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Review my SOP and give comment

Shabbir Ali

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Respected members!

As i want to apply for the master in Electronics Engineering in this regard i have to write Statement of purpose (SOP) for admission but i am feeling difficulties till now i have written two paragraph 1st "operation/introduction and 2nd "Academic background".kindly check it and give your valuable comment 


There’s nothing I believe in more strongly than getting young people interested in science and engineering ,for a better tomorrow, for all humankind.

These were the words I heard when I was in my polytechnic college while attending a seminar on ENGINEERS IN OUR SOCIETY. Indeed, engineers are the ones who make human life easier in this regard their contribution in science and technology is admirable, they have invented marvelous inventions such as cellular devices that connect the entire world via communication, Realizing this, I decided to take up engineering for my undergraduate studies so that I can be a part of this ongoing change to make our society a better place.

Just from the begging I had been performed well in my academic career, I secured 2nd position in class 8th.in the year 2006, I cleared 10th standard with 2nd division or 66.5 % .After successful completion of matriculation. In the year of 2009, I did my Intermediate with First division or 75.9 %.

Then completed bachelor of engineering (B.E) degree in Electronics Engineering from Hamdard University of Engineering Science and Technology Karachi in 2015. Initially I have taken it lightly, but after that I gradually became serious, loved it, and enjoyed it much. I really dug a lot to get into the path.

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Your intro is cliche and too general. I've also been warned against leading with quotes... Also your second paragraph is unnecessary - these should be on your transcript/CV. Also, I'd check your grammar in your final draft.

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