Overwhelmed

[scarcity]

Hello,

I am new to this forum but I was hoping to seek some advice.  Firstly, I am not a troll or anything near. 

So i am in my second year of a PhD program, and I feel like the work that I want to do is completely pointless.  I just spent hours in a car with a bunch of PhD's and was grilled about my project because I am working with a species that is not economically important, would most likely be replaced by another species if lost from native habitats and is all around a small player in its current ecosystem.

To top that off, I feel like the work I am doing is "basic."  It is nothing groundbreaking, making me feel like the "basic bastard/bitch" of the scientific community. I've really been struggling with depression and thoughts of suicide, so much so that I was hospitalized in a, for lack of a better term, mental ward earlier this summer when I should have been doing field work.  My wife wants a kid and so do I, but I feel like I have been so distant from her, that a kid would only add to my general lackadaisical behavior.  It feels like I am going through the motions, twiddling my thumbs waiting for the roof to cave in or the house of cards to collapse.

Just looking for people who have gone through these periods and emerged on the other side.  I'm seriously thinking about stopping and trying to find a job to get my life on track.  Or I am just whining and should suck it up.

Thanks

[Adelaide9216]

Hello, do you still have those suicidal ideations? Do you have anyone (other than this forum) to whom you can talk to? 

I've come across research saying that it's common for a lot of graduate students to experience what you are going through. You are not alone.

[Hope.for.the.best]

On 11/26/2017 at 5:15 AM, scarcity said:

Hello,

I am new to this forum but I was hoping to seek some advice.  Firstly, I am not a troll or anything near. 

So i am in my second year of a PhD program, and I feel like the work that I want to do is completely pointless.  I just spent hours in a car with a bunch of PhD's and was grilled about my project because I am working with a species that is not economically important, would most likely be replaced by another species if lost from native habitats and is all around a small player in its current ecosystem.

To top that off, I feel like the work I am doing is "basic."  It is nothing groundbreaking, making me feel like the "basic bastard/bitch" of the scientific community. I've really been struggling with depression and thoughts of suicide, so much so that I was hospitalized in a, for lack of a better term, mental ward earlier this summer when I should have been doing field work.  My wife wants a kid and so do I, but I feel like I have been so distant from her, that a kid would only add to my general lackadaisical behavior.  It feels like I am going through the motions, twiddling my thumbs waiting for the roof to cave in or the house of cards to collapse.

Just looking for people who have gone through these periods and emerged on the other side.  I'm seriously thinking about stopping and trying to find a job to get my life on track.  Or I am just whining and should suck it up.

Thanks

First of all, it is very important not to compare yourself with others. You don't have to work on something groundbreaking to earn your PhD. Lots of people I know who worked on "basic" projects during their PhDs but they moved on just fine. You don't stick to this project for life. Even if you stay in academia afterwards, you will most likely work on other projects. Another thing, just because your species is a small player in its current ecosystem, does not mean that you will find nothing interesting. Perhaps you will find something that others have not reported. Who knows? 

From what I see right now, the biggest problem is not your PhD project, but your mental health. Are you following up with your psychiatrist regarding your depression? If you are on medication and still feel depressed, then perhaps you need to switch to different medication or have the dose adjusted. I agree that you should hold on having a kid, because your current state of mind is not going to be okay with that. Have you spoken to your wife about how you are feeling? Even though she may not be able to help you, it is always helpful to have someone who listens and cares. 

Whether or not to continue your PhD is a difficult decision, and I would suggest that you talk to your school counsellor and program coordinator about that.