Sticky situation, first year going south

[Crystalline_Sunlight]

So I'm a first year grad student and I'm in a pretty bad situation right now. I'm trying to figure out the best way to proceed and thought this might be a good place to get some advice.

(I tried to make it short! but it still ended up a bit long. Sorry! The TL;DR is that I was really unhappy with everything last semester (department, advisor, research, classes), failed a class, got put on probation, switched to a new advisor in a new department, failed a midterm, panicking!) 

Here are the main points

- Got into grad school in geophysics

- Realized I hated my department, my advisor, my research and my classes

- Sat in on a planetary class in the astronomy department throughout that semester, remembered how much I loved planets

- Found a new advisor in the astronomy department--so my office and classes are all in the astro department but /technically/ I'm still in the earth sciences dept.

- Ended up failing one of my geophysics classes (mostly because of motivation and depression issues I think) 

- DGS of earth sciences (also my previous advisor) put me on probation and said that I had to get a B or better in two "real" (non-seminar) courses this semester that are directly related to my research in order to continue receiving funding.

- From the start of the semester, I was all pumped, really wanted to do amazingly in my classes so that I could prove to the DGS and my advisor that I deserve to be here. 

- In terms of department, advisor and classes (for the most part), I'm 100000000x happier than last semester!! This is EXACTLY where I want to be and what I want to be doing and who I want to be working with. Everything was going great!!! For a while...

- One of said classes is an undergrad senior level physics class that I'm taking in the physics and engineering department. This class ended up being a /lot/ harder than I anticipated.

- I went to a small state school for undergrad, I was top of my class, got all As, etc etc., same story as a lot of people here, and I was treating this class the same way I had treated all of my previous physics classes. But this isn't a small state school and I've come to realize that a lot more is required of students here. 

- Went to professor once before the midterm for homework help and to express concerns regarding the midterm--she had decided to make the midterm worth what the final was originally going to be worth for reasons I can elaborate on if anyone is curious. 

- Ended up completely failing the midterm (37.5%)

- Took a day to carefully go over each question to try to figure out what happened. I realized that I really just didn't know how to study for it and focused on the wrong things. I also realized that I should have been attending the professor's office hours throughout the entire semester, as soon as I realized I was struggling. 

- Went to see professor the next day. I told her where I thought I went wrong (everything I said just above) and then I explained my situation to her (about the probation) and basically broke down crying in her office :-/. She definitely seemed sympathetic and told me that she wished she would have known earlier. She said that normally what she'd do is wait to see how the student does on the final and then adjust the weighting. But when I told her I needed a B, she seemed to think that would be enough. She told me she would have to think about it. (I did calculate out my grade, and as of now, I would need around a 140% on the final to get that B :-/)

- That was yesterday. Since then, of course I thought of a thousand other things I wished I would have said to her, things that I thought would maybe help my case. 

- But most significantly, I think I really identified where I went wrong. In retrospect, I think I had been focusing too much on just getting the work done (of which there was a LOT) instead of focusing on making sure I understood the concepts on that deep fundamental level that grad students are expected to achieve. 

 

Soooooo here are the two things I'm debating. 

1. Should I email the professor about my realization? So that she's convinced that I've identified where I messed up and that I know what corrections to make from here?  I just don't want to be too pushy...

2. I was debating telling my advisor about what's going on. I know people always say that your advisor and your department want you to succeed but I'm just having a hard time fully believing that. My advisor is a very hands-off advisor (which I generally like) but that means he's on trips a lot and doesn't always have time to meet with his advisees. I'm fine with this so far as research goes. I like the freedom and I'm fine with just dropping him an email when he's unable to meet with us in person. But it's not ideal for building any kind of relationship with him. He never asks me how my classes are going. Or really anything at all. I generally initiate all of our communication. He's a very busy guy. So. I don't know. If this all goes south, it probably would be good if I talked to him now. Instead of at the end of the semester...

But I guess I still feel like I have to prove myself to him since I didn't enter in through his department.

I think my primary fear is that he regrets taking me on. Especially since I haven't been able to make a ton of progress with research this semester since I've been so overburdened by this physics class. And if he knows that I'm struggling.... you guys can fill in that blank...

So anyways...

Any thoughts? Suggestions? Questions?

 

Edited April 6, 2016 by Crystalline_Sunlight
Clarified title and reworded a couple things

[GradSchoolTruther]

I am sorry for your struggles. However, it seems as if you are being manipulative toward faculty. You aren't "owed," nor do you deserve certain grades. Graduate programs aren't for everyone.

[Crystalline_Sunlight]

58 minutes ago, GradSchoolTruther said:

I am sorry for your struggles. However, it seems as if you are being manipulative toward faculty. You aren't "owed," nor do you deserve certain grades. Graduate programs aren't for everyone.

That wasn't what I meant to imply. Of course at this moment, I don't deserve a B in that class. But I'm asking the professor to give me a chance to demonstrate that I will deserve a B by the end of the class. Grades are meant to represent how well a student has mastered the material. I know that I'm capable of demonstrating this mastery. I'm just hoping that she gives me the chance to show her. Like I said, I've figured out where I went wrong and now I know what I have to do improve. I'm not trying to be manipulative. I'm asking her for mercy. I've been completely open and honest with her about everything. No manipulative motives whatsoever.

Graduate school is definitely where I want to be. This is all I've wanted ever since I did my first REU as a sophomore in undergrad. Since then I've acquired research experience through REUs, Fellowships, and experience at my home institution and I loved every second of it. And clearly my grades and performance in both academic and research settings were up to par (letters of rec) or I wouldn't have gotten into grad school in the first place. 

I appreciate the response, but giving up is not an option. 

[Citizen of Night Vale]

It seems you're interpreting your struggles as an issue between you and your program instead of understanding your own individual struggle as a student. I don't think there's a point in emailing your professor that you realized what went wrong because finding out your mistakes and learning from them is a student's job. I would show your professor that you're capable of doing well in the class by doing better on future assignments and your final. It's also more of a student's job to be proactive than the adviser's. I don't think anyone should expect advisers to contact students and make small talk about how you're doing in the program. Professors are busy people and can have odd schedules. If you need to speak to your adviser about something, contact him. If he's away, thankfully, there are many other forms of communication other than meeting in person.

Everyone goes through a learning process in finding out that grad school is different from undergrad and that it requires students to make adjustments. Although happiness is important, you should start thinking about grad school in a more professional manner. Think about your career goals, how attending your grad program will help you achieve them, and how to get the most out of your grad program, not about what makes you happy, sad, hateful, etc.

 

Edited April 6, 2016 by Citizen of Night Vale

[fuzzylogician]

1. I don't think you should email the professor, but you could certainly come to her office hours in a week or two to talk about your learning process and whether these new insights you've discovered are on the right track, as well as if you're following the concepts in class currently. 

2. I would recommend talking to your advisor. Right now the problem is small and hopefully fixable. The more you wait, the larger it could potentially become, and the harder it will be to ask for help. You should let your advisor know early on so he can help you in any way that he can, which is his job. I don't think you want to be in a situation where at the end of the semester he suddenly discovers that you've been struggling for months without letting him know, possibly with consequences for your ability to stay in the program. Talk to him now, even though it's an uncomfortable conversation, and get all the help that you can as soon as you can, so you can fix this. Knowing who and when to ask for help is a very important skill. 

[Crystalline_Sunlight]

Just now, Citizen of Night Vale said:

It seems you're interpreting your struggles as an issue between you and your program instead of understanding your own individual struggle as a student. I don't think there's a point in emailing your professor that you realized what went wrong because finding out your mistakes and learning from them is a student's job. I would show your professor that you're capable of doing well in the class by doing better on future assignments and your final. It's also more of a student's job to be proactive than the adviser's. I don't think anyone should expect advisers to contact students and make small talk about how you're doing in the program. Professors are busy people and can have odd schedules. If you need to speak to your adviser about something, contact him. If he's away, thankfully, there are many other forms of communication other than meeting in person.

Everyone goes through a learning process in finding out that grad school is different from undergrad and that it requires students to make adjustments. Although happiness is important, you should start thinking about grad school in a more professional manner. Think about your career goals, how attending your grad program will help you achieve them, and how to get the most out of your grad program, not about what makes you happy, sad, hateful, etc.

I'm not sure what kind of advice you are seeking from this forum and I apologize if I seem harsh. 

Sorry, it seems like I haven't been very effective in communicating my problem.

I definitely understand that my struggles have nothing to do with my program. I take complete responsibility for my position. I understand that I put myself here, not my program, not my advisor, and not the professor. I don't mean for it to sound like I'm making excuses. 

And I didn't mean that I expected my advisor to contact me and make small talk, because I don't. I just pointed that out because I know there are advisors who do these things and as a result the student has more of a personal relationship with them. I just meant to say that this isn't my situation. 

 

The reason I posted this is because I'm terrified that I'm going to get kicked out of graduate school and I'm trying to figure out what I can do to keep this from happening. Obviously talking to the professor is the first thing. Which I've done. My other two ideas were to either send her a follow up email with that additional information in it and to talk to my advisor about this. I wanted advice from you all about those two ideas. I've been reading some older posts about people in similar situations and many people suggested talking to your advisor. But since I'm not very close to my advisor, I'm not sure if I should...  And then I was just looking for any other suggestions people had for actions I could take or anyone who was in a similar position or just any advice at all. 

 

I don't want to get kicked out because I really enjoy graduate school and I really enjoy research, and yes, it makes me happy to be here. I don't know why that shouldn't factor in... Doing research makes me happy, therefore I want my future career to involve research because I want to be happy in my future career. 

And no, your reply wasn't harsh Citizen. I appreciate it!!

[Crystalline_Sunlight]

2 minutes ago, fuzzylogician said:

1. I don't think you should email the professor, but you could certainly come to her office hours in a week or two to talk about your learning process and whether these new insights you've discovered are on the right track, as well as if you're following the concepts in class currently. 

2. I would recommend talking to your advisor. Right now the problem is small and hopefully fixable. The more you wait, the larger it could potentially become, and the harder it will be to ask for help. You should let your advisor know early on so he can help you in any way that he can, which is his job. I don't think you want to be in a situation where at the end of the semester he suddenly discovers that you've been struggling for months without letting him know, possibly with consequences for your ability to stay in the program. Talk to him now, even though it's an uncomfortable conversation, and get all the help that you can as soon as you can, so you can fix this. Knowing who and when to ask for help is a very important skill. 

Thanks for the reply! 

That's a good idea about the professor. Showing is always better than telling. 

I think where I'm getting stuck with my advisor is that I'm not sure what he could do at this point or how he could help me. I'm worried he's going to tell me that it's my problem and that I have to deal with it (which is true...but...I don't know..)

[fuzzylogician]

22 minutes ago, Crystalline_Sunlight said:

I think where I'm getting stuck with my advisor is that I'm not sure what he could do at this point or how he could help me. I'm worried he's going to tell me that it's my problem and that I have to deal with it (which is true...but...I don't know..)

My question is this: suppose he tells you you have to figure it out on your own. That's possible. You're already in this position of figuring it out by yourself, so what have you got to lose? So of course this is one possible outcome, but even if this is how it ends, at least now he knows so any future conversation can build on it and your efforts to improve. I think that coming from a place where you say "I've struggled in the past and that's affected my performance; I'm working to improve my situation but I worry that my past has made it slower and more difficult, and I worry about the possible implications of that. I love my program and enjoy being here, and I want to make sure that I can stay" is something that he can at least understand, if not relate to. 

And of course there are other possible outcomes to your conversation, like that he can think of ways of helping you out. Maybe he knows more experienced students who've gone through this and can give you feedback or support along the way. Maybe he knows the professor in question and can intervene if there is a need. Maybe he can help you draft an email if you ever need to write anything formal that it'd be good if someone looked at before you send it. He's your advisor, hiding things from him isn't a good way to start the relationship. 

[Crystalline_Sunlight]

1 hour ago, fuzzylogician said:

My question is this: suppose he tells you you have to figure it out on your own. That's possible. You're already in this position of figuring it out by yourself, so what have you got to lose? So of course this is one possible outcome, but even if this is how it ends, at least now he knows so any future conversation can build on it and your efforts to improve. I think that coming from a place where you say "I've struggled in the past and that's affected my performance; I'm working to improve my situation but I worry that my past has made it slower and more difficult, and I worry about the possible implications of that. I love my program and enjoy being here, and I want to make sure that I can stay" is something that he can at least understand, if not relate to. 

And of course there are other possible outcomes to your conversation, like that he can think of ways of helping you out. Maybe he knows more experienced students who've gone through this and can give you feedback or support along the way. Maybe he knows the professor in question and can intervene if there is a need. Maybe he can help you draft an email if you ever need to write anything formal that it'd be good if someone looked at before you send it. He's your advisor, hiding things from him isn't a good way to start the relationship. 

Very good point. Thank you so much for the advice! I think I will try to talk to him about this. 

[TakeruK]

Yes, please please talk to your advisor about this. Usually the majority of reasons why a student is removed from a program is an issue that could have had a chance to be solved by communication early on. I know this is easier said than done because most students fall into the trap of thinking "I don't want to bother my advisor unless there is a big crisis (i.e. actually about to be kicked out)" and then when a crisis happens, it's too late and/or the student doesn't know the advisor well enough to open up about an issue.

Good luck!