Please review my argument essay

[michellemolina]

Not sure if others do this, but I didn't fix my spelling/grammatical errors before posting. Sorry for all the errors, but I thought posting my essay with them would give me the most realistic ratings. 
Not sure if others do this, but I didn't fix my spelling/grammatical errors before posting. Sorry for all the errors, but I thought posting my essay with them would give me the most realistic ratings. 

Thanks for reviewing!

Topic: Many lives might be saved if inoculations against cow flu were routinely administered to all people in areas where the disease is detected. However, since there is a small possibility that a person will die as a result of the inoculations, we cannot permit inoculations against cow flue to be routinely administered. 
 
Essay:
To evaluate the argument, one must know (1) the number of lives that could be potentially saved from the adminstration of cow flu vacines in diesease detected areas, (2) the number of people who  will die from inoculations, as well as (3) the cost and ease of implementing such a policy. Understanding these three things will allow us to properly assess whether the benefits out weight the cost. For example, if the number of lives saved is less than the number of people who will ultimately die from cow flu inoculations, then this policy is not benefitical. However, if the number of lives that will be saved is extremely greater than the number of people who will die from inoculations, then the policy should be investigated further. Next, one must understand how easily this policy will be implemented. It may be that citizens will be uninterested in inoculations, and may become resistant. If this is the case, then forcing individuals to take incoulations may not be worthwhile. Additionally, if the cost of implementation is very great, then there may be better uses for those funds. For instance, it may be that another disease can be more readily tackled with the same funds. In summary, the number of potential lives saved must be compared with the number of potential deaths, then the ease of implementation of the policy must be explored to understand the ultimate benefits. 

[shinaco]

Hello Michelle, I am not a professional rater and would not risk giving you my opinion as I may mislead you, I am no expert. I myself got 4.5 in the AWA when I did the GRE, If I knew how to write a perfect essay, I would have scored a 6.0, so I do not consider myself qualified enough to give you feedback that could help you.

There is however, a very cheap service by the GRE which uses an automated grading system. It is not as good as having a human expert critisize it, but if you can't pay a professional, that's a good approximation of how you would perform, and it only takes a couple of minutes to give you your grades and some feedback on your writing.

Here is the link: http://store.ets.org/store/ets/en_US/pd/ThemeID.12805600/productID.316644300