nackteziege

It's not declining that may burn bridges, it's waiting until the last day and declining that I felt may have been irritating, since as I said, the cohorts are small (in part because the departments aren't funded well enough to take on very large cohorts). Further, I had an offer of aid at the school I chose which I did not disclose to the school I declined until after I declined (they asked), so I thought it may have been seen negatively that I did not try to negotiate. And yes, if you really want to go into it, sure, both programs were good fits and I could have succeeded at either, no doubt. But the whole process has been stressful and emotional because it's finally accepting that I'm a] losing a great advisor who was a fit on both and professional and personal level (someone I've worked with through my master's but is leaving the school) and b] making a life choice (PhD) which might result in breaking up with a long-term partner. So, I'm glad that for you the application process was simple and rational, but I'd appreciate you not discounting that some of us don't accept change as readily or have conditions that make decisions so straightforward. I can understand the frustration people have expressed over some users seemingly sitting on too many offers, but to come into the thread to tell people how they allow to feel seems pretty unnecessary. I also didn't say anything about writing letters "stained with tears" or directly say that I was "emotionally troubled".

It's not just the act of turning down the schools...it's the stress over whether or not you're making the right choice, whether you're giving up better experiences, the fear of burning bridges in a small field. I don't know; I was deciding between my current school and a place I went and visited, and when they're only accepting 5 people per year you feel sort of connected to them.

The problem isn't even having an unofficial waitlist. It's, after months of waiting and multiple attempts at communication, a complete failure on their part to respond. They are one of the best schools in my field; I was not going to make a decision until I heard back...but honestly, the way they handled it made me pretty resolved to not attend even if they eventually gave me an offer.

You should call the department.

I was equally frustrated with UNC this year. I finally heard last Thursday at some obscure time like 9 PM. It's incredible that they charge $85 and then essentially ignore their applicants. I want to write an E-mail but I don't want to burn bridges...

I haven't been coherent the past few days either. I was in a somewhat similar situation, and I went with the fellowship option for freedom of research projects, more control over the classes I'll teach, etc. It might be too late now to advise you though.

Is it a master's or PhD? Honestly, now's not the greatest time to go into debt. Finances were a huge part of my decision and you shouldn't feel bad about that.

I sent E-mails to the relevant people awhile ago, but unlike my other schools I can't find a way to formally accept/decline. Are my E-mails sufficient, or am I missing an important step here?

This might be too late, but I did my undergrad at UF, graduate at FSU. Gainesville = beautiful. Tallahassee = kind of blighted, particularly near campus. Honestly, I don't like Tallahassee very much. It seems permanently under construction near campus and it's rather sprawling. Gainesville is one of my favorite places in the world. Comparing UF and FSU is tough without knowing what program you're concerned with. Like most, I'm true to my undergrad and prefer UF, but I couldn't necessarily give you hard and fast reasons for that.

^ I've been bawling basically since Thursday over this between just the general stress of the decision, in part due to the fact that in the end, I would have to reject a great program. At least you managed to stay at home; this all started for me while I was sitting in my office at school and people like my prospective major professor were around and trying to make conversation. So, the bawling, I get it. I've drafted E-mails to 5 people. Just gotta start hitting send...

That's not really my concern, my real concern is that I don't know anything about taxes and I want to make sure that I'm prepared to do what I'm supposed to do (I'd never heard of quarterly filing, for example). I'm also asking about a fellowship which is paid significantly differently than the stipend I have now; I apparently misread something somewhere and wanted to make sure I was considering my financial aid offers fully. I'm not complaining about having to pay taxes. And actually, students often do qualify for food stamps. I probably would. Thanks for the information, all.

Thank you both. I still haven't figured out what to do but I appreciate the insight!

What?! Is there a way for me to calculate this or should the school tell me these things? Why can't they just withhold them?

I've heard the mental health services in Tallahassee are less than fantastic, but that was one person's opinion. The capital has political opportunities, but I wouldn't necessarily expect it to have more medical opportunities.