Leaving Grad School-Problem

[illumination1]

Hi all,

So after a year of graduate school in foreign languages and literatures, I realized it was not for me. I thoroughly enjoy the teaching aspect, however I loathe the literary research aspect which is of course the most important. Additionally, I have been having severe stomach issues over this past year and my doctor thinks it is due to 1) stress and 2) the realization this program is not for me. He has advised me to consider postponing graduate school for now and that perhaps in the future I could do a M.Ed. or something similar (my current program is a M.A./Ph.D. in literature and culture). 

The main issue for me is not leaving the program itself. Rather, I was offered a position within the department this past January (which they give to grad students) and the other grad student who occupied the position before me trained me over most of this past semester. There was no binding contract about me staying in this position for any specific amount of time, but the TA coordinator offered it to me because of my teaching abilities in the hopes of staying in this other position while teaching and taking classes/doing research. The guilt about having to leave this position they offered so generously to me and putting my supervisor in a tough spot regarding training the next person is what is making this rather difficult. 

Anyway, I am hoping someone could perhaps give me a few pointers on how to have this conversation as I would like to do this as soon as possible and not drag it out. 

Thanks in advance!

[namarie]

It's okay to be selfish and make this decision. While I understand, and even identify, with the desire to make this easier on your supervisor, you have to remember that this is YOUR life. Not your supervisor's. If leaving the program is what's best for you, then so be it. I would certainly explain to your supervisor your rationale for leaving the program, and thank them for giving you the opportunities they have. But I wouldn't apologize for leaving. In the end, do what's best for you; if your supervisor or anyone else gets upset, it's their problem. 

As far as the conversation, when I realized a program wasn't right for me, I went ahead and told the professors I was closest to. I explained my reasoning and, to the best of my knowledge, they all understood it. It's better to leave now and return when you know what you want to study, rather than completing a program you hate. 

Hang in there! <3 

[ThousandsHardships]

I agree with the above poster. In the end, they could just as easily find another well-qualified student to take on that position. And even if they can't, they're at no great loss. The only person that staying vs. leaving really affects is you, and you need to listen to your heart.

I left my previous PhD program as well, for very similar reasons. In my experience, it's incredibly difficult to apply yourself when you've come to loathe the work. If you keep going and being miserable, there's a good chance that you'll end up leaving anyway. Might as well do it early on, keep your good relationship with your department, and move onto something you do enjoy.

[fuzzylogician]

Thirding the above opinions. Your mental and physical health are the most important. If you have come to realize that your current program is no longer where you want to be, then the decision to leave is the right one to make. It's commendable of you to worry about who will take the position you have been offered and the training you've received, but it's not your problem to solve. You need to take care of yourself, and your department will have to take care of itself. The best you can do is try to leave on the best possible terms: have a conversation with the DGS, your advisor, and anyone else close to you, explaining your situation just as you did here; express your gratitude for the support and education you've received, and let them know you've decided to withdraw at this time because that is the best decision you can make for yourself right now. (Alternatives to consider, depending on your status in the program and your interests, are staying for the MA, and/or taking a leave of absence to take care of your health, if you think that that might help you in the long run, and you may want to come back once you are feeling better. Your post didn't make these sound like options you'd want to take, but it's worth knowing about them so you can make an informed decision.) If this is possible, you could offer to start training someone new now, before you leave, but only if you'll be around anyway and not otherwise. If you need to leave, they will just have to figure it out, and while I'm sure it won't be ideal, they most definitely will.