How to resolve response date conflict

[gelologist]

Hey all,

I'm in a curious situation here. I'm applying to PhD programs most of which will likely want a response by April 15, pending acceptances. However, my fiancée's schools won't tell her if she's accepted until the end of April (it's an "industry" standard notification date for all schools across the board). Anyway, does anyone reckon it's possible to somehow have my response deadline delayed so she's not stuck going to whatever city I choose with the hope that she gets into the local program there two weeks later? (We coordinated our lists so all our options overlapped geographically.) I'd really like her and I to discuss our city choice as equals; she's my better half, and deserves to have her own professional aspirations after all! Alternative suggestions also would be welcome, though note that I think it's nearly impossible for her to "find out early".

Thanks!

Edited January 10, 2016 by gelologist
Grammar, title

[TakeruK]

This is indeed tricky! Is this some kind of internship/residency "match" type thing? 

Honestly, I think you have a really good reason for an extension and you should just ask. You don't have much to lose if they say no. At some programs, like mine, we only admit people to the Earth/Planetary science department in one "wave". So, it's not like you are taking up someone's spot if you wait until April 30 to say no, for example. I know that for my program, you would probably be allowed to extend it  Also some other program at my school will keep an offer open for 1 year (no funding promise though; however if you were competitive in one year, it's likely you would be another year too). 

But I wouldn't tell the schools right away. Instead, wait until you visit and decide that you still want to go to that school. For your fiancée, if she has interviews or other similar things in between now and the final decision, you might be able to narrow down some of your choices. For example, if after your visit and her interview/visit, you both decide that that place is not a good place for you, then you can probably decline the offer without asking for a April 15 extension.

For everything else, you should just ask near the end of March. Hopefully they will say yes without any conditions. Some schools might say that the funding promise may no longer be there. And some schools may say no. In these cases, you (the plural you) will have to decide what way forward is best for the both of you. It's a hard decision!

My spouse and I also discussed the location of my PhD program as equals---although my spouse isn't a student, I felt like such a big move required both of us to be happy about it (not just content). So although I didn't have the deadline issue, I did let all the schools know that it's not just my decision and where I could, I asked for information relevant to my spouse (e.g. job opportunities on campus and in the city). In all cases where my spouse could visit with me, the schools were glad to include my spouse in the events!

[gelologist]

Hi @TakeruK

Thanks! Weirdly, no, hers is actually a degree-seeking program. Even stranger, some of our programs are at the SAME schools, just different departments. Honestly, assuming grad student couples use each other for support, avoiding burnout, and maintaining productivity and happiness (anyone know if this is true?), I find it very odd that schools don't appear outwardly to consider the effect of such disparate admissions policies on applicants.

That said, we'll just make the best of it as much as possible! You're right, she will have on-site interviews, at which point I should also have hopefully some acceptances +/- visits, and that's how we'll narrow our options. But still, I thought a game plan of some kind would be helpful. My initial feeling was exactly as you suggested: wait until a reasonable time before the deadline, and then see if I could obtain an extension. For anyone else who may be in a similar situation, particularly in future years, I'll let you know how things go! Fingers crossed...

Interesting that schools included your spouse in events, TakeruK: do you mean, like interview weekends, or post acceptance recruitment events, or...? Thanks again for your input, regardless!

[TakeruK]

Hi @gelologist!

Ah okay---I know some other students that have partners in health related fields where you must do internships after your Bachelors' degree in order to get certification or something. And I've heard of medical students and "The Match". Unfortunately, I think the April 15 thing is supposed to be a step towards standardizing the notification dates. Without April 15, your deadlines could be even earlier (for some of my programs in Canada, I had to decide by mid-February!)

Out of all the schools I applied to, only one school interviewed me before making a decision and it was a Skype interview. During that interview, one of the questions they asked was "What are the factors that will affect your decision?" and my answer was that "Well it's only half of my decision---my spouse and I are going to decide together, so the non-academic factors are equally to important to me as the academic ones". The profs interviewing me seemed to really like that answer because it was honest and because they agree with it!

For the actual visits, these were all post-acceptance recruitment events.

[gelologist]

4 hours ago, TakeruK said:

"Well it's only half of my decision---my spouse and I are going to decide together, so the non-academic factors are equally to important to me as the academic ones". The profs interviewing me seemed to really like that answer because it was honest and because they agree with it

Yeah, this sounds like a good answer, and a good way also to keep your significant other involved in the admissions process. Thanks!