Mayur Kulkarni

Hi La Rosa, I have some advices for you :-) Firstly, you need to work on supporting examples and try to elaborate. What I do while writing essays is stick to "PREP" model, (1)P - Point What's the main point/claim you want to make. Elaborate your point here. (2)R- Reason A specific reason of why you are making a point. (3)E- Example Example(s) supporting your claim. (4)P- Point (Summary) Summarize the point you made in step 1 succinctly. For instance how I'd make a point in your previous essay : Curriculum in designed in numerous ways in different nations, few of them allow students to choose their subjects or electives during the later stages of high school, while few others totally lack in providing this flexibility, and have a common curriculum until a student enters college. The later would be less beneficent since children learn in numerous way, some may learn through reading, some through writing. Standardizing a curriculum including/excluding certain aspects may hinder the learning process of children. For instance, Einstein was a wonderful violinist and often solved the most intricate problems in his mind while playing music. It is also a well known fact that Leonardo Da Vinci was much more than artist; he was a scientist and inventor and an anatomist. In sum, providing a flexible curriculum will furnish students with options and will let students learn their own way. (2) Structuring: How I'd structure my essay : Para 1 - Intro Para 2 - For Para 3 - For Para 4 - Challenge my own claims (beginning like : However blah blah blah point holds, it is also true that blah blah blah) Para 5- Conclusion (3) Avoid excess use of words like "I". Instead of explicitly mentioning that I disagree , or I agree, or I support, let that be implied through your points. Hope that help Cheers, Mayur

Thank you very much Vince :-) I'll keep that in mind from next time

Actually this thought crossed my mind, but I was representing media as an entity that focuses attention vs reformers.

You're profile is quite good. Why dont you add CMU ?

Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Society right from the inception, have been dogged by scandals. Scandals depict horrifying, immoral, dishonest behavior of people with high reputation, which quickly grabs media's attention. Media does it's job well in exaggerating certain issue to gain publicity. Social reformers on the other hand try to find solution of a certain problem and try to alter the condition in the society for its well being. Whenever a scandal surfaces, atrocities like murder, drug abuse, rape cases are broadcasted by media without thinking about it's consequences and effects on children. Because these organisations are hungry for TRP and believe what they are showing is 'truth'. Many a times to spice things up they alter numbers in a fraudulent case , ask slanderous questions, make derogatory remarks against a reputed organisation/person. For instance, recently Zee media was fined $100,000 for asking personal questions to the Prime Minister and flashing the same in their TV advertisement, a failed attempt to lure people and make them watch their channel. Media should act responsibly and should not misuse its power for its own self. Secondly, it doesnt care about the consequences. The suspects who are involved in a crime yet to get convicted often end up being publicly harrased. For instance, parents who were suspected in the murder of their 12-year old daughter (Who later on were found innocent) were beaten up by their own family and the same was broadcasted on television. Hence, the had to live an isolated life. Instead of just making public aware of the information, it should try to find a solution. Social reformers on the other hand are educated people who have high values and morales. They have high tendancy to change things. More than that, what's more important is they truly want to change the society in which they live. They make rigourous analysis of how a specific situation can be dealt with and have no thoughts for their own benefit. For instance, Arvind Kejrival, who was an ordinary person and an IIT(Indian Institute of Technology, #1 institute in Asia) passout who earned millions left his job for social service. He gather people of similar thinking (Now known as the Aam Aadmi Party) and became chief minister of the capital of India. A exemplar of how an ordinary man could change the society if he wished so. Many social reformers like Raja Ram Mohan Roy have led profoud impact on the Indian society. Raja Ram addressed the issue of widows who were treated condescendingly by the society and made efforts to change this mentality of the people, and also lost his life doing the same. Reformers like Vidyasagar corroborated the same ideology and took it a step further. Vidyasagar had his own son marry a widow, hence people could look up at such people as idols. Such people made true efforts to change the society, now after 200 years we live to see it's consequences. However, sometimes reformers may fail to lay a deep impact on society and/or a particular movement may fade with time. Since the reach of media is far beyond than that of reformers they may lack in spreading out the message. For instance, the recent movement by Anna Hazare to pass an anti corruption bill eventually faded away beacuse of lack of support. In sum, above paragraphs are clear indication of how the negative side of media (which tries to focus peoples attention) far outweighs its positive side. One should bear in mind, only attention is not enough to change the thinking of people in society but certain measures must be taken which is excellently done by social reformers.

You need to practice more, and try to elaborate your points instead of writing numerous small paragraphs. When I first started practicing essays I was about the same level as you are now (I won't say I am an elite now) after practicing about 30-35 essays when I re-read those essays which I had initially written they seemed quite funny, because as you practice you're level starts increasing so the key point in AWA is practicing and reading nice articles that'll furnish your knowledge. Practice more essays and come back at this one and you'll notice a significant increase in your level. Hope this helps Mayur

Oh , thanks Vince. I am a non native English speaker so I kind of suck at essay writing (I am practicing 2 essays from the pool daily). Any tips/advices you'd like to gimme ?

Could you please elaborate on this one ?

Thanks Vince I'll definitely keep this in mind next time

Who knows! Folks at MIT are a bit crazy ;-)

Educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I used to fail in numerous subjects.But on the other hand , my friends used to top the class. Now they are employees at Microsoft and I am the owner of it". This was quoted by Bill Gates at his speech at Harvard. During his education , if Harvard would have kicked him for not scoring well or for not doing well in his academics, he would have hardly be the person now he is. Education plays a crucial role in development in one's life. And educational institutions have tremendous amount of experience and may have the ability to judge if a person is likely to succeed in a specific field. But I believe, it shouldn't dissuade student from choosing a specific path in career. First and foremost, no matter how omniscient a person is he has no right to judge ability of any other person. Abilities may vary from person to person, and educational institutes are no astrologers. What they can do is have certain tests and judge people on its basis, but a single sheet of paper cannot decide the future of an individual.A person may be terrible initially but may outperform others later. For instance, Albert Einstein was autistic and could speak and listen properly till the age of 14. His teachers, including his parent believed he won't be of much use to his family as they were financially backward and believed Albert Einstein would be able to earn bread for them. But later on as the time passed he refuted the rudimentary principles of physics led by polymath Isaac Newton and turned out to be the smartest person ever. However, I believe by virtue of experience, Educational institutions should arrange certain programs and provide platform to people to test their intellectual abilities and let an individual decide whether or not pursue a program. Like for instance, born and brought up in country like India, poverty is huge social evil to fight against. Right at the very beginning of our careers, that is at school we are told to pursue career in field like Engineering or Medical because they are believed to be opulent. Hence, even if a person is interested in playing Guitar and no matter how good he is at it, is forced to become an engineer and he, no matter how dumb he is in a Math or Physics will definitely do better since family's livelihood depends on him. Furthermore, 'success' is a very relative term. Some people may regard 'success' as financially sound, while some may think success means pursuing career in a particular field. And I believe success is something that depends on an individuals smartness, imagination and creativity.For instance, Steve Jobs dropped out of Reed College of Arts, because he believed what he is studying there doesn't make sense. Instead, he chose to attend Calligraphy classes which later on helped in designing fonts in OS X. If the institute where he applied would have refuted his application for dropping out then perhaps Mac's design wouldn't be that beautiful and flawless , or it wouldn't exist at all. In sum, educatoinal institutes should provide platform and programs to people and the decision to pursue a career in a particular field or not should be an individuals prerogative.

My friend got into MIT (Computer Science) with a score of 314, he was a graduate from IIT and published 3 IEEE papers

After completing a paragraph, you should read it once so that spelling errors (if any) are resolved. Few of them is alright , but if it starts hindering the flow of essay then surely its a bad impression. Goodluck! ;-)

Many of my friends who appeared for GRE said they encountered not more than 2-3 questions with words they read through word lists . Right now I've studied around 900-1000 words and while solving SE,TC I nearly never encounter any words I studied. So , should I study more words and increase my vocab or practice more questions that'll give me ideas to tackle problems.

Depends on your academic background. All top level universities (like M.I.T) dont even care about GRE its just a formality there. But I know people who scored better than you can got reject even in mediocre universities.

Wow, it's amazingly written and very cogently presented. Currently I am not that skillful enough to rate your essay but surely it'd be 5+ I want to ask you , did you time yourself while writing the essay? Can you give me some tips to write such a verbose essay , I've recently written the same essay but I wanted to elaborate it more but I fail to articulate my ideas , get nervous as the time ticks and end up writing a less cogent essay. Here's mine -- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The arguement above states that the Woven Baskets which were native to Palea were also found in Lithos hence were not discreet to Plaea. The above statement is too generalized and is fundamentally flawed , since it is based on numerous assumptions. Firstly , it states that the Woven Baskets were found in vicinity of Palea hence they are produced by Paleans . Just because they were found in the vicinity of Palea doesn't necessarily instigate that they were produced by them. For instance , the world famous Apple originally belongs to California , but is produces parts in China this doesn't mean that the product belongs to China. Therefore, more information regarding the same is needed. Secondly, It states the Brim river is deep and broad but doesn't state how deep or broad it is , it might be 1 meter , 10 meter or 1000 meter. The river could've been deep enough for a small child , but an adult could have easily crossed it by swimming or by other means.'Deep' and 'Broad' are too general terms that do not give complete information about the river. Moreover, it states no Palean boats have been found , but there's no evidence about Lithosean boats. Merchants , traders from Lithos could have traveled to Palea and imported the Woven Basket which later on were discovered by archaeologists. And, There's no specific evidence about the design and characteristics of the Woven Basket , since it belongs to prehistoric time , there are huge chances that the particular distinctive pattern might've worn out with passage of time and the Baskets discovered by the archaeologists in Lithos might be something closely related to but not the same as the baskets in Palea. In sum , the given information is to generalized and is inappropriate to conclude , however more information regarding the same would result in a better argument.

I've copy pasted this from notepad with spelling mistakes (if any ;)) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal. "A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring." Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The study on monkeys is trying to bridge connection between the order of birth and individual's level of stimulation. It draws out multiple conclusions like the firstborns produce higher level of cortisol in comparison with the younger ones and later it tries to relate the same conclusion with the cortisol rates in human and finally, it states that first time mother monkeys have higher level of cortisol in comparison with those who have had several children. The given argument is based on many and erroneous assumptions and the conclusion is way too generalised. Firstly, the given study is based only on eighteen monkeys which is not a considerable number to draw a rigid conclusion on. Then, it states that firstborn monkeys produce more hormone in comparison with the younger ones.There could be number of factors responsible for this behaviour, for instance the first born maybe a female or, the monkey may have certian psychological conditions which forced it to behave in such a manner. There is no information given about the monkey like whether or not they belong to same geographic location or not, what was their age, sex etc. Thus the given conclusion is not cogent. Secondly, it tries to relate the behaviour of firstborn humans and firstborn monkeys on the basis that they both produce high level of cortisol. Here it uses the term 'relatively' which fails to explain relative to what? and is a very ambiguous term to draw a conclusion on. Again, there is insufficient data regarding the background of the person who is under study. Perhaps he/she may have idiosyncrasies or the person may be overly or less affectionate towards parents. Moreover it does not specify the age of the person under study, perhaps a person may be old and mature enough to not show stimulus in absence of parent, or he well may be a small baby who may show high level of hormone change in absence of parent. Lastly, it states that the first time mother had higher cortisol levels than the other ones. There could be number of reason for this. Perhaps the monkey under study had certain physical conditions which resulted in elavated cortisol levels. Or perhaps the fact that she is pregnant for the first time may have made her nervous resulting in high cortisol levels. In sum, there could be number of reasons for the cortisol levels in monkeys and in human. More background information regarding the assets under study could've resulted in a plausible argument.