Thinking of quitting

[Coffeetable1]

Hi,

I just received my masters in May and started a fully funded PhD program (in a mostly unrelated field) this fall. I thought it was what I want to do. I think the research will be interesting. However, just two weeks in and I hate it. I dislike the courses and their content. I can't see myself wanting to discuss this literature. The thought of being in academia, writing papers/grants, teaching these types of courses- it scares me and I don't really want that to be my life. I don't want to have to endure a 5 year PhD program and then additional years of obtaining tenure.The one thing holding me here is that I think I will like the research. But the field I'm in has very limited career options and most PhD grads go into academia. I'm a bit of a mess at the moment- extreme anxiety, depression, stress, and causing my IBS to flare up quite uncomfortably (sorry for the TMI). I am also 5 hours away from my long time boyfriend (he's just finishing up his PhD) and it's extremely hard being away from him and knowing that it will be difficult to continue our relationship as he looks for jobs post-PhD.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I am hesitant to quit this early as I put a lot of work to get to where I am now. But, I just find more and more that I don't like my current situation.

Thank you!

[fuzzylogician]

Two thoughts: 

- Get help dealing with the anxiety/depression/stress. Grad school is hard, changes are hard, and dealing with it alone is not always the best choice. Your school will most likely have resources in place that can help you. Your mental health is so so important. 

- Starting a PhD program does not have to commit you to a decade or more of hardship. It sounds like the changes and separation from your boyfriend are making you have a negative view of your program. It may or may not actually be right for you (and a PhD more generally may or may not be right for you). In most cases I would think that two weeks in is not nearly enough time to know if you've made the right decision. I don't know you well enough to know if that's correct here or not; but one possible way to relieve this anxiety about long-term difficulties is to decide to give it time (probably at least a semester, lets be honest), and make a decision then. If you haven't found things you like, ways to improve your situation, etc., maybe it's not the right program for you, or maybe it's just not the right time. But you should really give it a chance before you decide, for your own sake, so you don't look back at this time later in life and have any regrets. Giving up on an education for a relationship is a valid choice but should be made with eyes wide open about what it means. And if you don't continue with the degree, you should also start thinking about alternative career plans, preferably in a way that helps you manage the stress all this situation is causing. 

[TakeruK]

I came to write exactly what fuzzy said. Also, if it helps to know, you are not alone in having doubts about your decision to begin a PhD program. Maybe this program and/or PhD programs are not the right fit for you, but either way, it's not like whatever you decide to do for the next few months will lock you into a path for the rest of your life. I hope you can find ways to take care of yourself, and give this program some time so that you can make the best decision for yourself!

[Hope.for.the.best]

On 8/30/2017 at 9:09 AM, Coffeetable1 said:

Hi,

I just received my masters in May and started a fully funded PhD program (in a mostly unrelated field) this fall. I thought it was what I want to do. I think the research will be interesting. However, just two weeks in and I hate it. I dislike the courses and their content. I can't see myself wanting to discuss this literature. The thought of being in academia, writing papers/grants, teaching these types of courses- it scares me and I don't really want that to be my life. I don't want to have to endure a 5 year PhD program and then additional years of obtaining tenure.The one thing holding me here is that I think I will like the research. But the field I'm in has very limited career options and most PhD grads go into academia. I'm a bit of a mess at the moment- extreme anxiety, depression, stress, and causing my IBS to flare up quite uncomfortably (sorry for the TMI). I am also 5 hours away from my long time boyfriend (he's just finishing up his PhD) and it's extremely hard being away from him and knowing that it will be difficult to continue our relationship as he looks for jobs post-PhD.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I am hesitant to quit this early as I put a lot of work to get to where I am now. But, I just find more and more that I don't like my current situation.

Thank you!

Fuzzylogician and TakeruK have given you very good suggestions. I am adding my personal experience here.

I had numerous times when I doubted whether doing a PhD is a right choice. I was actually very into medical school, but due to circumstances I ended up in grad school. Whenever my experiments are not working or I have issues with my advisors, I regret going to grad school, even though I know it is not going to be easier in medical school. I always think that you tend to be more resilient when you are doing something that you like the most. That said, I think you should not quit grad school immediately. Do you have any program coordinators or student consultants whom you can talk to? They must have come across students who considered quitting, and they are the best people to advise you. 

I can totally relate to the loneliness away from your beloved ones. I am single, but my whole family are overseas so I can understand how bad it is to cope with grad school stress alone. You cannot tell your colleagues what you are going through for fears that they will spread rumours. You can tell your friends outside of grad school, but they never understand. They can only wish you all the best all the time. The worst thing is they always ask when you will graduate, and you have to politely reply them even though you hate this question very much. Is it possible for your bf to look for jobs around where you live? That way you two can spend more time together. Your bf has gone through PhD himself, and he is the person who knows how to support you. I see a psychologist regularly overseas. She has done a PhD herself, and she is my best supporting person. 

Have you tried counselling? If you are in great mental distress, then you should seek help asap. I had problems with digestion too when I was very stressed out last year. Not to the extent of IBS, but I got episodes of diarrhea even though I did not change my diet. Turned out I got better after I started taking probiotics and a vitamin supplement. It's no harm for you to try these.

Hope that helps.   

[dr. t]

Stay for the year, see where you are at the end. 2 weeks is too short.