Feel Trapped-Really need advice

[Nick8007]

Hello everyone,

Let me preface by saying I sincerely thank in advance anyone who takes the time to read this, and offer me any assistance. I'm enrolled in a 1 year Masters degree program in Psychology (with no thesis requirement). It is a program that lasts from May to May. I started gaining research experience in August (first time ever in a lab), and I joined a lab that works with rats. Prior to joining, I never was told (or thought to ask, because I wasn't aware of the scope of the research) that I would have to be performing animal surgeries (cannula/perfusions). When I joined the lab initially, I told the PI that my predominate goal out of the year was to get into a lab, get my feet wet, understand the culture, and learn some techniques. However, he put me in charge solely of a collaborators project, and it's a project that said collaborator is really depending on. There are many occasions in this lab when I am doing something by myself unsupervised for the first time, and I really don't feel comfortable.

Now, I know that in research labs, we are likely never comfortable learning something new; these skills take time to develop. However, I feel like the expectations, pressure, and lack of supervision has really put a dent in my confidence, and both physical and mental health. At its worst period, I didn't sleep or eat for over a week, which led me to make mistakes, which perpetuated the anxiety, and so the snowball became larger. I have routinely gone to therapy and counseling over depression and anxiety over this lab, and even needed immediate psychological triage one day. My coursework is great; while focusing predominately on my lab, I have gotten a 4.0 every semester of grad school (and graduated undergrad with a 4.0).

I'm not really sure why I am anxious in this lab! I don't think I necessarily have any intrinsic problems morally performing the animal work, but I don't like being left alone completely unsupervised at this stage performing these techniques on live animals. The thought of spending another day in this lab makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. I entered the program with a profound passion, dedication, and work ethic for my field that I feel is now sucked dry and I am left feeling trapped, hopeless, and helpless. I don't want to abandon this project (because no one else is helping me on it, and there's no one around to do it), so I don't know what to do! My PI showed me these techniques once, and then completely cut me loose...I'm not sure if all labs work like this, but I feel like I need a little more supervision in these early stages of building my confidence working with live animals. Also, he has no post-docs employed, only 2 RA's, and 2 PhD students who really don't want to offer me any of their time (for obvious reasons/being too busy). 

Also, I talked to the PI about this, and he told me, "if I spent any time over your shoulder, I wouldn't get the work I need to get done, done. I can't be here all the time."

While I agree, and understand the implications of him providing close supervision, I really feel like I just needed it only temporarily to build my confidence and make sure I'm doing things correctly, but he obviously isn't budging. What do I do?

Thanks!

-Nick

[pinoysoc]

Glad you shared this, Nick!

I'm in/was in a similar situation at the moment. I just need to preface you that I don't work with live animals, but deal with electronic records. The best thing to do (in my opinion) is to tackle the tasks head on, put together questions/concerns while working, ask your supervisor to set a time to meet, and learn. I know it may seem to be unhelpful, but the saying. there's no question that's a dumb question, is true. Things that may come up usually are a good thing because it showcases another side that may have been overlooked during the planning stages. At the same time, you just need to believe in the work you do because the more you doubt yourself, the more unproductive you would be (not that I'm saying doubting is a bad thing). That's the big takeaway I got at this new research position I started two months ago. 

Let me know if you need more help. Or if need some clarification, feel free to message me directly.

PINOYSOC (Josh)

[Hope.for.the.best]

5 hours ago, Nick8007 said:

Also, I talked to the PI about this, and he told me, "if I spent any time over your shoulder, I wouldn't get the work I need to get done, done. I can't be here all the time."

While I agree, and understand the implications of him providing close supervision, I really feel like I just needed it only temporarily to build my confidence and make sure I'm doing things correctly, but he obviously isn't budging. What do I do?

Thanks!

-Nick

Hi Nick, 

I also needed to do a lot of surgery and perfusion on rodents for my PhD (mine is mice though). I can totally relate to the difficulties you are facing. It definitely takes time to learn animal work. It has taken me one year before I got on top of it. Animal welfare is taken very seriously these days and any dead mice must be reported to the animal manager. I was in constant worry that my mice would not survive after surgery and I needed to write another report. The manager at the time was not a nice lady, so this made me even more stressed out. Same with my friend who only got to do animal work in her postdoc years. She struggled a fair bit before she could do animal work with ease. 

It is unfortunate but true that you don't always get someone to supervise you for any new techniques. Speaking from my experience, you can try the followings:

(1) Find youtube videos that show the animal procedures you need to master. This may not be ideal because you don't get hand-on practice concurrently, but at least you can be more familiar with the steps. 

(2) Look around the lab and talk to others (not just the people in your group). Chances are someone else have done /are doing similar sort of animal work. This way you can ask them to guide you through the procedures a few times. Sometimes, these people know more tricks than your supervisor to get the work done! I was struggling immensely with a technique (not animal work though). I was chatting casually with a lady who worked part-time in the lab. I was not asking for help or anything. Guess what? She immediately showed me a few tricks and I mastered the technique in no time. My advisors were all very glad that she helped me out. 

I can see that you are under a lot of stress. Would that be possible for you to take a break and come back in the New Year? You are not anymore productive when you are overwhelmed by stress. 

Please be reassured that animal work is difficult, and nobody knows it in a day or two. It is a struggle to all beginners. Don't feel bad if you don't do well straight away. Believe in yourself that you will succeed one day, and give yourself the time for it! 

Edited December 12, 2017 by Hope.for.the.best