Critique My Statement of Purpose!

[Tam]

I would really appreciate any feedback on this. I'm applying to math PhD programs in the roughly 55-100 range, rank-wise (you can see the list in my signature), but I'd love thoughts/advice/criticism from anyone, definitely not just math or STEM folks.

I wanted something intermediate between posting my SOP draft here and just asking people to email me, so it's in Google Docs, here:

Tam's SOP

Feel free to quote it here, though, but just not the whole thing.

Please be as critical as you like, and know that I will carefully consider all comments.

Thanks so much to anyone who looks at this :-) It's about 520 words, by the way, so not terrifically long.

[tarski]

Do the SOP prompts of your places ask about research interests? Or maybe you are applying to places that have two statements, one for research interests and one for background. It's just that this one seems to be entirely background, where people usually talk about research interests.

[gurumaster8899]

you don't seem to mention any research experiences you had, or how the school is a good 'fit' for you....

[Venetia]

You mention that you love Maths, but you never say why. What draws you in particular? What specific parts of Mathematics have you enjoyed the most? Did you have an 'aha' moment? This is all stuff I'm using for my SoP (granted, it's for English, so might be somewhat different). I think it would just make you more of an individual, and make you stand out from the masses of other applications and be more memorable.

[Tam]

To answer some questions:

Aside from "probably algebra" I don't know what my research interests are in math. My impression is that that is more common in math than in other fields, at least outside of top programs.

I don't have much research experience to speak of - just one little project in computer science. (We did get a publication, but not sure how to work it into my SOP since the experience itself was irrelevant from a math perspective.)

[jlee306]

Could you post specifically what the school is asking for in the SOP? I always find it easier to critique if I know what the school is asking for.

[noojens]

Strong SoP, but it could use some work. My thoughts:

It's a bit apologetic in tone, and you restate some items that appear elsewhere in your application. Given the limited space you might want to cut out some of the restating of your GPA, etc.

What really interests me is your story: you dropped out, but got a great job anyway - how? Even though you have a good, challenging job with nice pay, it's not enough - why? You'll probably never make as much as a math PhD as you're making now, so what is it about math that so inspires you? Your reasons must be there, and they must be strong, but ten minutes after reading your SoP I can't for the life of me remember them.

You also devote a paragraph to explaining (not really justifying, though...) dropping out of Rice, but only half a sentence to what you've accomplished in the ten years you've been working as an engineer. What are you good at? What skills have you developed? How do they set you apart from your typical 22-year-old, 3.8 GPA, "straight-and-narrow" applicant? For instance if you manage people, you might talk about how mathematical research problems are typically solved by teams, and you have the organizational/interpersonal skills to oversee and direct such teams.

Finally, don't be afraid to sell yourself. Use strong language. Think of this as a job interview -- I'm a professor on the admissions committee who's choosing between you and the 22-year-old mentioned above for a research assistant position. Tell me why I should choose you over him.

[Tam]

The various schools seem to have different SOP prompts, but a lot of them are just generic and don't have specific questions. I plan to use my basic SOP for all of the applications and then customize according to the prompts and, of course, what kind of research groups and things they have at the school. Sorry if that makes it confusing / too generic for editing purposes.

I really appreciate all of the comments so far, so thank you for taking the time.

Also, I'm not actually an engineer - I'm a tech, so I work with engineers, doing their technical bidding (running software, producing charts/graphs/maps, that kind of thing). It's not really a hard job to get into if you're somewhat smart and working in oil & gas - a lot of people come into from being secretaries, etc. - but it does involve developing a lot of skills. It pays well but it's not challenging enough, even though working for a consulting company makes the work much more challenging and varied than it would be otherwise.

So I'm not sure what of all that, if anything, would sound good in an SOP.

Edited November 13, 2009 by Tam

[socialcomm]

To answer some questions:

Aside from "probably algebra" I don't know what my research interests are in math. My impression is that that is more common in math than in other fields, at least outside of top programs.

I don't have much research experience to speak of - just one little project in computer science. (We did get a publication, but not sure how to work it into my SOP since the experience itself was irrelevant from a math perspective.)

Think of the transferable skills from all of your experience, even if they're not directly applicable.

Edited November 13, 2009 by socialcomm