Looking for edits to a GRE essay practice

[danilikespie]

Hi there! Im looking for someone to look over my essays I've written during a practice GRE test. Any help would be great! Thanks!

ISSUE TASK

Technology, while apparently aimed to simplify our lives, only makes our lives more complicated.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Countries today strive to be the most technologically advanced societies in world history. However, an increased amount of technology brings forth an increased amount of complications. Although technology can streamline some activies, the high learning curve it poses on some devices and the crime it facilitates ultimatley causes humans to have a more complicated life.

Technology creates an extreme learning curve that modern day humans are expected to keep up with. For example, learning how to type on a computer is much more difficult than writing with a pen on a piece of paper; the types of software, such as Microsoft Word, have to be learned. Understanding this software encompasses many things that are not necessary for pen and paper - how to copy and paste, how to highlight text, and how to change fonts and colors are just a few actions that Word requires the user to know in order to use it to full capacity.

As technology improves, it facilitates increasingly complicated crimes and harrasment. Cyber stalking and bullying has made it difficult to find the culprit of such crimes. International terrorism and human traffickers have also been known to utilize the dark web to plan their attacks or put up captured people for sale. People are therefor utilizing the complicated outlets of modern technology for their means of wrongdoing, making it more difficult for enforcers to keep up with modern technologically advanced criminals.

Although technology can complicate human lives, technology can also increase the productivity of certain tasks, which in turn simplifies them. For example rather than using an oven to heat up a pizza, which may take thirty minutes, microwaves can do the same thing in less than thirty seconds. Additionally, cell phones have made it much simpler to get into contact with a person in comparison to writing a letter; one can just dial a number rather than writing what they want to say, sending it through the mail, and waiting for it to be received. Overall technology streamlines many every day activites, cutting down on the most complicated steps.

Technology can decrease the amount of steps in every day processes, however it also requires a steep learning curve which can be difficult to overcome. Technology also provides a hidden space for criminals to commit heinouse acts, making it difficult for law enforcers to find the culprit. Therefore, technological advancements developing today all over the world do not simplify human lives, but instead make them more complicated.

ARGUMENT TASK

SuperCorp recently moved its headquarters to Corporateville. The recent surge in the number of homeowners in Corporateville proves that Corporateville is a superior place to live than Middlesburg, the home of SuperCorp's current headquarters. Moreover, Middleburg is a predominately urban area and according to an employee survey, SuperCorp has determined that its workers prefer to live in an area that is not urban. Finally, Corporateville has lower taxes than Middlesburg, making it not only a safer place to work but also a cheaper one. Therefore, Supercorp clearly made the best decision.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on the assumptions and what the implications are if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

The argument that Corporateville is superior to Middlesburg is flawed for various reasons including the use of a vague survey that lacks statistical and descriptive detail, and assuming that lower taxes creates a safer and cheaper lifestyle. In order to improve the argument, additional clarification should be added to each of these points; statistics on the survey, the type of area Corporateville is, details on overall living costs in Corporateville, and linking factors between safety and lower taxes should be added.

The argument uses an employee survey stating that employees do not prefer to live in the urban area of Middlesburg. However, there are no statistics provided backing the results of the survey, making it impossible to know if a true representation of all of the employees were used. Additionally, the argument does not state anything about the type of area Corporateville is; for all the reader knows it may also be an urban area similar to Middlesburg. The argument should therefore provide statistics to back up it's claims about the survey, as well as clarify what type of area Corporateville is - Urban, suburban, country, ect.

The argument assumes that the lower taxes of Corporateville make it a safer place to live. Lower taxes may not have any relationship to to the safety of a city; for example Middlesburg may have higher taxes because it is trying to improve its infrastructure, which could actually make it a nicer city than Corporateville. In order to draw a relationship between taxes and safety, the argument needs to state some linking factor between the two, such as Middlesburg must pay more for state attorneys to defend all of their criminals.

The argument also assumes that lower taxes in Corporateville make it cheaper to live there. Although taxes play a large part in the cost of living there are many other factors that contribute to how much a person pays to live in a certain area. Even if the taxes are low, the houses available for sale or the cost of groceries may be very expensive. To clarify the cost of living, the argument should provide a more detailed description of the housing and food costs of Corporateville.

The argument presented is flawed because it does not provide enough detail on the survey it describes and it assumes a link between lower taxes, safety, and cheaper living. By providing more information on each of these points, the argument will be much stronger in its statement that SuperCorp made the right decision in moving it's headquarters from Middlesburg to Corporateville.