Homesick...

[MDLee]

Here I am...2300 miles from home. I'm doing what I love and loving what I do. My department is awesome, my research is swimming along, I'm looking like I'm about to have an amazing few years...

but I miss home SO badly.

This DOES go away at some point...right?

[jasper.milvain]

It absolutely does. You have years and years of experience built up at home... you know the best places to walk, to eat, to hang out... you have a deep affinity for the landscape, the quirky local habits... there's no way that you can instantly replace that with a new place. Seeing a place as 'home' takes a long time. Slowly but surely, you will start building up a similar list of things you love about your new city, things that you can't see right now but that will unfold for you over the months and years. Then your new city will feel like a second home. In the meanwhile, keep busy, do good work, and force yourself to accept every invitation to go out and socialize, whether that means a dept. function or beer with a classmate. Those are the best cures for homesickness I've found.

((MDLee))

[Leahlearns]

I'm almost in the same boat. I leave in two weeks. I won't know anyone and I don't know the city where I'll be in school. I guess it's easy for me to say this now as I'm not in your situation (yet), but I think most people end up being very happy so that odds that you will too are very good. Best of luck.

I was going to start a new thread, but I suppose I might as well post my question here: What is everyone doing to make their new residence feel like home?

I'm looking for ideas. I haven't done much yet, but I am spending quite a bit to have some framed pictures that I like and that have been on my walls for years sent across the country so that they can be on my new walls too.

[Sgt. Pepper]

I'm handling it really well. My primary address remains my parents' home, I refuse to change my license (in part because I would have to re-take the written exam, but mostly because I am not emotionally prepared to make such a change), I complain about the food and lack of Italian specialties, and everywhere I go I find people from my old state and area who say, "Oh God I miss it! I want to go back!"

Oh, and I keep a countdown of the days til I go back for a conference in October. 35 days til Long Island!

So I think all in all I'm handling it rather well.

[aginath]

I was terribly homesick the first two or three weeks we moved here (to Georgia). The first week was the absolute worst and I would randomly cry. As time passes, it fades, but I still get the occasional pang and we're now past six weeks. This weekend, for example, hurts a lot.

This weekend kicks off college football. While it's a big deal here, our first game is away (oddly enough facing one of my old conference opponents). Back "home," it's a home game. After 15 years, I can describe the atmosphere of College Station down to the finite details. All of my friends are pouring into town this morning, gearing up for some awesome tailgating. The roads are jam packed with 80,000 other fans clamoring to find a parking space and get to the tailgates, too. There will be ribs and sausage and potato salad and cookies and pies galore. The beer will floweth forth as different friends float from tailgate to tailgate catching up on summer stories and talking about the season to come. Hugs and handshakes will close the gap of time. There will be satellite dishes set up with generators and big 60" flat screen tvs to watch all of the other games that are on before and after ours. About an hour before kickoff, they'll hear the firing of the canon signaling march-in by the Corps of Cadets. Lines at the turnstiles will start to fill-up making the wait to get inside Kyle Field 30 minutes or more. A dear sweet friend of mine who is a local police sergeant will be working security at the gate I used to use for entry. Somewhere in section 116, my old next door neighbor will be sitting down with his brother in my season ticket seats that I've held since 2000. The same family who has sit next to and behind me for all those years will show up and have new stories to tell of weddings and grandchildren. Down on the field, Parson's Mounted Cavalry will make the rounds of the outer track followed by each unit of the Corps as the Fightin' Texas Aggie Band plays faithfully from the stands. On the east side, thousands of students file into the seats ready to be the 12th Man. Scattered throughout the stadium, the faces of sweet little Aggies to be watch the pageantry gleefully waiting for their day to be one of those students. And as the clock ticks down to kick-off, you hear the drumline start up in the background. A roar starts to rise from the south end as the team starts making the journey from Bright to the field. Months of pent-up fanaticism boils over, for nigh is the launch of a new season...new hope...new memories.

And I'm not there with them this time. It hurts. I miss them, a lot. But I have new memories of my own to make.

[rising_star]

dacey, you should go to a UGA game if you get the chance. Particularly one against one of their SEC opponents. The atmosphere will very much remind you of what you've described in College Station. I absolutely loved home games in Athens and some of the grads in my old dept would get together and tailgate beforehand then attend the games. Super fun.

[RiverRunner]

It's so funny, I just felt my first pang this afternoon, and the minute I log in (first time in a couple of days), this thread is on the top of the forum. It's really nice to know I'm not alone, if only connected through cyber space.

I'm dealing by belatedly returning phone calls, and getting in touch with those I said I would stay in touch with, but have been lousy at so far. It's only working a little. There is familiarity on the other side of this bleak moment.

[anthro2009]

I'm in the same boat. I'm just starting a PhD in East Germany, moving here from Boston/New York. I don't speak any German yet, which is frustrating, and I miss my family and friends a ton. I'm starting to worry that staying here for such a long time is going to be horrible (although PhDs in Europe only take about 4 years, at least). I hope that now that my classes have started, I'll start settling in a little more.

[Canofbeans]

Goodness, I have been here for about 1.5 weeks and I am so depressed and right about ready to quit and just go home. My program is great and the research is great, but for some reason, my depression is making me hate it here. I miss knowing people and the department and where to go. I live alone which makes it harder and I don't know anyone here and still haven't made any friends. I feel like I constantly have to remind myself why I am here and what I am doing, and sometimes my explanations are not so convincing. I really hope this feeling goes away because it's having a negative effect on my work. I just want to quit, pack, go home to my old room and cuddle in bed.

[Sgt. Pepper]

Goodness, I have been here for about 1.5 weeks and I am so depressed and right about ready to quit and just go home. My program is great and the research is great, but for some reason, my depression is making me hate it here. I miss knowing people and the department and where to go. I live alone which makes it harder and I don't know anyone here and still haven't made any friends. I feel like I constantly have to remind myself why I am here and what I am doing, and sometimes my explanations are not so convincing. I really hope this feeling goes away because it's having a negative effect on my work. I just want to quit, pack, go home to my old room and cuddle in bed.

Amen.

[MDLee]

I'm handling it really well. My primary address remains my parents' home, I refuse to change my license (in part because I would have to re-take the written exam, but mostly because I am not emotionally prepared to make such a change), I complain about the food and lack of Italian specialties, and everywhere I go I find people from my old state and area who say, "Oh God I miss it! I want to go back!"

Oh, and I keep a countdown of the days til I go back for a conference in October. 35 days til Long Island!

So I think all in all I'm handling it rather well.

I was all too glad to change my license and registration over...but I am definitely with you on the countdown. I'm trying to plan a trip home for my birthday, but since that happens so close to the holidays I may just wait. Sigh. Love it here. Still miss home

[MDLee]

I'm in the same boat. I'm just starting a PhD in East Germany, moving here from Boston/New York. I don't speak any German yet, which is frustrating, and I miss my family and friends a ton.

WOW...I thought my 2300 mile move from home was a big deal. At least I'm in the same country (or so they tell me, heh). I can relate to the missing family and friends though. My colleagues here are awesome, but my lifeblood is at home.

[MDLee]

I really am glad to see that I'm not the only one who is having trouble with this transition. On the one hand I feel like a total baby...I mean, how am I supposed to be a big-bad world traveling academic if I can't even separate myself from home? Not to mention that none of my colleagues are having the same separation anxieties that I feel. And I also feel a little ungrateful--I mean, this is the most awesome opportunity I've ever been afforded and I'm doing what I love.

I do find that as time goes on (and I get busier) I find small things to keep me occupied in my off time, I go out a little, and even though I miss home this is becoming a little more like home every day. I really have a couple of people I wish I could just transplant, but now at least I have a good excuse to visit my home city whenever I can afford it. Trouble is that very few of us are independently wealthy and trying to fund trips home AND trips to conferences on a grad student budget is damned near miracle-working.

And we proceed

[psycholinguist]

Hang in there, guys! When I was left at my undergrad school (across North America and south of the border from where I grew up), I was miserable. For a little while. Once I adjusted to being there, though, I loved just about everything about it, and now I miss it as well. If the academic side of things is going well, that's the best possible sign that you made a good decision!

[pea-jay]

Well I moved around a lot growing up as a diplomat's kid and continued to move about after that so I don't really have a "home" to be homesick about. But some places were easier to move to and adapt to than others. The most important factors in determining how successful I would be in adaptation was the ability to make new friends and having things to do that interested me.

[UnlikelyGrad]

I'm in the opposite boat.

I fell in love with Colorado the day I moved there. I never wanted to come back to California again.

Alas, my family (that would be husband and kids) is STILL living in CA--probably won't move out until December at the earliest. So I am forced to fly back here every couple of weeks. Yes, I love them and want to see them, but I want to see them IN COLORADO.

I do admit to missing real Chinese food, though probably not as much as my Chinese officemates.

[kinjal]

Oh no...I still have a few months to go..but I'm going to be moving countries too! And though I'm excited, I know I'm going to miss home very much *sigh* And WHY does Hanover have to be so cold?

[mudlark]

I'm in the opposite boat.

I fell in love with Colorado the day I moved there. I never wanted to come back to California again.

Alas, my family (that would be husband and kids) is STILL living in CA--probably won't move out until December at the earliest. So I am forced to fly back here every couple of weeks. Yes, I love them and want to see them, but I want to see them IN COLORADO.

I do admit to missing real Chinese food, though probably not as much as my Chinese officemates.

This is me, too. I love my PhD city desperately. I'm really homesick for my friends, though. Kind of forgot that it took me seven years to build up the relationships I had in my last town, and that it would take some time here, too.

[aginath]

dacey, you should go to a UGA game if you get the chance. Particularly one against one of their SEC opponents. The atmosphere will very much remind you of what you've described in College Station. I absolutely loved home games in Athens and some of the grads in my old dept would get together and tailgate beforehand then attend the games. Super fun.

I was really looking forward to gamedays at UGA, but I can say without a doubt (now) that I'll be skipping campus next season. I've never been more embarrassed for a school in my entire life. Sixteen years of SWC/Big 12 football must have spoiled me. Never have I seen so much underage drinking and general disrespect for fellow man. Kids were strung out on North Campus passed out or close to it. Those that could walk would trip and land in a gutter while their friends just kept walking. Trash was thrown everywhere without any regard. And that was before I got to Sanford. Trying to get into student seating without being puked on or pushed around was a vain effort and I left both games early (Arizona State and LSU). I remember when Texas A&M used to play LSU the first game of every season. While they're not the greatest fans in the world, they certainly weren't that bad in Aggieland (or even in Jacksonville when they were in the NCAA tournament a few years ago; yes, I'm mixing sports). Truth be told, I never want to experience Bulldog football again in person. I'll be content to tailgate with my department OFF campus and watch televised games.

[tourist]

I was really looking forward to gamedays at UGA, but I can say without a doubt (now) that I'll be skipping campus next season. I've never been more embarrassed for a school in my entire life. Sixteen years of SWC/Big 12 football must have spoiled me. Never have I seen so much underage drinking and general disrespect for fellow man. Kids were strung out on North Campus passed out or close to it. Those that could walk would trip and land in a gutter while their friends just kept walking. Trash was thrown everywhere without any regard. And that was before I got to Sanford. Trying to get into student seating without being puked on or pushed around was a vain effort and I left both games early (Arizona State and LSU). I remember when Texas A&M used to play LSU the first game of every season. While they're not the greatest fans in the world, they certainly weren't that bad in Aggieland (or even in Jacksonville when they were in the NCAA tournament a few years ago; yes, I'm mixing sports). Truth be told, I never want to experience Bulldog football again in person. I'll be content to tailgate with my department OFF campus and watch televised games.

Ahhhhh.... Fond memories of my alma mater. (not UGA, but an SEC school). Good thing the clean-up crew was there bright and early on Sunday mornings. Truth be told, SEC sports is a totally different animal from Big 12...more rabid. Cheers.

[aginath]

Rabid is quite possibly the perfect word to describe it. Encompassing and succinct. Most excellent.