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meowth812

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    USA
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  • Program
    MS - Animal Physiology

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  1. Will activism hurt my grad career? I'm in a situation where I don't feel very "at home" in my graduate program (biology), so I started looking around campus for clubs to join to make some friends and make my time here a little less excruciating. Specifically, I found a club that is really into gender equality activism, and since this is an interest of mine, I've been attending some of their meetings. Today, they held a rally on campus, which got pretty noisy and of course there were some interesting people yelling profanities over megaphones and the like. I held some signs and handed out some fliers, but I got this eerie feeling the whole time that if anyone from my department saw me, I'd get a talking to about how it's unprofessional and that getting actively involved with groups like that could bring some sort of bad reputation on the department. (As an aside, I don't see other grad students in this group, so that kind of worries me.) Am I just imagining this? I'm getting clues from my department that reputation is everything (for instance, the faculty openly and rudely snubbed a visiting lecturer that opposes a chemical made by a company that funds their research; a few have also made fun of a transgendered professor). I am kind of jaded with their attitudes and I guess I don't really care what they think of me, but at the same time, what they think about me can affect whether or not I make it out of a thesis defense and ultimately escape with a degree. So I was wondering if it is generally frowned upon to be involved with anything activist-related once you've become a graduate student, or if you can pretty much do whatever without judgement. Thoughts?
  2. Thank you, everyone! This was much better than I could have hoped for... so much love and support (and good advice!). I am going to work on building a good relationship with another professor, who I actually do the majority of my research with anyway. He is a lot nicer and more understanding. Officially, I am going to stay under my current professor, since he and I don't really see each other that much anyway and I think things will eventually simmer down. I'm currently avoiding all places he might frequent until we absolutely have to see each other for something. I'm also working on finding some student aid and might have to find a night job, but I will do what I have to to get through this next year. Thanks again for all the support. You guys made me realize that my prof was being a jerk and that I should focus on how much better this is for me.
  3. First year grad student here. I was in a PhD program, but I realized a few months in that the program was not for me at all, and after deliberating for a few months, I decided that I should drop down to the Master's program. I told my professor about it about a month ago, and he seemed all right with it, but he really wanted me to think about it. I walked in today and told him that I would like to drop down to do a Master's, and I got an unexpected response from a guy that is incredibly laid back and cool with everything. He was furious -- in a way where he's not yelling, but very quiet about it, which is almost scarier. He told me, in a nutshell, that I had been a "waste of time and money" and that he couldn't "waste anymore money on me" and that he felt betrayed and shitty. I was shocked, because he seemed absolutely fine with it the last time we talked! And he just kept on reiterating it over and over again like he really wanted to drill into my head that should be ashamed of myself. And then he said that he was stupid for bringing in an undergrad to start a PhD and that he learned his lesson. I couldn't control myself. I started crying. Oh god, how embarrassing. And he just sat there in silence and looked at me as I cried and I finally just had to get up and leave. The only nice thing he said was that he didn't hold grudges, but I never believe that. I am terrified now and feel like a terrible, miserable failure and disappointment. I also wanted to take that Masters and use it to get into a PhD program that actually fit me, but now I feel like the likelihood of getting in is pretty low now that I won't have any recommendations to send in. Same thing goes for funding -- I'm cut off, so if I want funding, I have to apply for scholarships, and those require a recommendation from the instructor. I'm freaking out. He has no reason to recommend me for anything at this point; he acts like he just wants me to get out of here. He even implied that I should just quit. *big sigh* I'm kind of distraught... any words of kindness, advice, or similar experiences would be appreciated.
  4. I've already posted on here before about my issue, but I thought I'd give it another go after I've had some thoughts on it and some advice from a few people. My situation: I'm a first year PhD student in a biology program, particularly in a physiology department. I found out rather quickly that my advisor and I do not share research interests. In fact, I disagree with a lot of what is involved with the discipline, particularly when it comes to animal care and experimentation. (Yes, I realize that this is part of biology, but the research done in my department appears to have no meaningful contribution to science, so I have a problem with it.) I feel uncomfortable, bored, and unmotivated to select a project. I love my classes, but I don't look forward to the days on which I have to do any type of research. I always feel like I should be in another department. I considered leaving the program at the end of the last semester. After the advice I got on here, I talked to my advisor about my concerns, and expressed that I would prefer to get my Masters and then leave. At first, he seemed okay with it, but he then did a lot of persuading me to stay. Here's what he said: - That my feelings were normal for a first year graduate student. It's a big change to go to grad school, and that within a year or so, I will feel more comfortable with everything. I should try to make some friends and get involved more on campus, and it won't be so bad. - That he has everything I need to get my PhD now. He will do what he can to make sure I am funded and will provide me with the skills I need to get my degree. Trying to get a PhD somewhere else is an option, but will take longer (potentially considerably longer, depending). - That just because I am doing a PhD project in one discipline doesn't mean I'm stuck doing it for the rest of my life. He was forced to do a project he wasn't interested in, but it grew on him and he ended up with a PhD, and now he does what he wants, so it was worth it. He made good points. He told me to think about it for a while, and said that we'd find a project that I liked. Unfortunately, it wasn't much longer later that he asked for my decision, and I panicked and said that I'd stay. He then told me that my project was limited to what he knew how to do (ugh) and handed me some papers on stuff I couldn't care less about to consider for my project. I am feeling less than enthused. It also doesn't help that my boyfriend of a few years didn't get the job down here and just signed a two year contract back home, several hundred miles away. We haven't seen each other in over six months. He is willing to quit his career at the end of the contract to come be with me, but we both know that that is not financially smart and would possibly disrupt his career significantly enough that he may choose to sign another contract with this company. (This is complicated to explain, so I'll just leave it at that.) So overall, I'm not sure if I should just take my professor's advice to stick this out to get my "scientist's card", and then live happily ever after when it's all said and done -- or if I should just get a Master's, move back to my home state and apply for more suitable PhD programs there and spend the extra time getting said "scientist's card" , doing something that I will enjoy more. I've got my professors suggesting that I stick it out, and two that even said that a Master's degree won't get me a job to fall back on. I've got my friends back at home telling me not to give up and to keep going. Then there are articles online about how a PhD can end up being a huge mess that lasts several years longer than expected, and that earnings are often not worth the extra time put in. I also have read some grad student blogs, overall with mixed messages. I'd like to get some other input on this situation. Stick it out? Or go home with a Masters and try again? I am not sure if I should consider my emotions or go with the "smarter" choice. Thoughts? Thank you so much in advance.
  5. My first semester of grad school has been incredibly boring; I'm not in any "real" courses due to a course I'm taking that required me to travel. Prof is too busy to teach me techniques or get me involved in a project. I work on a side project with another student once a week. I took up exercising in order to fill the gaping void in my life. I don't have any advice for you because I honestly don't know how to deal with it either. It sounds like perhaps you are just having a good time dealing with everything and should bask in it
  6. 2/5 - Animal Physiology Most of the rating comes from the fact that I just don't fit into this program -- I am finding out the hard way that I really should have just waited and applied again to programs that better suited my interests. That aside, I feel kind of neglected in my program so far. I'm still in my first semester, but I haven't taken any courses yet (strange, I know) and my prof has been too busy to teach me any research techniques or discuss a project with me, so I am bored out of my skull every single day. I am currently being babysat by another professor whom I asked if I could help him and another student with their project because I was just so tired of counting the flecks in the ceiling tiles every day. We only do research once a week, though. The plusses here are that most of the people are nice and the hospitality has been good. The weather is great and the town isn't half bad. But my overall experience is not a great one and I'm looking forward to something better. Keeping my chin up.
  7. I know there are lots of posts like this, but bear with me. I'll really appreciate it. Kind of going through a bit of a crisis here, and I'm not sure if it's normal or if I just really, really hate my field of study. A bit of background info: I'm a first year PhD student in Biology (particularly animal physiology), fresh out of undergrad. I first made the mistake of going to a grad school because I really wanted to get in somewhere. I LOVED learning and undergrad so much that I thought I'd love to get a PhD. I was told by many professors that I wouldn't have a problem getting in at all. Unfortunately, my interests are evidently quite popular and all the programs I applied to didn't accept me. When I asked for specific reasons, they said that I was more than qualified, but that so many Masters students applied for the same positions that basically no undergrads were accepted. A week later, I got an email from a professor working in another field that wanted me to join his lab, so I just said yes because I was desperate to fulfill my dream of getting a PhD. I moved over 600 miles away from my family and fiancé in order to get a doctorate in animal physiology. I found out rather quickly that my professor's research was really not for me, and I just chose something to work on that was closest to my interests. I started learning techniques and I've found that every aspect of this field makes me want to pull my hair out. I enjoyed the courses in undergrad, but the actual practice is maddening and absolutely nothing in the field so far has caught my interest enough to look into for a project. Interests: animal behavior, conservation biology, evolutionary biology, behavioral neuroscience, origin of language/culture/music Stuck with for the next five years: animal physiology What I'm having issues with is figuring out how I am going to spend the next five years keeping myself from crying myself to sleep every night because I hate what I do. Not to mention, my fiancé cannot get transferred from his good-paying career down to my area, so it's likely that the next five years will be more hellaceous than I initially imagined. I know nobody here, the culture is one I don't fit in with (sorry, Texas), and my field of study makes me want to carve my eyes out. I don't know if I'm just getting frustrated with the difficulty of the techniques or if I just really think this stuff is terrible and not for me. I can't figure out a project that I could get passionate enough to work on for all this time. I know it's early and that many new grad students start doubting things, and that the feeling often passes. I know I'll get good small animal surgery skills out of this, but GAH. The research seems so pointless to me (it won't help anyone... ever), and so all the slaughtering of adorable animals I'm doing just makes it seem even worse. I thought about going to my professor and telling him that I want to leave with my Master's degree and then continue on to a PhD in a field in which I am more interested and closer to my fiancé. I realize that this may take longer, but I am willing to deal with that. But I also feel incredibly guilty doing this, because not only did my professor pay a lot of money to get me down here in the first place, but he's also paying my tuition for my first year and giving me an RA position so I can live. He's been more than generous in funding me to be his PhD student. He recently moved universities and is trying to build up his lab, so I'm one of the only ones in there. I feel like it would be a very large insult to tell him, "Oh, never mind. I know I told you I was dedicated to getting a PhD with you, but I decided that I don't want to be here anymore. None of what you do is interesting to me." I also realize that doing this may make me look extremely bad. Nothing like pretty much saying, "Screw this crap. I give up!" by going down from a PhD program to a Master's. I am not sure how that will "show up" and/or affect my future prospects of getting into another program/finding a career if all else fails. I really don't know what to do. Part of me says to wait it out… maybe things will get better and once I get some time in, I will find something I'd love to do and it won't be so bad. Maybe the fiancé will get transferred. The likelihood of either thing actually happening is completely unknown. Any advice would be appreciated. Please be nice; I'm still a noob and prone to tears (especially right now). Thanks so much in advance.
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