAloha]

I'm in the same situation.  I'm interested in grad school, but I have a 1 year old and one on the way.  I think grad school would only work for me if I could find a part-time Biology program, because we are committed to being with our children as much as possible. 

 

I'm probably crazy:  do other parents sometimes wish that the presence of children wasn't completely excluded from academia in our culture?  I once attended a week long seminar in a rural Alaskan town (where I lived at the time), and there was a native lady in the back of the classroom holding and bottle feeding a little one.  It was casually excepted as completely normal and good, with some of the other ladies taking turns rocking the child.  I had no children yet, but my heart ached to incorporate my future family into my dreams of a career.

If it was treated as entirely normal and excepted, do you think you could get your work done with your children around?  I'm pretty sure I could.

I think one of the reasons it's so hard to accept family culture in academia is because when a higher education institution invests in you (financially, via stipend), it's fair to expect that your coursework be your first priority. I think most people are distracted by kids- you love them, want to put them first. How can you help it? It's not a bad thing to do that!! But it puts universities in a compromising situation and both sides lose.

My husband and I will probably start a family during grad school (as crazy as it sounds), and one program that isn't my #1 choice is sounding better and better because they have a paid maternity leave policy you can use twice in five years! I am sympathetic to mothers who take on grad school. More power to you!!

[1415dr]

I had a 2 year old and a newborn when I started my masters program. I actually did better than when i was an undergraduate with no family obligations. I worked all day, took care of the kids until they went to bed, then stayed up late studying.

I usually spent about 8 hours on Saturday doing assignments. my previous job was 6 days a week, so it was the same for everyone. Sundays were 100% family time. Overall I think it worked out. Now my kids are 2 and 4, so I don't know if it will be worse or better if I start another program.

[Navita]

I’m a mother of two and doing my masters. I manage well. So i have this belief that others can too! Cheers