Can my dept. lobby for my fiance's?

[mpp_applicant]

I was just admitted to a PhD program at a state university. My fiance (we get married in April) has applied to a master's program in another department at the same university (also in the College of Arts and Sciences). We know that her application has not been reviewed yet. Whether or not she gets in will be a major factor in my decision. Could I ask my department to say something to her department? If they were to do so, would this reflect poorly on her? What do you think? Thanks.

[tem11]

I was just admitted to a PhD program at a state university. My fiance (we get married in April) has applied to a master's program in another department at the same university (also in the College of Arts and Sciences). We know that her application has not been reviewed yet. Whether or not she gets in will be a major factor in my decision. Could I ask my department to say something to her department? If they were to do so, would this reflect poorly on her? What do you think? Thanks.

I think this is a terrible idea. In fact, I think it's a little insulting to ask your department, which has no knowledge of her academic suitability, to comment on her application in any capacity at all. I know the waiting sucks, but just because you're going to get married doesn't mean admissions committees should meet any earlier just to accommodate you, nor does it mean you should try to use your department to bully another department into making decisions earlier. I think this would reflect poorly on both of you, though moreso you than her for asking your department to overstep their boundaries like that.

Sorry if that sounds a little harsh...I mean well . Best of luck to you and your fiance.

[tarski]

Here is a website about applying to grad school, particularly about applying with an SO in mind:

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~mooreks/graduatehelp.html

Here is a relevant quote:

You aren't done working when the applications are in. As soon as one person hears from a school, the other person's department should be notified. This is essential for acceptances, and optional (although maybe risky) for notifications of interviews.

If someone is wait-listed and the other person is accepted, be aggressive and act fast if you want to go to this school. Time is of the essence. In most cases, they will be willing to put the wait-listed candidate at the top of the list when you tell them about your situation.

I spent a few minutes checking if they had a more detailed explanation of asking for this sort of consideration, but I think this was it. However, it seems like at least one person has done this and had some success. On the other hand, it sure seems to me like it has a risk of backfiring (part of this person's strategy was to apply to very many schools, which helps with that risk).

Edited January 22, 2010 by tarski

[red_crayons]

There are tons of grad couples who came to this university together where I work. They MUST be doing this. People gossip about it all the time. In fact, someone in a program I applied to is married to someone at the same university that I took a class with last spring. There was a wink-wink when we talked about it last spring.

Hell, if this school wants a faculty member or administrator, they'll sometimes create a position for their spouse, too. It causes controversy, but there's no sign that it's about to stop.

Maybe this is particularly an issue in certain schools, though. I don't know!

My boyfriend's decisions will be coming out before mine. But, if he gets waitlisted somewhere that I get in, I plan to lobby hard for him to move up the list.

[genotype]

I was just admitted to a PhD program at a state university. My fiance (we get married in April) has applied to a master's program in another department at the same university (also in the College of Arts and Sciences). We know that her application has not been reviewed yet. Whether or not she gets in will be a major factor in my decision. Could I ask my department to say something to her department? If they were to do so, would this reflect poorly on her? What do you think? Thanks.

I know it's done all the time when two PhDs apply for a job at the same school -- I don't see why you couldn't mention it. Also, if the university really wants you, they would probably appreciate hearing about this from you. I would agree that it wouldn't be fair to expect your fiance's department to move review dates earlier for her, but I think universities understand that people have life circumstances that should be considered. I don't think it would help her get in if she's not otherwise qualified, so I don't see an ethical issue here.

Best of luck to both of you -- I realize that this must be a stressful time as you wait to hear back.

[glasses]

I think this is a terrible idea. In fact, I think it's a little insulting to ask your department, which has no knowledge of her academic suitability, to comment on her application in any capacity at all. I know the waiting sucks, but just because you're going to get married doesn't mean admissions committees should meet any earlier just to accommodate you, nor does it mean you should try to use your department to bully another department into making decisions earlier. I think this would reflect poorly on both of you, though moreso you than her for asking your department to overstep their boundaries like that.

Sorry if that sounds a little harsh...I mean well . Best of luck to you and your fiance.

Hmm . . . I actually agree with TerriM here, even though I see that several people have commented providing evidence that lobbying for a spouse/to-be spouse is O.K. It just doesn't sound appropriate to me.

That being said, maybe you should ask this on the Chronicle forums? There you'll have the advantage of asking professors, many of whom are on admissions committees, while remaining utterly anonymous.

[peppermint.beatnik]

There was a 2009 thread about this topic, I'm sure of it. Try searching the archives

[mpp_applicant]

Thanks all for your posts and well wishes. It's good to hear the varying opinions out there. And Tarski, thanks a lot for the link.

TerriM, no need to apologize for your opinion, although I think you misunderstood my question. I'm not hoping for my department to ask my fiance's department to accelerate their decision. I don't care when she hears back; I just want her to get in. I only mentioned that her app hasn't been reviewed yet to indicate the decision is yet to be made. I just want to know whether or not it's common - and whether or not it's frowned upon - for an admit to inform his department that he has a fiance applying to another department and that her admission will be a major factor in his decision.

Beatnik, I'm having trouble finding the thread you mentioned. I found one on significant others in general but none on this particular dilemma. Can you suggest some search terms?

[fuzzylogician]

Thanks all for your posts and well wishes. It's good to hear the varying opinions out there. And Tarski, thanks a lot for the link.

TerriM, no need to apologize for your opinion, although I think you misunderstood my question. I'm not hoping for my department to ask my fiance's department to accelerate their decision. I don't care when she hears back; I just want her to get in. I only mentioned that her app hasn't been reviewed yet to indicate the decision is yet to be made. I just want to know whether or not it's common - and whether or not it's frowned upon - for an admit to inform his department that he has a fiance applying to another department and that her admission will be a major factor in his decision.

Beatnik, I'm having trouble finding the thread you mentioned. I found one on significant others in general but none on this particular dilemma. Can you suggest some search terms?

It's probably a good idea to let the department know you have a fiance who's also applying the same school and that your decision will depend in large part on the outcome of her application. I would then leave it at that; I think it's a bad idea to ask your department to lobby for your fiance. If they want to do it on their own initiative that's another matter, but I agree with TerryM that asking yourself will reflect poorly on you.

Others have mentioned that sometimes when a department really wants someone, they will create a position for their partner. I know this happens after the PhD level, when looking for employment, so it's possible it also happens for particularly attractive PhD applicants. Maybe you'll get lucky.

[modernity]

If you do choose to say anything, I would be subtle about it. Mention that your decision will be in part based on whether or not your SO gets in to the institution as well, but don't outright say "Can you talk to the other department for me?".. Some departments barely communicate and would have no influence on each other.

[piccgeek]

It's probably a good idea to let the department know you have a fiance who's also applying the same school and that your decision will depend in large part on the outcome of her application. I would then leave it at that; I think it's a bad idea to ask your department to lobby for your fiance. If they want to do it on their own initiative that's another matter, but I agree with TerryM that asking yourself will reflect poorly on you.

Others have mentioned that sometimes when a department really wants someone, they will create a position for their partner. I know this happens after the PhD level, when looking for employment, so it's possible it also happens for particularly attractive PhD applicants. Maybe you'll get lucky.

+1. I think it is perfectly fair (and probably smart) to let YOUR department know the situation. If you make it sound like her acceptance is the crux of your decision, they might inform your fiance's department at least that if they accept her she will definitely say yes, something like that. When my fiance was alerting schools as to why he wasn't accepting their offers, his explanation was basically "I got accepted to another program I like, but I would have gone to your program if your English department had accepted my fiance!" I don't know if the departments CARED about that, but I think pretty much every department ever knows that SOs are a factor, and sometimes THE factor.

[repatriate]

Googling "two body problem academia" will turn up a great deal on the topic of applying with an SO. Most of it is for faculty positions, but there is some for grad students, too.

Here's a blog post discussing the adcom side of this process: http://science-professor.blogspot.com/2009/02/2-body-grads.html (also worth checking out the post linked there)

[peppermint.beatnik]

Thanks all for your posts and well wishes. It's good to hear the varying opinions out there. And Tarski, thanks a lot for the link.

TerriM, no need to apologize for your opinion, although I think you misunderstood my question. I'm not hoping for my department to ask my fiance's department to accelerate their decision. I don't care when she hears back; I just want her to get in. I only mentioned that her app hasn't been reviewed yet to indicate the decision is yet to be made. I just want to know whether or not it's common - and whether or not it's frowned upon - for an admit to inform his department that he has a fiance applying to another department and that her admission will be a major factor in his decision.

Beatnik, I'm having trouble finding the thread you mentioned. I found one on significant others in general but none on this particular dilemma. Can you suggest some search terms?

I looked, and can't seem to find it. I applied last year and distinctly remember this being a topic of discussion. Maybe a mod can help you out.

[twocosmicfish]

Having been offered admission, there is no reason why you cannot mention the reason you are waiting provided you maintain a semblence of propriety. Send your potential advisor and email and tell them that you are waiting to see which schools admitted both yourself and your fiance. That let's them know the true situation, gives them the opportunity to intercede (should they want to), and stops short of asking them to get her special consideration.