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I got accepted, SO waiting to hear...asking is totally inappropriate, right?


ictus

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So I got in to one of my top choices, hooray!

My significant other, however, is still waiting to hear from them. Of course this factors into my decision a bit (whether it should or shouldn't is not the question here), but I want to confirm my feeling that asking my POI is completely out of the question, right? Not, "will my girlfriend/boyfriend get in?" but something like, "I am so excited about this offer, but am waiting for a few more pieces of information before making a final decision. It would be helpful to know when the rest of the decisions will be going out, as my partner has also applied to x school and that will have some bearing on my options..."

 

...the more I think about this, the more I realize there's no way to do that tactfully. 

 

Well, I'll post anyway in case anyone has had experience with this and would like to chime in!

Edited by ictus
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I'd let the person waiting to get in do the asking as far as status goes. I think receiving an email of "I'd love to attend but my girlfriend needs her acceptance too" would be pretty off putting. I know that it isn't what the content of the email would say but any risk that it would come off that way is too much I'd think.

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I agree. I would advise against this as well.

 

Look up the "two-body problem" in academia. Schools are barely forgiving even after both members of a couple have their PhDs. If I were an adviser, I would not be bothered by this question, especially if there were kids in the picture, but you can't reasonably anticipate how your POI would respond. 

 

Also, are you female? Not only might this effect your chances in the short term, but you would run a greater chance of not being taken seriously in the long term for supposedly "valuing your partner over career" and all that BS - which is not only a double-standard, but very unfair and unreasonable. However, it's a practical reality nonetheless. 

 

Likewise, if your partner is female, this advice would apply as well. 

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