Living in shared apt

[virtua]

Hey guys,

I never lived with roommates, so I wonder how is it to live in a shared apt? I mean, for example:

1) How do you share the refrigerator? Do you eat each other`s food?

2) Do only you have an access to your bedroom? I mean, can you lock your br door (both from inside&outside)?

3) Generally, what should I know about living with roommates?

Edited October 10, 2016 by virtua
Mistake: you-->your

[TakeruK]

There's no single answer for this because it will just depend on who you are living with. Normally, many of the things you ask here are discussed with potential roommates before moving in. In an ideal situation, if you are moving into an apartment with people already living there, the current residents will probably want to meet with you and chat to see if 1) you get along and 2) you share similar ideas on things like privacy, food, etc. This is a common way people find roommates. Another way is to find the person you want to be roommates with first (e.g. other students in your program), meet them, determine that you will get along and then look for a place together. So, what I'm saying is that these things should be sorted out before anyone signs any lease or other binding agreement!

For food, a common arrangement is that you only eat your own food, unless a person has indicated something is up for grabs (e.g. maybe they have a made a lot of it and it would go bad otherwise). Typically the refrigerator and pantry would be divided up into areas that are for sharing and areas that are for personal use. Some roommates will go grocery shopping together (and split the bill) so staples like eggs and milk are shared, while other roommates prefer to do everything on their own. 

In almost all circumstances, it would be incredibly rude for a roommate to go into their roommate's bedroom without permission. Even so, it's important to have discussions like I mentioned above when considering moving into a place with roommates. Depending on the apartment, you may not be able to actually lock your bedroom door from both the outside and inside. So, this is why I think it's really important to meet your potential roommates and see if you trust them / feel comfortable with them.

For your last Q, there are other things you should keep in mind when selecting roommates. One big category is the etiquette/agreement on having guests visit (both having friends come hang out and having someone spend the night). Some roommates may have rules on whether or not it's allowed, how often it should happen, whether it's limited to certain days or certain times, and whether both roommates need to agree to it (e.g. if you want to have a party etc.) Other categories of things to be discussed are things like whether pets are allowed, how to divide up the chores/cleaning of common spaces, whether there's quiet hours for the apartment/house, what kind of utilities/services you want (e.g. TV? Internet? phone?) as these costs are generally shared by everyone etc.

And finally, I would say that you shouldn't let others take advantage of you, but it's important to be patient and flexible where reasonable. Living with other people is an adjustment and there will probably be times where your limits will be tested. You may have to make full use of your conflict resolution skills. One thing to keep in mind that sometimes it makes more sense to give the other person the benefit of the doubt at first, and then escalate if necessary since it's easier to escalate than to de-escalate.