Statement of Interest for PhD

[olugere]

Hello house, I have been posed with the guideline below in order to guide while writing my statement of interest for my PhD in energy systems area in mechanical engineering with study of energy generation, energy economics. Please kindly assist me in guideline the university has highlighted.  

Please indicate your reasons for wanting to enroll in your program of interest, and make sure to emphasize your research interests and objectives. Be specific and avoid generalization

[fuzzylogician]

7 hours ago, olugere said:

Please kindly assist me in guideline the university has highlighted.  

Assist you how? What is the question? No one is going to write a statement for you, and we couldn't even if we wanted to because it should be about your interests and why you are applying to that particular school. 

[olugere]

Fuzzylogician, Thanks for being able to comment atleast for words of encouragement. though I have written many, but my recent one I wrote, can you comment on it If i post it on this forum.

[fuzzylogician]

If you post you may get some responses (perhaps from me as well), but I make no promises, sorry. 

[olugere]

ok. I will rather seek help than keeping to myself. am posting now the one I have written I will take your advice I promised please kindly help.

[olugere]

MY RESEARCH INTEREST IS IN ENERGY SYSTEM , MECHANICAL ENGINEERING AT PHD LEVEL PARTICULARLY ENERGY ECONOMICS. HERE IS MY STATEMENT OF INTEREST with required question format- Please indicate your reasons for wanting to enroll in your program of interest, and make sure to emphasize your research interests and objectives. Be specific and avoid generalization...

Please kindly assist I have answer any of the question above at, please i will take you advice serious

It is very clear to me during my internship, while working on refrigeration Equipments and energy utility, as a result of a course, ‘’Industrial Engineering’’ taught by Professor xxxxx of Turbo- machinery, Mechanical Engineering, Federal University of xxxxxxxxxxxx) before proceeding on internship, because I was exposed to real application of energy systems.

My undergraduate final research work and area I specialized in, building services, Mechanical Engineering  xxxxxx has equipped me with foundational knowledge in thermodynamic and introduction to some related energy systems.

Postgraduate master’s experience from xxxxxxx at department of Mechanical Engineering (Production Engineering), also prepared me with experience in financial Engineering, industrial experiments, optimization that will be a very strong to energy systems. My area of concentration during the postgraduate experience was on how to develop, simulate processing time of plant processing machine, as a result of research work with Dr. xxxxxxxx team to determine optimization of processing time of plant processing machine.

I plan to further my research in economics/ optimization of energy system, area of research interest that Professor xxxxxxxxxxxxxx is working on, and my experienced in energy generation will better add value to my career with proper investigation into energy economics of renewable energy. I am best fit candidate for the program energy systems because of my technical experience in power energy system. Professor’s  xxxxxxxxxx’ research work in the fields of energy systems especially in hydrogen energy research, as I have be in touch with him in our e-mail. I would greatly appreciate the opportunity to learn from him in taking energy decision.

I am convinced that university xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  is best fit of institution that will support my research interest at Ph.D. level, since faculty of Engineering, Mechanical Engineering focused on energy systems, with my research interest in energy economics / optimization.

I strongly believe I would be invaluable talent to research in energy systems, solving pertinent research question.  Energy system solution will solve global problem, due to inefficient power energy that the world is facing today, I am prepared for challenges in solving problems at the Ph.D. studies, I have acquired the right communication skills necessary to present my research work in energy system through journal paper, dissertation. The technical experience I had in energy generation and my teaching skills at Institute of Technology, xxxxxxxxxxx

[AP]

Hi! Congratulations on applying for grad school.

My advice at this point is look for a good teacher of English to help you write. As it is now, the SOP is hard to read because of grammar. If the admission committee can't read it, then it will go to the "no" pile and you don't want that. 

Let me give you an example: Your first sentence is your first paragraph. This can't happen. Ever. Ever. It is long, messy, and its purpose is unclear. 

Another example: The paragraph that begins "I am convinced..." is an utter generalization, which is what you were specifically asked not to do. Instead of stating what you are convinced off, show that you are the right fit for that school. For this, you need to name faculty and explain how their research not simply overlaps with yours but how they will direct inform it. 

Good luck!

[olugere]

Hello AP. 

Am grateful for your comments and seeing my weaknesses. I am very happy for this suggestion, this will further add values to my statement of interest. I will take your advice. They are helpful and insightful

Thank you for your time.

 

[olugere]

20 hours ago, rahultgeorge said:

 

 

26 minutes ago, AP said:

Hi! Congratulations on applying for grad school.

My advice at this point is look for a good teacher of English to help you write. As it is now, the SOP is hard to read because of grammar. If the admission committee can't read it, then it will go to the "no" pile and you don't want that. 

Let me give you an example: Your first sentence is your first paragraph. This can't happen. Ever. Ever. It is long, messy, and its purpose is unclear. 

Another example: The paragraph that begins "I am convinced..." is an utter generalization, which is what you were specifically asked not to do. Instead of stating what you are convinced off, show that you are the right fit for that school. For this, you need to name faculty and explain how their research not simply overlaps with yours but how they will direct inform it. 

Good luck!

Hello A.P

Please could you assist in expatiating more on your last sentence.... For this, you need to name faculty and explain how their research not simply overlaps with yours but how they will direct inform it. 

Thank you

[olugere]

17 hours ago, olugere said:

MY RESEARCH INTEREST IS IN ENERGY SYSTEM , MECHANICAL ENGINEERING AT PHD LEVEL PARTICULARLY ENERGY ECONOMICS. HERE IS MY STATEMENT OF INTEREST with required question format- Please indicate your reasons for wanting to enroll in your program of interest, and make sure to emphasize your research interests and objectives. Be specific and avoid generalization...

Please kindly assist I have answer any of the question above at, please i will take you advice serious

It is very clear to me during my internship, while working on refrigeration Equipments and energy utility, as a result of a course, ‘’Industrial Engineering’’ taught by Professor xxxxx of Turbo- machinery, Mechanical Engineering, Federal University of xxxxxxxxxxxx) before proceeding on internship, because I was exposed to real application of energy systems.

My undergraduate final research work and area I specialized in, building services, Mechanical Engineering  xxxxxx has equipped me with foundational knowledge in thermodynamic and introduction to some related energy systems.

Postgraduate master’s experience from xxxxxxx at department of Mechanical Engineering (Production Engineering), also prepared me with experience in financial Engineering, industrial experiments, optimization that will be a very strong to energy systems. My area of concentration during the postgraduate experience was on how to develop, simulate processing time of plant processing machine, as a result of research work with Dr. xxxxxxxx team to determine optimization of processing time of plant processing machine.

I plan to further my research in economics/ optimization of energy system, area of research interest that Professor xxxxxxxxxxxxxx is working on, and my experienced in energy generation will better add value to my career with proper investigation into energy economics of renewable energy. I am best fit candidate for the program energy systems because of my technical experience in power energy system. Professor’s  xxxxxxxxxx’ research work in the fields of energy systems especially in hydrogen energy research, as I have be in touch with him in our e-mail. I would greatly appreciate the opportunity to learn from him in taking energy decision.

 

I am convinced that university xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  is best fit of institution that will support my research interest at Ph.D. level, since faculty of Engineering, Mechanical Engineering focused on energy systems, with my research interest in energy economics / optimization.

 

I strongly believe I would be invaluable talent to research in energy systems, solving pertinent research question.  Energy system solution will solve global problem, due to inefficient power energy that the world is facing today, I am prepared for challenges in solving problems at the Ph.D. studies, I have acquired the right communication skills necessary to present my research work in energy system through journal paper, dissertation. The technical experience I had in energy generation and my teaching skills at Institute of Technology, xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[AP]

20 hours ago, olugere said:

I am convinced that university xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  is best fit of institution that will support my research interest at Ph.D. level, since faculty of Engineering, Mechanical Engineering focused on energy systems, with my research interest in energy economics / optimization.

This doesn't say anything. You should say something like Dr. X's research on A will inform my approach to B and Dr. Y's methods in the application of C will be, I think, vital for my developing of B. 

[olugere]

A.P 

Thank you I got your point clearly now.

[olugere]

A.P

Is there any different between statement of interest and research statement?

[fuzzylogician]

2 hours ago, olugere said:

Is there any different between statement of interest and research statement?

If the application is asking for just one of these documents, it's usually the same one in terms of content and expectations. Closely read the instructions given by each school to make sure that you actually address what they ask you to. 

[olugere]

2 minutes ago, fuzzylogician said:

If the application is asking for just one of these documents, it's usually the same one in terms of content and expectations. Closely read the instructions given by each school to make sure that you actually address what they ask you to. 

fuzzylogician

Thank you for that clarity fuzzylogician, I got the point, please could you assist in looking at what I have written for mistakes and what to improve on

Thank you for finding time to comments

A.P

Is there any different between statement of interest and research statement?

[fuzzylogician]

You already got good comments on what you posted here. The text requires serious editing by a native speaker and in places it is generic and needs more specification. Why do you need me to repeat what you've already been told? You know exactly what you need to do next. 

[olugere]

3 minutes ago, fuzzylogician said:

You already got good comments on what you posted here. The text requires serious editing by a native speaker and in places it is generic and needs more specification. Why do you need me to repeat what you've already been told? You know exactly what you need to do next. 

fuzzylogician

Thank you for that, am gathering more comments in order to guide while work on the write up again.

 

[fuzzylogician]

I don't think anyone is going to do a close edit at this point, because so much has to change. If you want more feedback, show us that you've actually listened to what we've already said. In particular, reread your statement and ask yourself the following about each sentence: can any (or many) applicants say this? If what you've said is so general or vague that anyone could have said it, it's not setting your apart from the other applicants and it's not telling the school why it should accept you in particular. Revise those parts to be specific and about you, or get rid of them because they aren't helping you. Some very generic information (e.g., that you got a BA in [blah]) can be gleaned from your transcripts, and will be shared by most of those who apply. So, for example, your second paragraph doesn't say anything specific or too helpful. Either you have something more to say than just basically "I have a BA in [a relevant field]" or remove/shorten it to basically say just that and concentrate on saying more about what you learned from your Masters. In fact, do that latter part regardless. Also say more about what you want to study during your PhD. What *specifically* do you want to study, and how *specifically* will the school in question help you study that? This is where you should also say more about which professors could support your research interests, and how what they do intersects with what you want to do. Once you give your essay this very serious once-over, that is when it would make sense to anyone here on the forum to give you more detailed feedback. 

[olugere]

5 minutes ago, fuzzylogician said:

I don't think anyone is going to do a close edit at this point, because so much has to change. If you want more feedback, show us that you've actually listened to what we've already said. In particular, reread your statement and ask yourself the following about each sentence: can any (or many) applicants say this? If what you've said is so general or vague that anyone could have said it, it's not setting your apart from the other applicants and it's not telling the school why it should accept you in particular. Revise those parts to be specific and about you, or get rid of them because they aren't helping you. Some very generic information (e.g., that you got a BA in [blah]) can be gleaned from your transcripts, and will be shared by most of those who apply. So, for example, your second paragraph doesn't say anything specific or too helpful. Either you have something more to say than just basically "I have a BA in a relevant field" or remove/shorten it to basically say just that and concentrate on saying more about what you learned from your Masters. In fact, do that latter part regardless. Also say more about what you want to study during your PhD. What *specifically* do you want to study, and how *specifically* will the school in question help you study that? This is where you should also say more about which professors could support your research interests, and how what they do intersects with what you want to do. Once you give your essay this very serious once-over, that is when it would make sense to anyone here on the forum to give you more detailed feedback. 

fuzzylogician

Thank you, am grateful for being factual in your advice. I like this, I can see many flaws you pointed out, that I need to work on. when next you see this, it will be better and good for edit.

I appreciate you (Fuzzylogician), I promised I will work on it, because I need to submit before the end of September 2016, I still welcome other helpful advice from you or other member of the forum.

Thank you for your time and the feedback I got from you.

 

 

[olugere]

Forum member, kindly assist me to look at my Research Statement again, in respect to instruction;  ''Please indicate your reasons for wanting to enroll in your program of interest, and make sure to emphasize your research interests and objectives. Be specific and avoid generalization''...

XXXXXX, XXXXXX  XXXXXX

XX, XXXX XXXX XXXX, XXXXXXX  XXXXXX. +1111131111 XXXXXXXXgmail.com

RESEARCH STATEMENT

Modern research has its roots to founding fathers in inventions, Alberts Einstein/Faraday, inventor of electricity, was not sure, that his trials was not going to be easy, but he put efforts to his research, and on a long run he invented electricity, till today we are building on his researches.

My research interests, and professional pathway into energy system, was as a result of my work experience in a gas turbine, my instinct into the management of sources of energy generation, and benefit of electrical energy in my local society.

I want to investigate into the ‘’economics of renewable energy’’ or development of energy economics modeling’’ or experimental analysis of renewable energy’’ or ‘’experimental optimization of energy models’’ or experimental modeling of energy demand. In order to answer, some pertinent energy research questions: renewable energy demand to energy supply, modeling of renewable energy sources.

Upon graduation, from bachelor’s degree, I felt of what to do next, being a voluntary minded person, I took up a voluntary work in an organization, XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX, Liberia, with aim to exhibit my learnt courses: Thermodynamics, industrial engineering, Turbo-machinery, refrigeration and air conditioning into practice.

In short while, after my voluntary work, I was privileged to get a paid job, in a power station-the same organization, through this, my interest in energy system was strengthened. The skills learnt, lead to my prompt attention to faults troubleshooting, management and maintenance of power energy equipments. Latter, I discovered that, insufficient energy to the community is one of the causes of; poverty, underdevelopment in our society, because energy plays an important role in any society of the world. In my inquisitiveness, I research along with my colleagues on possibility of generating electrical energy without use of fossil fuels, through DC motors and alternator.

It came on me, to go back to graduate school, to broaden my research skills, though I teach and supervise technical institute students, in their project, but this wasn’t enough for me to get to top of my career, despite the fact that am good at analyzing data, working with graphs, tables, figures in illustrating logical conclusion.  I work with Dr. ppppp and Dr. zzzzzzz research team in qqqqqqqqqqqqqqq, quggu. Our research was based on plant processing machine, to optimized and develop a xxxxx flour processing plant, with less processing time, in order to achieve high production tonnage. In the course of this, a master degree thesis was produced titled, ‘’wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwt’’ some data was created from the research, for processing of wwwwwwww. In addition, some findings of the research have been submitted for journal publication.

Achieving my academic career in area of energy system, I need to choose best fit university and a potential supervisor for my Ph.D. studies, Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, jakata, liberia, will be the best university for me.  MMMMMMM has a well structure facilities e.g. workstation and good laboratory to carry out my research. Its good wills, with other research institute close-by, industries, will be of help to my studies. The faculty of XXXXXXXXXXXX (NNS), has expert faculty member like Professor GB and Assistant Professor KKK in energy systems. Assistant Professor KKKK work in energy efficiency, ‘’PPPPPPPPPP – ecommmmnomic devmmmmelopment pathway was very appealing to me.

NNS has research link, with support for internship in the industries, this will aid my data collection while doing my Ph.D. in energy economics.

 

The reason for choosing Professor GB is due to his track record, strategic relationship in energy system of academia, and in the industry. I have some interactions with him, about area of my research interest with his work in energy systems, energy technology policy, and improved energy utilization. I strongly believe, I will learn from his wealth of knowledge, during my Ph.D. study in energy economics. Also, I will contribute to knowledge with original dissertation at the end of my Doctorate degree.

 

I have the integrity and dedication to research into other areas of power generation; I will look critically into economics of renewable sources of energy, rather than non renewable ones from

fossils fuels. Therefore, I will have more in-depth knowledge in energy analysis, solving energy problems within and outside my community. In ten (10) years time, after Ph.D. I see myself to be an expert working in research development of energy system like my supervisor, Professor GB, to serves as link between academic institute and on-site energy operational company, through planning, research, in order to meet demand of energy in our society under a safe and clean environment.

I want to appreciate admission committee, for finding time to review my Ph.D. application.

Thank You.

Sincerely,

XXXXXX XXXX XXXXX.