teethwax

Phone message! I was walking home and my phone started ringing, and when I took it out the caller ID just said New Haven, CT. I was super numb and knew I wouldn't be intelligible if I picked it up, so I stared at it like a freak, and then when I got home I listened to the message, and then I rolled around with the cat for a while.

So, uh, I just got back from the dentist and half my face is numb, so everything seems surreal already, but I got a message inviting me for an interview at Yale. Oh my god oh my god. Anybody else? Or does anyone have tips from having done it before? Good luck to everyone! Big piles of it.

Failsafe, why did you post this? I've been doing it wrong for years! I'll never get in anywhere now! *tears at hair*

Thanks, miranda! Good luck to you too -- we're applying to some of the same programs, I think, so maybe we'll run into each other. I love Chicago, although the culture shock (I'm from Boston) was pretty nuts when I got here. I found midwestern niceness profoundly unsettling, haha.

I had my Northwestern interview yesterday -- it was one of those days where everything possible goes wrong, but I think it went pretty well and everyone seemed awesome. (I got lost, my phone died so I didn't have my map, there were no maps on campus, etc. etc.) I'm Monday-morning-quarterbacking myself a little bit, but that's just how my brain works. One thing they did say was that there aren't tons of reading/performance opportunities built into the program itself yet, but they do give you a stipend for production, and since I currently live in Chicago, I already know a bunch of people I can call up to read my nonsense when I need it. Now I just have to hope that they can give me some funding if they take me. As for my favorite plays, hmm: J.B. by Archibald MacLeish (the story of Job, in incredible verse) Perfect Pie by Judith Thompson (two childhood friends and the women they become -- very funny, very painful) Sizwe Banzi is Dead by Athol Fugard and John Kani and Winston Ntshona (also very funny and very painful, written by a white man and two black men in South Africa during apartheid, about apartheid) Those are the ones that come to mind at the moment. I'm not a huge Arthur Miller fan, myself; I enjoyed The Crucible, but overall I like things that are a little more recent and dirty and ugly.

Here are my terrible self-care strategies: - write something stupid (I make a couple of extra bucks every month writing Kindle erotica under a fake name) - make stovetop popcorn (I like it with honey and salt and peper) - play fetch with the cat (you can't have her, she's mine, but you can come over and hang out) - obsessively check email I mean take a long hot shower

I'm a little nervous to post this in case I jinx it, but I just got an email from Northwestern about an interview, yay! Anybody else hear anything?

One thing that often works for me is deciding to write something bad. As bad as possible. That way you get something out, it's so stupid it's kind of funny, and then you feel better about taking the next step. And you can un-bad it a little bit at a time. Before you know it, you've got something pretty decent. I had to use this approach a lot when writing SOPs. Sometimes I got so anxious about applications that I would do it in all caps: DEAR FANCY UNIVERSITY, I WOULD LIKE TO GO TO YOU BECAUSE YOUR PROGRAM IS SO, SO PRETTY. I WRITE PLAYS ABOUT BAD THINGS, AND I DON'T TAKE UP MUCH SPACE. PLEASE CONSIDER ME. LOVE, TEETHWAX.

Man, thank you guys so much. It's hard to express how much it means to hear that I'm finally able to address this topic in a productive and useful way. It's been a long time coming. I do blog, but under my real name, so I'd prefer not to give a link out right now. I'm also applying to Brown, though, so maybe we'll see each other around campus (knock wood!). My new play is actually about the process of becoming a survivor, and has been a way to say a lot of things I was never able to say before. I have high hopes for it in the next few years, so if exciting things happen, I'll let you guys know where you can see it. I don't want to take too much away from the OP with my stuff, so I did also want to add something that occurred to me after I made my initial post. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of anger and hurt around that accusation and the fear of possible repercussions, and I think you should speak to a counselor. He or she will be able to give you some help on coping, but also allow you to speak freely on the subject without being judged or talked about. You deserve the opportunity to tell the truth to a sympathetic listener.

Thanks for saying so. It's been kind of a triggery week and I was concerned I wouldn't make any sense.

I can imagine how devastating that scenario would be. That said, you do have responsibilities in this situation. Some of them may seem unfair, but they're very important. I want to note that I'm coming at this as a male rape survivor. I was raped at 15 by a man who was a religious leader in our community and who I know has assaulted other kids. I was called a liar when I tried to get help, and he has never faced any consequences for his crimes. 1. The "too good to be a rapist" fallacy is just that. Rapists often rape people they are supposed to protect, people who like or love them, and/or people who feel safe around them. They often get close to people, or acquire authority, because they seem like good people. Many survivors (me included) would never have predicted that their rapist would rape them. This is a big reason that many of us are not believed. The reality of it is that survivors have had it proven, in the worst possible way, that you can't tell who the good people are. 2. Most rapists do not get caught: 97% of rapists never spend a day in jail. Most rape survivors you meet did not get justice. They know that a person who has not been convicted is not necessarily innocent. They can't rely on that information to keep themselves safe. They can't trust your word on the matter, because most rapists will insist that they're not rapists. 3. Nobody is obligated to feel safe around you. It might be very painful and upsetting; it might affect your career. But the reality of it is that rape survivors are trying to keep themselves safe, and the pain you experience is not more valid or more important than the pain they have experienced. Hell, I don't even know you, and there is a part of me that doesn't believe you when you say you're innocent. That's not your fault, but it's not mine either. It's my rapist's fault, and it's every rapists' fault, because they're disgusting victimizing liars, and that has lasting effects on the people they victimize. 4. Okay, so what are you supposed to do about this? - First of all, the people telling you not to talk about it and not to touch the subject of rape are absolutely right. If it's important to you to help rape survivors, consider making donations to RAINN or something like that. - If you do need to talk about it for whatever reason, don't bash or blame your accuser. Most rape survivors are called stupid, attention-seeking, slutty, or crazy when they talk about what has legitimately happened to them, especially by the rapists, who want to reduce accusers' credibility to avoid punishment. - If someone tells you they have been raped, believe them. The vast majority of accusations are true, and people who are not listened to suffer additional psychological trauma. - It's okay, even good, to acknowledge that someone has no way of knowing whether you're telling the truth. This would make me feel a lot safer if I were in conversation with you. If you acted like it was ridiculous that I was wary (because there is no proof of your innocence), I would wonder why you didn't care about survivors' experiences. - Do not get yourself in situations where you make someone (especially women) feel unsafe. Do not have sex with drunk people (don't do this anyway). Do not walk an intoxicated person home alone -- get a female friend of hers to come with you. Don't loom over someone or make it difficult for them to leave an area. Maybe you don't do any of those things -- if not, great -- but don't make it easy for people to look at you and see red flags. - Do not allow other people to use your experience to say that "lots of" or "half" or whatever number of accusations are false. First of all, it's not true, and second, men have an obligation to help stop rape culture and rape apologism. Well, sorry I ended up writing a novel here. I hope it's useful and that it made sense.

One of my recommenders said she was very excited to hear I was applying to grad school, and that she would be happy to help, but asked if I would write her a letter draft because she was so busy. (She said she typically refuses all LOR requests because of her schedule.) I thanked her and said yes, but since sending the letter draft (on Nov 2) I haven't heard anything, and my online apps show that she hasn't started the process. My first deadline is Dec 1 and I would like to write an email to make sure she's still willing to do it, but I'm not sure how to word the email. (I don't have her phone number; she much prefers to communicate through email.) The major thing is that she lives in the New York area and I have no idea whether/how affected she was by Hurricane Sandy. I want to let her know that it's fine if she can no longer do it, but am not sure of the best way to put that. Any general tips on how to gently prod her would also be great -- if she doesn't want to do it anymore, I just want to know that so I have time to find somebody else, but I would really prefer to have a LOR from her than a backup person.

So here's a question that might make me look pretty dumb, but that's okay. Is there a way to submit letters of recommendation electronically for Iowa? The website keeps directing me in circles and the closest I've gotten to instructions on LOR is this: http://grad.admissions.uiowa.edu/sites/default/files/uploading/files/gradrecform.pdf But I don't want to have to print out that form, fill it out, scan it, send it to my recommenders, etc. -- that seems way too complicated to be the only option. Is there even a way to request the letters online?

I have anxiety/depression too, and most days I'm in this weird situation where the anxiety makes me feel overwhelmed about how much stuff I have to do, and the depression makes me feel like when I do it, it'll be terrible anyway. I'm trying to break things down into the smallest possible chunks, which tends to help me, and to work on things early.

Hey tjack, My current list is pretty ridiculous -- Brown, Yale, Juilliard, NYU, Columbia. I know the odds are against me, but my criteria are 1) incredible program, 2) in or near a great theatre scene, 3) no GRE required. I haven't taken a math class since I was 16, and the time and effort required to get up to speed seems like a waste of resources. I think I know what my due dates are -- 12/1 through early January -- but I'm nervous as hell about letters of recommendation. My advisor from college is very ill and a letter from him would have been a huge help; so far I haven't had any responses to my emails to others. I'm hoping the play I'm working on will carry me through.

I'm applying for the first time this year, but I'm here too! I hope some of the seasoned posters will come back, though. The more I look at my list of things to do, the more insane it seems.