Can somebody please give me their opinion on my GRE AWA? Would be highly appreciated.

[ankit.dhall]

Hello,

I have the following AWA responses. Could you please critique them? Thank you very much for your time.

The real talent of a popular musician cannot accurately be assessed until the musician has been dead for several generations, so that his or her fame does not interfere with honest assessment.

 

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

 

Pop music, as the name suggests, is a genre that is widely heard by a large population of music enthusiasts. A musician's talent, especially that of a pop artist, comprises of eclectic elements-ranging from his on stage charisma to the attitude with which the artist interacts with their fan base. Of course, not discrediting the music they create, which characterizes their talent at large. It is inaccurate to conclude that the artist's talent can only be assessed posthumously, a couple score years later.

Music is synonymous with emotions and feelings ebbing from the soul. To correctly evaluate the talent and how prolific a musician is it is critical to consider the context in which he penned the songs. David Bowie, for instance, wrote songs pertaining by and large to the 'American Dream' in his album Young Americans. It would he difficult to analyze the ingenious talent required to write such enigmatic verses unless one is aware of their context.

Judging talent may be easier said than done. If music is left to marinate for several decades, it may lose its actual purpose. Also, the criteria to assess mastery over a particular skill varies significantly with time. The Beatles' era was known for the rock-and-roll and psychedelic elements employed by bands and artists. On the other hand the post progressive rock era of the 90s has now been overtaken by electronic dance music. Tastes of the populace evolve with time. It is best to evaluate talent as and when it comes to truly and honestly appreciate what an artist may bring to the metaphorical table.

Classical music may require to be fully appreciated but popular music is affiliated with the current population of listeners. The sync in the music and their own views and ideologies is what makes the music appeal to them. It would be much better if the musical talent is left to be judged by the original listeners than, us who are merely interacting with the artist's production in a very passive and indirect manner (by living in another era than that of the artist's major musical activity).

However, naysayers may argue that an artist's talent should judged purely based on the music one produces. But, contrary to the argument, and as stated initially, the talent and enigma of the musician is much more than the sum of his songs; it is an amalgamation of the attitudes and beliefs.

All in all, assessing a John Lennon's or a Presley's talent would be better and more accurate when done at the time of release of their songs and their musical activity, rather than years later, when they lie dormant.

 

The following appears in a letter to the editor for the West Lansburg News: 

"The tufted groundhog lives in the coastal wetlands of West Lansburg. Ancient records suggest that the tufted groundhog once numbered in the millions. Since they were declared a wildlife sanctuary in 2004, development along the coastal wetlands has been prohibited. Now local development interests are lobbying for the West Lansburg council to allow an access road to be built along the edge of wetlands. Neighboring Eastern Carpenteria, which had a similar sanctuary, has seen its sea otter population decline since the repeal of its sanctuary status in 1978. In order to preserve the region's biodiversity and ensure a healthy environment, the West Lansburg council should not allow the road to be built."

 

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

 

The letter to the editor seems to be laden with a handful of argumentative flaws and unverified assumptions. Some of these are quite conspicuous while others are more subtle in nature. A few of these are discussed below.

The author cites some vague 'ancient records' which cite that the tufted groundhog were teeming in numbers as large as a few millions. How specious are these records? The author needs to consider the authenticity of such claims in the first place, failing which the argument easily falls into innumerable fragments. This would happen because the premise that they declined in number would turn out to be false. The groundhog population probably never declined. The initial census must have been low itself and might have just bobbled a little, mostly remaining constant.

Since, the lobbyists are appealing for roadways to be constructed only along the edge of the wetlands, it may not be very pernicious to the groundhog population who will still have the whole of the inland for themselves. However, if the groundhogs require access to the coast for crucial biological activities, say, reproduction or migration, the highways development may cause sufficient interference.

As evident from the author's statement he doesn't feel the need to weigh the situation. Does building of roads outweigh the sanctuary for the groundhogs? If the author wants to seriously consider building the roads, he should look into alternative plans for the endemic groundhogs such as relocating them to a safer habitat which would be a win-win for both parties.

A subtle assumption that the author seems to make is that of the decline in otter population being directly related to the developments in Easter Carpenteria. The reduction in otter number and repeal of the sanctuary status could be a coincidence. Was the decline in numbers due to building of municipal roads or were there other contributing factors that the author might have overlooked? 1978 was quite a few decades ago and it could well be that climatic change may have been causal to the reduction of the otter population. It is also probable that the otters may have migrated to secluded territory, which the data never takes into account.

In essence, the letter doesn't clearly state the reasoning behind the application for repeal. The author as well as the lobbyists should reconsider their appeal and look into more concrete evidence. The author could assess weak links in his argument by accounting for the above mentioned flaws, and vague assumptions which may be incorrect.

 

A person who knowingly commits a crime has broken the social contract and should not retain any civil rights or the right to benefit from his or her own labor.

 

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

 

Law and order have been an integral part of society since its introduction. The idea of a single entity that judged every citizen equally, its subsequent evolution and revision by human civilizations is the law that governs us today. It has as much relevance today and has successfully kept the fabric of countries together, the world over.

When law incriminates a person for a crime he or she committed knowingly, it is one of the most serious offenses one can be punished for. This may include crimes ranging from culpable homicide to arson. By committing the crime, the person has broken the social contract, however I believe that he or she should be allowed to retain some fundamental civil rights that everyone is entitled to.

Crime, as stated above, can vary significantly in the degree of graveness. More serious crimes should restrain the criminal's civil rights to a much larger extent as compare to smaller crimes such as petty thievery. It is the right of every human to be able to express one's views and ideas, move about freely, dress and talk they way that is allowed by the Constitution. Criminals who have knowingly committed crimes should have the right to retain only a limited rights, qualitatively (speak as one likes) and quantitatively (restriction on freedom to move). If they criminals are devoid of even the basic rights, there is little difference between people between them and us, the people on the other side of the prison wall.

As far as benefit from their own labor is concerned, it is imperative that while in correction facilities, the inmates should have a conducive environment to achieve proper rehabilitation. So much so that, once, they complete their term, they have enough skills to build a living from scratch, without having to resort to any sort of criminal activity again.

This serves a two-fold purpose:if the inmates are offered chances to learn sewing, mining, working at construction sites, they have a better chance in the future. Also, while in custody, they will have something to do on a daily basis to break from the monotonous routines in prisons. This will rid them of idle time and give little chance for extraneous, many a times nefarious thoughts to creep in. If a person works extra hours, they could be provisions to reduce their sentence or allow them more facilities than the rest.

With the above points in mind, it is necessary to practice restrain on the civil rights available to people who have committed a crime knowingly. However, it is equally important to give them an opportunity to be better people by helping them take their life forward, post-correction. This will be done by letting them benefit from their own labor and even providing vocational training.

 

Thanks and regards.

[Brent@GreenlightGRE]

A lot of people post their Analytical Writing essays on forums like this, but those essays typically don’t receive many responses (if any). One alternative it to use ETS’s ScoreItNow service (https://www.dxrgroup.com/cgi-bin/scoreitnow/index.pl)  to get two essays scored by the official e-rater scoring program (for a $20 fee). It will give you a really good idea of the strength of your essays.

I hope that helps.

Cheers,

Brent

 

Edited April 28, 2016 by Brent@GreenlightGRE