Please Evaluate A First Draft of My SOP (Physics)

[halofinder]

Hey guys, I will be applying to schools, mainly focusing on cosmology. 

I'd be glad if someone could review / critique a basic draft of my SOP. 

Here goes:

 

The way math described the physical world in a predictive and self-consistent way had appealed to me since a class project on gravity in grade 11. I enjoyed learning high school physics, and I aced the physics section on the highly competitive Joint Entrance Examination for the Indian Institutes of Technology. I was still unsure about physics as a career, and thus chose the “conventional” engineering major at the Birla Institute of Technology and Science, Pilani.

At BITS, I realized the full extent of my affinity towards physics, and the university offered me the freedom to take reading courses as electives. I started with relativity, about which I had always been curious, learning it from a combination of books and online lectures. Fired by the revelation of the significance of Einstein’s equations, I then self-studied basic cosmology, a branch of physics I thought asked the biggest questions, and started a project on plotting the Hu-Eisenstein power spectrum under Dr. Tapomoy Guha Sarkar.

In my junior year, I attended a school on advanced cosmology, with lectures on structure formation, inflation and dark energy.  How a field of random fluctuations gave rise to the structures we see today was a moment of revelation for me, and inflation struck me as an elegant solution to a host of issues with the big bang model, which still lacked many answers. Driven by this, I started my bachelor’s thesis at the National Centre for Radio Astrophysics under Dr. Tirthankar Roy Choudhury. I studied the halo model, and then learned N-body simulations with GADGET-2. I then modified an initial conditions generation code to include massive neutrinos, and ran simulations to assess the impact of the same on the power spectrum at small scales.

I had composed an international trivia quiz, organized a national cultural festival, published regularly in the college magazine, written papers on Kashmiri literature, and lectured on control systems and signals and systems apart from my physics projects, but I felt I was not ready for graduate school. I decided to take a year off, during which I studied the HI power spectrum, wrote code for the halo model power spectrum, and an integrated suite for power spectrum and halo mass function calculations. I also started reading more about dark energy, and then modified the GADGET-2 code to include some simple quintessence cosmologies. I also built my own cricket statistics database, and formulated new statistics, Moneyball style, to gauge performances, including using survival analysis to extend censored “not-out” innings.

I decided that I needed a firm base and well-rounded view, through a formal education in physics, and joined the master’s program at Jawaharlal Nehru University. Where I had been disillusioned with courses in my undergrad, I started enjoying learning physics properly, topping classical mechanics, both my mathematical physics courses, relativity and statistical physics. I did an optional term paper and presentation for Dr. Ram Ramaswamy on classical fields to start with quantum field theory, and continued studying the same under Dr. Debashish Ghoshal as I wanted to explore theoretical cosmology, through studying inflation. I am now starting my master’s project on effective field theory techniques in inflation and dark energy.

My progress gave me confidence, which was bolstered further when I was awarded the prestigious Summer Research Fellowship by the Indian Academy of Sciences. I spent the summer of 2017 working under Dr. Jasjeet Singh Bagla at the Indian Institute of Science Education and Research, Mohali. I generated initial conditions using a scale-invariant power spectrum, and ran a suite of simulations in an Einstein-deSitter cosmology using GADGET-2, to investigate the dependence of the Sheth-Tormen mass function parameters on the tilt of the power spectrum. In the most productive two months of my life, I felt at home in research, modeling it as a cascade of problems I enjoyed solving. This was also the first time I used statistics for actual inference and fitting. On the side, I adapted codes for the power spectrum and correlation function, and also started a project with a student of Dr. Bagla’s, where I am using my modified GADGET-2 code to plot the halo mass – angular momentum relation in some quintessence cosmologies.

My stints at NCRA and IISER, along with my independent projects in physics and otherwise, have convinced me that I am best suited for research: I enjoy and work best with formulating and attacking problems. I believe that simulations are going to be the single most powerful tool in the future, since the universe is the only instance, and experiments are limited. The questions of dark energy and inflation are still unsolved in cosmology, as it enters an exciting era with abundant data and computational power. I want to use my graduate education to further pursue these questions as a career, and also teach, which I believe is important to learn, as well as continue encouraging people to take up such questions in the future.

I have explored a wide variety of fields within cosmology, and mainly want to use simulations to confirm new models, of dark energy, inflation and structure formation. I believe I am suited to graduate work in cosmology, with my experience in theory and simulations, my work in statistics, and my previous background in electrical engineering, which is a suitable combination for a field that now involves working in everything. Moreover, I believe I have the tenacity and self-learning ability to succeed in graduate school and research, as evidenced by my journey from an engineering major to physics.

<Insert department-specific portion here: will contain more specific work goals / might have to condense with the above paragraph.>

 

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Thanks a lot, guys!

 

 

[TakeruK]

Some brief overall comments. Not in any particular order.

1. I put this essay into wordcounter.net and it said 916 words which is quite long for most programs. Especially since you want to add a department-specific portion (good idea!) you will need to cut other parts of your essay.

2. Not sure the best word to use here, but there are several places where it feels like you are "putting down" the fields you want to study. That is, every time you want to say something positive about some aspect, you tend to include a negative to compare it to.

For example, in the first paragraph, you write that you weren't sure about Physics so you went to Engineering instead. Maybe this was unintentional, but it sounds like you are saying you were good enough for physics (aced the exams etc.) but you decided to do something else instead. Another example is when you said you thought cosmology was the branch of physics that asked the biggest questions, implying that you don't think the other branches of physics are as interesting/important. And another example is when you talked about enjoying your "proper" courses in your Masters degree, you contrast it with being "disillusioned" in your undergrad courses.

Remember that there will be physicists of several backgrounds reading your statement, and not all of them will think cosmology is even interesting/important. I would recommend that you go back over your essay and ensure that when you are saying something positive about your interests, you just stick to the positives. I am not sure where in the world you're applying, but especially in North America, it is generally considered very unprofessional to ever mention any negative things about any other organization in school applications and job applications.

3. I think your word choice in a few places is odd. They might have similar dictionary meanings, but they carry some connotation that isn't as positive. Here is a list of the ones I saw:

"ace": this reads as arrogant/juvenile to me. It's something high school or college kids might say in a competitive academic environment, but not really an appropriate word for physics graduate programs, in my opinion. I think you can just leave these descriptions out.

"composed [a quiz]": maybe try "created" or "developed" instead of "composed"

"stints": this generally carries a negative meaning. Use "time" instead maybe.

4. In some places, I think you have too much detail and emphasize aspects that aren't that important to a grad admissions committee. For example, I think you can combine the first 3 paragraphs into a single paragraph describing your academic and research work at BITS. I think you should remove most of paragraph 1 and paragraph 2 though. Replace the paragraph where you mention you chose a "conventional" path with your motivation for entering an EE program instead.

5. I do think most of your paragraphs describing your research goes into a good amount of detail. There are a few things that might be too detailed though, which you can remove to save space. One example is your sentence on cricket. I think this is really cool! But the last bit is confusing to a non-cricket expert:

I also built my own cricket statistics database, and formulated new statistics, Moneyball style, to gauge performances, including using survival analysis to extend censored “not-out” innings.

I would suggest shortening it to something like:

I also built my own cricket statistics database, and formulated new statistics and used survival analysis, Moneyball style, to gauge performances [of players?]

I guessed the last part but replace it with performances of teams or something else if more correct.

6. Finally, I feel like this essay is very very much backwards/past focused. I learn a lot about your history but I don't know anything about why you want to be in a physics PhD program. I think your first paragraph needs to address this right away. Something like, "I am applying to [department] because I am interested in [your PhD research interests]." Then motivate this interest (scientifically).

Then, I think you should reduce your other paragraphs so that your history/past is no more than 50% of your essay. 1000 words is already a very long SOP and you still need to put the department-specific stuff, so you might have to condense a lot. Remove the less important details, especially if they are not telling a key point and can be seen on your CV or elsewhere.

And in addition to the paragraph(s) about the department specifically, most SOPs want you to write about your future plans too. Just a few sentences. But think about why you want a PhD and how a PhD fits in with your future career goals.

[halofinder]

@TakeruK Thanks a lot for your detailed response. 

1. I definitely understand that I need to condense this. I have to put major work into shortening the past story, which will take care of that, ultimately. 

2. The story is that I had horrible grades in my undergrad, exactly because I was fed up of and disillusioned with my major. On the other hand, my master's grades are great. I want to spin this into a positive, covering up for my sub-par undergraduate grades. That's why the comparison there. But I get your point. Will delete that whole portion about being disillusioned by undergrad. I guess the very fact that my physics grades are good will be enough for those looking at my application. 

About the choosing "conventional" major situation, it's a bit complex, the Indian societal/parental pressures, admission processes and my naivete, that in combination led to this decision. I shall set it right. 

About the choosing cosmology, I definitely did not want to do other fields down. Should I instead write something like: "asked questions at the biggest scales", because that is what I meant. It looks at the universe as a whole, the "bigger picture", if you will. 

3. Will change all of those. 

4. Will work on combining all that info into something shorter. 

5. Thanks about the cricket advice. I think it's important to mention it, but I was flummoxed about how to dress it up for a (mostly) American readership. 

6. Will change the start to include my overall motivations right away. 

About the last para (which I will add), I think it addresses the issues you pointed out in (6). It goes something like this, and will be mixed with the existing last para to give the whole thing a more coherent structure. It talks about the specific people I want to work with, and also how this program benefits me. Here goes the rough structure:

I am applying to the graduate program in Physics, as it offers exactly the kind of fundamental physics
coursework I am looking for to build a strong foundation. I am excited to explore broader avenues
of research, but with my current focus on cosmology, large-scale structure and simulations, ongoing
interdisciplinary work at the Dark Universe Science Center is of particular interest to me. Having worked
on N-body simulations, I am interested in working under Dr. Fabio Governato and Dr. Tom Quinn
on simulating large-scale structure. I am also keen on working under Dr. Matt McQuinn on 21cm
cosmology. With my combination of experience in engineering and cosmology, I would like to work in
association with the Large Synoptic Survey Telescope and as part of the Axion Dark Matter Experiment.
Combined with the excellent atmosphere, wide-ranging research, and potential for interaction with some
of the best researchers in the field, I think the program at the University of Washington will be perfect
for me, providing a launchpad for a further career in academia.

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I'll make these changes and get back to you. Can I tag you when I post my updated version?

 

Thanks again

[TakeruK]

Sure (about tagging), although I think you'll be on a good track so probably not many more comments other than the big picture ones I already wrote.

I like the change from "biggest questions" to "questions on the biggest scale". 

I also have heard similar things about the "conventional" path/pressure to study Engineering from my friends in similar situations. To be clear, I don't mean to say that you did the wrong thing or anything like that. I just think that for a SOP,  you don't need to explain this! You can either put a positive spin on why you chose Engineering (instead of others choosing for you), or just leave out the motivation/reasons completely.

[halofinder]

@TakeruK I add footnotes to explain changes and motivations behind them. This ends at 881 words. 

Here goes:

I am a master’s student in physics, applying for graduate studies in at ___.

I enjoyed learning high school physics, but was more drawn towards control engineering, and thus chose to major in electrical engineering at the Birla Institute of Technology and Science (BITS), PIlani¹. Here, I realized the extent of my affinity towards physics, and started learning relativity from a combination of books and online lectures. Inspired by the significance of Einstein’s equations, I then self-studied basic cosmology, a branch of physics I thought asked questions on the biggest scales, and started a project on plotting the Hu-Eisenstein power spectrum under Dr. Tapomoy Guha Sarkar.²

In my junior year, I attended a school on advanced cosmology, with lectures on structure formation, inflation and dark energy.  How a field of random fluctuations gave rise to the structures we see today was a moment of revelation for me³, and I started my bachelor’s thesis at the National Centre for Radio Astrophysics (NCRA) under Dr. Tirthankar Roy Choudhury. Studying the halo model, I modified an initial conditions generation code to include massive neutrinos, and ran simulations using GADGET-2 to assess the impact of the same on the power spectrum at small scales.

I decided to take a year off to evaluate my future goals, during which I continued my thesis project, trying to modify the halo model and plot the HI power spectrum analytically. I also wrote an integrated code for different power spectra and mass functions, and independently modified the GADGET-2 code to include some simple quintessence cosmologies. I also built my own cricket statistics database, and used survival analysis and the Friends-of-Friends algorithm to identify player performance peaks. That year taught me the art of formulating and attacking problems independently, and firmed up my resolve to pursue graduate studies in physics.⁴

I decided that I needed a formal education in physics, and joined the master’s program at Jawaharlal Nehru University. I⁵ topped classical mechanics, both my mathematical physics courses, relativity and statistical physics. I did an optional term paper for Dr. Ram Ramaswamy on classical fields to start with quantum field theory, and continued studying the same under Dr. Debashish Ghoshal as I wanted to explore theoretical cosmology, specifically inflation. I am now starting my master’s project on effective field theory techniques in inflation and dark energy.

My confidence was bolstered further when I was awarded the prestigious Summer Research Fellowship by the Indian Academy of Sciences. I spent the summer of 2017 working under Dr. Jasjeet Singh Bagla at the Indian Institute of Science Education and Research, Mohali. I generated initial conditions using a scale-invariant power spectrum, and ran a suite of simulations in an Einstein-deSitter cosmology using GADGET-2, to investigate the dependence of the Sheth-Tormen mass function parameters on the tilt of the power spectrum. In the most productive two months of my life, I felt at home in research, modeling it as a cascade of problems I enjoyed solving. This was also the first time I used statistics for actual inference and fitting. On the side, I adapted codes for the power spectrum and correlation function, and also started a project with a student of Dr. Bagla’s, where I am using my modified GADGET-2 code to plot the halo mass – angular momentum relation in some quintessence cosmologies.

I⁶ have explored a wide variety of projects within cosmology and believe that my experience in theory and simulations, my work in statistics, and my previous background in electrical engineering combine to give me a unique skill-set and perspective. Moreover, I believe I have the tenacity and self-learning ability to succeed in graduate school and research, as evidenced by my journey from an engineering major to physics. I believe graduate school will be a perfect springboard for the academic career I wish to pursue, for I have enjoyed research and am enthusiastic about teaching⁷.

I believe that simulations are going to be the single most powerful tool in the future, since the universe is the only instance, and experiments are limited. I want to use computation in conjunction with theory and observation, as cosmology enters an exciting era with abundant data and processing power, with the questions of dark energy and inflation still unsolved. I want to use my graduate education to further pursue these questions as a career, and also teach, which I believe is important to learn, as well as continue encouraging people to take up such questions in the future.⁸ 

I am excited to explore broader avenues of research, but with my current focus on cosmology, large-scale structure and simulations, I am keen to work with Dr. Jeremiah Ostriker on simulations for better understanding structure formation and with Dr. Greg Bryan in computational astrophysics. Dr. Lam Hui’s work in theoretical cosmology, particularly dark energy and perturbations also deeply interests me. I would also like to work with Dr. Zoltan Haiman on weak lensing and reionization. The Graduate School focuses on research with two projects in the first two years, and combined with the excellent atmosphere and potential for interaction with some of the best researchers in the field, I think the Graduate Program at the Department of Astronomy at Columbia University will make a perfect program for me, providing a strong foundation for a further career in academia.⁹

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1. Added motivations for joining EE, removed "conventional". 

2. Changed to "biggest scales". Condensed work at BITS. 

3. First motivation for pursuing serious work in cosmology. Starts creating a narrative as to why I am where I am, and what moment made me want to pursue this field. 

4. Final sentence: Shows that independent research work motivated me towards graduate school and made me confident at attacking problems. Also, I remembered my idea to use the halo finding FoF algorithm to organise careers into halos of performances! Totally relevant, and shows I can apply ideas across fields. Also dropped extracurriculars (except for TAing and paper) from that para, will add briefly in CV. 

5. Dropped the disillusionment part. Best not to even talk about the undergrad grades, since the CV has my master's grades, and that should be enough. 

6. How my experience makes me suitable for cosmology. 

7. Plug 1 for wanting to enter grad school + plans for future. 

8. Plug 2 + plans for future.

9. Final, department-specific plug. 

 

 

[TakeruK]

I think this is much improved. Two brief comments:

1. It's weird that your first paragraph is only one sentence. I think you can use 2-4 sentences here saying what you want to do in their graduate program. What are your interests and why are they your interests?

2. I think you can still condense the history part further, in particular: the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs. I think the first sentence of the second paragraph still reads weirdly. Why say you enjoy high school physics and then say you were drawn to EE? High school doesn't matter at this stage, so I think just start with your undergrad experience. My recommendation is to combine the 2nd and 3rd paragraph and follow this narrative:

- You were enrolled in an EE degree at BITS. 

- During this time, you realised how much you enjoy physics, so you started self-study.

- Then, you started a physics project with Dr. Sarkar.

- Then your 3rd paragraph can continue from this point.

I think this tells a nice story of how your interest in Physics grew. It also shows how you took steps to pursue interests on your own (reading books, online lectures, self-study) and then followed it up by pursuing research work in Physics (i.e not just an interest/hobby for you).

[halofinder]

Thanks a lot for your time and advice. 

I am planning to extend the first paragraph to include my interests and skills briefly. 

Still working on condensing the story a bit, and will make the last paragraph more specific for each department.

Cheers