Failed my first class; confidence tanked

[caliroll]

Hey guys. So I just got grades back for my first semester. I failed one of my classes by about 1%. I'm humiliated, and terrified, and [insert extreme reaction here]. So other than the fact that I'm completely panicking, my confidence in my ability to do this has totally tanked. I'm not really sure what this means for me, since the grades were literally just released. I know I won't get kicked out for this, at worst put on academic probation, but honestly that's not exactly comforting. I've been doing fine in my rotations. I'm really enjoying the research, and I'm having no troubles there. Honestly I wasn't even expecting to fail the class (I knew I wasn't going to be getting honors, b/c this subject has always been hard for me, but this really caught me off guard). This class isn't even required for my department; I was sorta peer-pressured into taking it despite reservations by one of the people I planned to rotate with, who basically said I had to take it if I wanted to rotate with him...so much for that. Thing is, for a lot of departments it is a requirement, and I know a lot of profs but a lot of emphasis on its importance. I know this isn't the end of the world, but it certainly feels like it. My professors must think I'm a joke.

I used to have confidence in my abilities, but I've only been here a handful of months and I've already failed a class... How do I bounce back from this? I'm really in need of some advice/wisdom right now. 

[fuzzylogician]

Listen, this sucks but it's not the end of the world. I think that there are two levels you want to deal with this on.

On the practical side, failing by 1% is a pretty cruel thing to do to a student. Maybe there is a way to make up that extra point. I would start by talking to the professor and expressing the desire to do whatever possible to get a passing grade. You may get a no for an answer, but you will have lost nothing, so it's worth a try. Especially if you had no prior indication that you were failing, even if you did know you weren't doing great, that is something to mention. Students shouldn't be caught off guard like that, they should know and be given the opportunity to improve their work. 

On the emotional side, two things: first, it's ok to feel bad about this, and you should allow yourself time to be upset and to recover. But at the same time, you should also put this in perspective. It's just one course, and not even a required one. You are doing well in your rotations and it sounds like you did well in your other classes. One failing grade doesn't define you -- your work and track record do, and they are positive. So while I am not expecting this to make you feel good about yourself, you should not let it bring you down more than it should. It's nothing more than a temporary setback that you can recover from. Your professors don't think you're a joke, you are not the first or only person to ever struggle with a class, and it doesn't mean you can't be successful. The skills that make a person a good researcher are actually quite distinct from the skills that make someone good at coursework. Don't give this more importance than it has, and don't assume facts not in evidence.

[TakeruK]

I agree with everything fuzzylogician said and recommended.

Just wanted to also emphasize that your graduate transcripts will not be very important in the long run. I am applying to postdoc positions right now (just submitted three today!) and out of the ~14 positions I plan to apply to (for this fall), only one of them even want to see transcripts. So, while one failing grade might mean academic probation or some extra measures within your department in the short term, in a year or two it will be pretty much meaningless. And everyone will leave with the same degree, no matter their GPA! The only thing that will differentiate you (and the only thing that really matters) is your research record.

[caliroll]

Logically I know there's more to life that grades. Emotionally, I've been a wreck, which is awesomely bleeding into my lab work (failed pcr=oh my god these are The End Times and I am a Hack). As lame as it is, I've been on-and-off trying & failing not to bawl over it the last two days. I know it's not realistic. Someone needs to tell my lizard brain that, though. 

And I have asked if there was anything I could do. I got a very curt no. But at least I tried there. Thank you for your responses.

[biochemgirl67]

17 minutes ago, caliroll said:

Logically I know there's more to life that grades. Emotionally, I've been a wreck, which is awesomely bleeding into my lab work (failed pcr=oh my god these are The End Times and I am a Hack). As lame as it is, I've been on-and-off trying & failing not to bawl over it the last two days. I know it's not realistic. Someone needs to tell my lizard brain that, though. 

And I have asked if there was anything I could do. I got a very curt no. But at least I tried there. Thank you for your responses.

You know what?  Because you can't do anything and you did your best, you need to repeat after me:

Fuck that guy.  Fuck that class.  Fuck that rotation.

I know we're supposed to use professional language, but sometimes you just have to drop a few F bombs.  There is nothing you can do to change it other than move on.  Work hard to do well in your other classes, choose a different rotation.  Identify what you could have changed and make it a point to work on those things in the future.  Do you need to learn better study habits?  Do you need more of a work-lab balance?  One failure doesn't constitute an entire career of failure.

[Butterfly_effect]

I second everything everyone has said so far. I haven't had this exact experience before, but after failing a test last year (neuroanatomy, ugh) I felt so self-conscious and horrible about myself despite having tried so hard. I felt like everyone who looked at me could see the big glowing F on my face. The most important thing to remember is that how you feel now is temporary. Feel sad and angry and however else you feel, but know that you won't always feel that way. Things will get better

[Black Beauty]

On November 2, 2016 at 0:31 AM, fuzzylogician said:

Students shouldn't be caught off guard like that, they should know and be given the opportunity to improve their work. 

@caliroll Although I am in agreement that students should be forewarned if they are in danger of failing a course and given sufficient time to improve, did the professor not give a syllabus with the grading criteria? Were there no tests, labs or papers that were returned to you to indicate how you were doing in the course?

It will take a little time to get your bearings back but you will get your confidence back. You cannot allow this obstacle to define all the work you have put forth to get you where you are today.