Please evaluate my argument

[Mayur Kulkarni]

Educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

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"I used to fail in numerous subjects.But on the other hand , my friends used to top the class. Now they are employees at Microsoft and I am the owner of it". This was quoted by Bill Gates at his speech at Harvard. During his education , if Harvard would have kicked him for not scoring well or for not doing well in his academics, he would have hardly be the person now he is. Education plays a crucial role in development in one's life. And educational institutions have tremendous amount of experience and may have the ability to judge if a person is likely to succeed in a specific field. But I believe, it shouldn't dissuade student from choosing a specific path in career.

First and foremost, no matter how omniscient a person is he has no right to judge ability of any other person. Abilities may vary from person to person, and educational institutes are no astrologers. What they can do is have certain tests and judge people on its basis, but a single sheet of paper cannot decide the future of an individual.A person may be terrible initially but may outperform others later. For instance, Albert Einstein was autistic and could speak and listen properly till the age of 14. His teachers, including his parent believed he won't be of much use to his family as they were financially backward and believed Albert Einstein would be able to earn bread for them. But later on as the time passed he refuted the rudimentary principles of physics led by polymath Isaac Newton and turned out to be the smartest person ever.

However, I believe by virtue of experience, Educational institutions should arrange certain programs and provide platform to people to test their intellectual abilities and let an individual decide whether or not pursue a program. Like for instance, born and brought up in country like India, poverty is huge social evil to fight against. Right at the very beginning of our careers, that is at school we are told to pursue career in field like Engineering or Medical because they are believed to be opulent. Hence, even if a person is interested in playing Guitar and no matter how good he is at it, is forced to become an engineer and he, no matter how dumb he is in a Math or Physics will definitely do better since family's livelihood depends on him.

Furthermore, 'success' is a very relative term. Some people may regard 'success' as financially sound, while some may think success means pursuing career in a particular field. And I believe success is something that depends on an individuals smartness, imagination and creativity.For instance, Steve Jobs dropped out of Reed College of Arts, because he believed what he is studying there doesn't make sense. Instead, he chose to attend Calligraphy classes which later on helped in designing fonts in OS X. If the institute where he applied would have refuted his application for dropping out then perhaps Mac's design wouldn't be that beautiful and flawless , or it wouldn't exist at all.

In sum, educatoinal institutes should provide platform and programs to people and the decision to pursue a career in a particular field or not should be an individuals prerogative.

Edited September 18, 2015 by Mayur Kulkarni

[Vince Kotchian GRE Prep]

hi Mayur,

I like the depth of your thinking - I'd give this a 4.5 because it really does a nice job of getting into the complexity of the issue, but it has a couple of problems:

The only paragraph that doesn't work very well is the India one - you start out by saying what institutions should do, but then end up on a different note -- basically saying people are forced to be engineers.

Also, your use of standard written English is a bit of a drawback.

Overall, very nice!

[Mayur Kulkarni]

 

Also, your use of standard written English is a bit of a drawback.

Could you please elaborate on this one ?

[Vince Kotchian GRE Prep]

you have several grammar / usage / spelling errors

[Mayur Kulkarni]

Oh , thanks Vince. I am a non native English speaker so I kind of suck at essay writing (I am practicing 2 essays from the pool daily). Any tips/advices you'd like to gimme ?

[Vince Kotchian GRE Prep]

Sure! Here's an example of a sentence you use where you omit articles:

"And educational institutions have tremendous amount of experience and may have the ability to judge if a person is likely to succeed in a specific field. But I believe, it shouldn't dissuade student from choosing a specific path in career."

It should read, "And educational institutions have a tremendous amount of experience and may have the ability to judge if a person is likely to succeed in a specific field. But I believe, it shouldn't dissuade a student from choosing a specific path in his career."

Here's an example of a verb tense error:

"For instance, Steve Jobs dropped out of Reed College of Arts, because he believed what he is studying there doesn't make sense."

It should read, "For instance, Steve Jobs dropped out of Reed College of Arts, because he believed what he was studying there didn't make sense."

Edited September 21, 2015 by Vince Kotchian GRE Prep
typo

[Mayur Kulkarni]

Thank you very much Vince :-) I'll keep that in mind from next time