Rejecting a great offer...

[ciistai]

Hi all,

I've skimmed through the last few pages of the board and haven't seen a similar topic... so either I missed it or this isn't the right place for it. (If so, please tell me!)

I have two fantastic offers from two top programs in my field. One, from school A, was a direct admit with no interview, in late January. I was accepted to the other at school B post-interview, in mid-February two days before leaving to visit school A.

School A was amazing but there are many factors that have led to my decision to attend school B. It's so hard to pick between programs. I'm about to reject my offer, but I want to send an email to the faculty members with whom I met. Thing is, I have such a problem with oversharing and writing too much. I obviously want to come across as grateful for their time and kindness but also kind of regretful that I cannot accept their offer (and I am!).

How do I approach this? How long should it be? Should I send individual emails to each prof or should I copy all of them in one? Is expressing sadness and regret that it's impossible to accept two offers inappropriate? 

[Markerz]

I might be in a very similar position soon. How many individual profs did you talk to that you would want to send it to? I think its appropriate, especially if they invested some time in talking to you. Youll probably still be working in the same feild as them and see them at conferences or suchlike, perhaps even collaborate in some way.

[Need Coffee in an IV]

I don't think you need to go heavy on the emotion. They should know its a possibility that you will choose another school or not go to grad school at all. I would just say

"Dear Dr. X,

Thank you for taking the time to talk to me and show me around the program. This program and the people within it are wonderful scholars and people. I'm emailing to inform you however, that I have chosen another school for my graduate studies. I look forward to future correspdonce and seeing you at future conferences."

Sincerely,

@ciistai

[ciistai]

7 minutes ago, Markerz said:

I might be in a very similar position soon. How many individual profs did you talk to that you would want to send it to? I think its appropriate, especially if they invested some time in talking to you. Youll probably still be working in the same feild as them and see them at conferences or suchlike, perhaps even collaborate in some way.

I met with four archaeology professors individually, but there was another (an historian) who set up an impromptu meeting with me when he learned of my research interests - and that one was quite early in the morning!! So I am grateful to him as well. 

[rising_star]

What @ciistai said for the contents. I'd send an individual email to each person. You could customize the above template by adding a specific line tailored to some aspect of the conversation you had with each person, if you really want to.

[ciistai]

Thanks everyone - this is really helpful! I think I will muster the strength to send these emails today. 

[DrZoidberg]

 

On 3/19/2016 at 7:03 AM, ciistai said:

Thing is, I have such a problem with oversharing and writing too much. I obviously want to come across as grateful for their time and kindness but also kind of regretful that I cannot accept their offer (and I am!).

This is me, too! I just want to accept them all and writing to say I won't be attending makes me want to apologize and shower them with nice words about the program and research, which I know is too much, but ugh I am not very good at this.

[ciistai]

5 hours ago, DrZoidberg said:

 

This is me, too! I just want to accept them all and writing to say I won't be attending makes me want to apologize and shower them with nice words about the program and research, which I know is too much, but ugh I am not very good at this.

I managed to keep it really moderate, I think. One response was just a one-liner but two other profs were very touched by my email and one actually wrote me quite a lengthy one in return! Makes me feel even guiltier actually... but I'm glad I got it over with. 

[DrZoidberg]

3 hours ago, ciistai said:

I managed to keep it really moderate, I think. One response was just a one-liner but two other profs were very touched by my email and one actually wrote me quite a lengthy one in return! Makes me feel even guiltier actually... but I'm glad I got it over with. 

Sounds like you found the right balance. Good luck and congratulations on going to grad school!