Got Pregnant and Phd admission same time

[Acs]

Hi there, 

 

So, my doctoral program starts in October,15, same month of my expected delivery date. I have got acceptance and scholarship letter, but final approval is still in process for lack of some transcripts. First, I am feeling bad that I have still not told the university about my pregnancy and that in no way I can join the normal schedule, though I had to give acceptance to the mails till now I have received. Everyone is telling me to wait till final approval and tell them at later stage. 

 

Second I am also not sure whether I should just join a semester late or defer for the next year. The course work is for 9 months and next summer starts the problem course, so if join a semester late I am not sure whether it would be a good decision to join with a 2.5 month old baby. I plan to get one of my parent to live with me for some time, so that while the baby is still very small I can complete the course work and when it grows a little big I can start my problem research work. During problem research work my schedule will be more flexible. 

 

The graduate booklet says that one can take off for a semester only after joining the program, so it doesn't look possible in my case. The professors seems supportive and I am worried whether any university policy might hinder my dream of doing it's program. 

 

Lots of confusion! Has anyone of you been in this position? Please share your thoughts. 

 

Thanks in advance, 

[fuzzylogician]

Congratulations! I would also advise to wait until after you have been officially accepted, just to be on the safe side. In the meanwhile, I'd recommend starting to learn about the services your school offers to young families. They may be through the school's medical center or the disabilities office or a dedicate part of the Dean of Students' office, etc. Read up on what is offered, then once you're officially accepted, contact them to ask about your particular situation. Once you have all the information, contact your department. You should probably decide which option you would like to pursue out of what's available before you contact them. If it were me, I'd consider deferring for at least a semester. Consult with your advisor, and ask if there are any students with young children who you could be put in touch with. They could give you the most up to date information and advice. 

[Acs]

Thanks for your reply!

Yes, I have looked upon the facilities and they do have a tie up with a good daycare facility- which supports students and faculty members. There is one student (I don't know personally) who delivered after course work, so at later stage I can also talk to them. 

 

I am more worried about whether it would be a good idea to start the school with a small baby at home and demanding coursework. Since I am going to school after 7 years and I have heard the course works are very demanding in US. Ideally a semester delay should do fine, but not sure if I would be able to give my best after 3 month of delivery and a small baby. 

[fuzzylogician]

That seems to me like a very personal decision that may change considerably from one person to the next. As a first step, check out this thread that is being discussed right now in the neighboring forum:  My best advice, not having done this myself, would be to talk to as many people with relevant experiences as possible. I would guess that waiting a year would be better than waiting a semester, but either way you'll have to learn to fit a young baby in with your studies and that won't be easy, so maybe you just have to jump right in and do it. Again, total guess here, no first hand experience. You should ignore me and listen to those with more experience .

[Acs]

Thanks again!

I shall follow that thread. You are right, its more of personal decision and depends upon lots of factors.

[TMP]

Is there any way you can wait until the following year (deferral) or do you need the health insurance/income?  It's a personal decision indeed but it seems to me that you also want an opportunity to make the most of  your graduate experience  too.  Do what's best for you and your family.... remember, babies grow up very fast!

[Acs]

I don't need any insurance/income and I do want to make the most of graduate experience too. Point is now baby and phd are both together, so earlier the better or wait till he grows an year older?

[MidwesternAloha]

Baby will be on a better sleep schedule a year from now, so there's one benefit of deferring.

[Threeboysmom]

Congratulations!  It seems like babies always show up when you are going on to another level.   As far as starting school goes, that will be a difficult decision.  Many newborns sleep a good 16 or so hours a day which means you will have more study time when the baby is less mobile.  That is if your baby is a good sleeper and one can never be sure until the baby is here.  On the other hand if you wait until the baby is older (defer a year) you will now have a mobile little one who (gets into everything) and baby could have an unpredictable sleeping pattern.  Its hard to say.  Personally I like studying and getting major things school related done around child's sleeping schedule so I would say start while the baby is young.  But if your program starts and your baby will be only two months old you will still be adjusting to baby's sleep/wake cycle and starting a rigorous program may be a bit much especially post pardom.

 

 I'm not sure if you mentioned if this was your first baby or not.  I originally started to seriously applying to graduate programs  five years ago while I was pregnant with my third child.  Eventually, I decided that it would be best if I waited because my other children were still young and trying to work out a sitter and feeding was too much for me to figure out.  (Neither of my boys would take a bottle, so that meant I needed to be around so that I could feed them.)  Well it worked out that five years later I am now in graduate school my children are older so the dynamic is a bit different.  Of course I don't mean that you need to wait that long.  I was just wondering if you could gauge from previous babies how long it took you to get back into the swing of things after delivery etc.  

 

If you do decide that you are going to go for it you will need a good support system, a sitter, a moby wrap and a feeding schedule with bottles if you plan to bottle feed.  Don't be so hard on yourself and don't be alarmed if you find yourself crying a lot more than normal.  The hormonal imbalance post baby takes a while to level off.  I don't think I'm helping much so I'm going to end this post.  I can only offer that you can do it.  It won't be a cake walk but it can be done.  Best of luck whatever you decide.  

[dr. t]

 especially post pardom.

 

The utterly pedantic Latinist in me is compelled to correct this to post partum. Unless, of course, you really do mean "after the panther." 

[Threeboysmom]

The utterly pedantic Latinist in me is compelled to correct this to post partum. Unless, of course, you really do mean "after the panther." 

Thanks for correcting me, I kept looking at it I knew it wasn't right but kept typing and forgot to come back to it.  

Edited March 3, 2015 by Threeboysmom

[.letmeinplz//]

The utterly pedantic Latinist in me is compelled to correct this to post partum. Unless, of course, you really do mean "after the panther." 

Some children are like little panthers so...

[Acs]

Thank you all for your responses. Latte- the reason you mentioned to start early was the one I am thinking of. Since this is my first child, I am not sure what to expect. 

Lots of things in my mind right now, but sharing experiences really helps a lot.