Your opinion on my GRE Essays?

[Charisma]

Hello everyone. 

Here are my GRE essays. I would be much obliged if your provided me with some feedback. You will notice spelling errors, my apologies in advance; this is my first attempt at a timed GRE essay.

Thanks in advance.

Issue Task

Technology, while apparently aimed to simplify our lives, only makes our lives more complicated.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Developing technology, a very broad umbrella term for what consittutes many diverse disceiplines and their respective objectives,  in itself has not been solely intended for simplyfing human lives. Their objectives have changed during the course of history.

While I agree that the fast pace of technological developements have taken a toll on so many slowely-adapting humans, one must not try to make an amalegam of all of the technological advancements and assign a single purpose to them, namely, simplfing human lives. Indeed, early technological offerings were intended to ameliorate our life experinces, but humans progressed through thier quest for knowledge and expertise, soon they found out that technology enables them to transcende their already-familiar life experinces and lets them unleash their creativity in largely uncharted waters. At that point, technology morphed from a means to an end, to an end itself. Examples are abundant. Space exploration and the technological advancements that led to its possibility, are prominent examples. While it's true that much of those precursory developements were originally intended for aerospace industry, with the alleged goal of easing human travail in traveling, one could just as strongly argue that developing rockets with accelerations up to 10 times that of earth's gravity force did little to ease our mundane earthly lives.  

Another point in the argument that is problematic, is the alleged fact that technology "makes our lives more complicated". I disagree. Although, the pace of technology has increased considerably since the second half of the 20th century and this fast pace has overwhelemed so many people, I contend that this is not a fact applicable to everyone. Younger generations tend to adapt to new technologies very quickly. Therefore, I believe the problem raised is that of the old "evolution", a fast-paced, unprecededant evolution, but still an evolution.

To conculde I say while it is true that our world has become an overwhelming place, but to blame technological advancements for it, is simply a fallacy.

Argument Task

SuperCorp recently moved its headquarters to Corporateville. The recent surge in the number of homeowners in Corporateville proves that Corporateville is a superior place to live than Middlesburg, the home of SuperCorp's current headquarters. Moreover, Middleburg is a predominately urban area and according to an employee survey, SuperCorp has determined that its workers prefer to live in an area that is not urban. Finally, Corporateville has lower taxes than Middlesburg, making it not only a safer place to work but also a cheaper one. Therefore, Supercorp clearly made the best decision.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on the assumptions and what the implications are if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

There are a number of assumptions that either hold weak relations to their source facts, or whose sources are arguable; there are also assumptions that have no support in the passage given. 

The assumption that the surge in Corporateville's homeowners is a valid signal that it "is a superior place to live" falls on many different notes. First, what constitutes superiority? is there an overarching definition for such a thing, or is it just a vague and highly subjective term?
Second, what if the surge in homeowner's number is caused by other factors, such as yet another recent major corporation displacement? Does that warrants that the situation is better? wouldn't it be possible that mere corporate deceisions have led to such consequneces and not human resources' concerns?

To legitimize the claim, a survey is mentioned. While the contents of the survey is not discussed, one can already discern a clear conflict of interest; what gurantees that the surveyors has been truly impartial in its conduction and analysis?

Another key argument for favoring the displacement to Corporateville is lower taxes. However, it's not mentioned how reduced taxation helps the average SuperCorp employee's household. While lower taxes is certainly attractive to SuperCorp admininstration, it's unclear how much it would benefit its employees. Yet still, there are other significant factors for the average SuperCorp employee that the article conveniantely glosses over, including general level of prices (that could be higher in Corporateville compared to Middlesburg), educational facilities (which would clealy be problematic given the fact that Corporateville is not as urbanized as Middlesburg), inflation, and so forth. 

In the end, there's a unwarranted assumption, that Corporateville would be safer than Middlesburg; this finds no support whatsoever in the article. 

 

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Thanks again

[Vince Kotchian GRE Prep]

hey Charisma,

I'd give you a 4. I like your issue essay a little better than your argument essay. I like your insightful point that technology doesn't just simplify, it is an end unto itself. It seems like you didn't have much time to develop your second body paragraph about the complicating nature (or lack thereof) of technology.

Your argument essay could use more analysis. Instead of just asking rhetorical questions, explain how the potential answers to those questions would affect the argument.

Not bad - keep practicing!

[Charisma]

Thank you Vince. I really appreciate your thoughts on my essays. 

I had one general question: Do the spelling errors stand out so obviously that might convince raters to deduct points? In your assessment, did you deduct points?

The reason I'm asking is that I have a problem with the clock and when that happens I tend to focus more on the material (getting it out there) than spelling. I've read in the Official Guide that unsystematic spelling/grammar errors are not punished, I would like to know where that boundary lies so that I can stay clear of it.

Thanks

[Mayur Kulkarni]

After completing a paragraph, you should read it once so that spelling errors (if any) are resolved. Few of them is alright , but if it starts hindering the flow of essay then surely its a bad impression. Goodluck! ;-)

Edited September 16, 2015 by Mayur Kulkarni

[Vince Kotchian GRE Prep]

Don't worry about your spelling errors, Charisma. Since they don't interfere much with meaning, I don't think you would have scored any higher even if they were all fixed.